My buddy's breakup
My buddy's breakup
So one of my male buddies had recently got dumped by his girlfriend. So naturally, I asked him why? And so he replied because of me? So then I asked him why me, what did I do? He then so told me his girlfriend was jealous, you know like… him + me = hangin’ out 24/7 blah blah blah. Thinking it was hilarious so I picked up my cellie and call his (ex) girlfriend and said it wasn’t all me. It was only half of me because we only hung out half of 24/7 a day! Yea yea of course she didn’t listen and got pissed at my Halfass even more so now to the point that she was soooo fluent in English, German, Chinese, French, Vietnamese etc etc all thrown together like she was some professional U.N. interpreter for sure. Le *Sigh*
Seriously, I’m hurting because seeing my buddy is hurting because he loves this (ex) girl who isn't loving him back because of me. So now what? What should I do?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanx!
Seriously, I’m hurting because seeing my buddy is hurting because he loves this (ex) girl who isn't loving him back because of me. So now what? What should I do?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanx!
My other buddies told me that she did bring it up in his face but he never told me and so I didn't know about it.Hanzol wrote:Did the ex bring up this issue to your friend before or was this something that just happened out of the blue?
His (ex) girl was very attractive. So.... I didn't see the reason of her being oh so insecure.
It sounds like your friend didn't make the effort to address this before, maybe because guys are guys and they think its all right to spend time with a girl friend, so they brush it off. He should have considered what she said and maybe he wasn't able to change. I think it is important for him to make small adjustments at first just to show he's willing to give up some time for his girlfriend while not sacrificing too much in terms of his friendships.
Not knowing about this before didn't help Did you notice anything? Any signs of this prior to? It sounds like you couldn't do much, unless you were hinted at this before.
I think the chances of your friend getting back with his ex really depends on him showing her that he'd change or has changed. There's only so much that you can do. It's really up to them to reconcile this, of course now that you know about this and seeing how you really do want them to get back together shows that you're willing to sacrifice your time with him. Also, I would suggest not assuming everything is ok, especially if his ex is gorgeous and seems confident. You're a close girl friend, so its not surprising that she may get jealous.
After making that phone call, I would definitely be worried about her being comfortable with you. Keep your distance from the gf for a while and let the two of them sort things out and then maybe if they get back together build trust and rapport.
Not knowing about this before didn't help Did you notice anything? Any signs of this prior to? It sounds like you couldn't do much, unless you were hinted at this before.
I think the chances of your friend getting back with his ex really depends on him showing her that he'd change or has changed. There's only so much that you can do. It's really up to them to reconcile this, of course now that you know about this and seeing how you really do want them to get back together shows that you're willing to sacrifice your time with him. Also, I would suggest not assuming everything is ok, especially if his ex is gorgeous and seems confident. You're a close girl friend, so its not surprising that she may get jealous.
After making that phone call, I would definitely be worried about her being comfortable with you. Keep your distance from the gf for a while and let the two of them sort things out and then maybe if they get back together build trust and rapport.
Re: My buddy's breakup
Given what you written, I don't think any action is required on your part. I can't possibly think why it would be your fault. The blame should be on the girl for trivially being upset over something like you having a strong friendship with the guy. If the girl is upset over something like that, I don't think she would be the type of girl I'd want my own friends to be dating.Halfass wrote:So now what? What should I do?
I noticed her eyes on me when all of us were hangin’ out. But hey I just thought she was checking me out. So was I wrong damnit!Hanzol wrote:Did you notice anything?
Yeah I know every guy/girl will eventually go through this emblematic situation of having a jealio girlfriend/boyfriend at some point in his/her life. Just too funny he’s one of those unfortunate souls. LOL!Jscorpio wrote:Anyway, so your buddy's gf is jealous of you, eh??
For real, I think it's ok to feel jealous, as long as she can control and/or master it in a positive manner etc etc blah blah blah. Moreover, it just goes to show you her (ex) boyfriend has good taste. SWEET!
Damn Ginaaaaa! Why gotta asked me why about her why? What’s up with the “why” equation in your question? Hey you're the (ex) girlfriend's friend, ain't you? SCOOP!Jscorpio wrote:Have you asked her why she felt this way??
Good question, Gina. What is jealousy you asked? Well... to me it's sompin' of a human emotion we instinctively experience at some point or another. It refers to a strong desire for someone else's stature and/or possessions. But in a social setting, it causes someone to be doubtful of their boyfriend/girlfriend and feel threatened by their interaction with certain people. More or less, Jealousy is really just a form of insecurity in a relationship felt by the girlfriend, or the boyfriend, or both the girlfriend&boyfriend, or girlfriend&girlfriend etc etc blah blah blah.Jscorpio wrote:Btw, what is jealousy??
I don't think it was my fault so I chill so that my buddy can prioritise his love life and/or pays more attention to his Queen. Nah, I don't blame her either because I understand where she's coming from...XiaoPauli wrote:Given what you written, I don't think any action is required on your part. I can't possibly think why it would be your fault. The blame should be on the girl for trivially being upset over something like you having a strong friendship with the guy. If the girl is upset over something like that, I don't think she would be the type of girl I'd want my own friends to be dating.
G'evening, Halfass!!
Well, first of all, nice to chat with you.. And for the record, my name is not Gina, it's Adrijana.. =)
You wrote “<i>I think it’s ok to feel jealous</i>”.. I respectfully disagree.. Well I mean, feeling jealous is never healthy, dear mate.. Jealousy is also a sign of possessiveness where she is so unstable that she carnt keep her partners for long periods of time.. Thus, her inability to hold on to her partners is usually directly related to her psycho-like behaviour and mannerism.. For example, have you seen Last Friends?? If you have, what do you think of Sousuke?? Really, no one should have to suffer such torture and abuse inflicted by jealous girlfriends/boyfriends, do you not agree??
Well, first of all, nice to chat with you.. And for the record, my name is not Gina, it's Adrijana.. =)
You wrote “<i>I think it’s ok to feel jealous</i>”.. I respectfully disagree.. Well I mean, feeling jealous is never healthy, dear mate.. Jealousy is also a sign of possessiveness where she is so unstable that she carnt keep her partners for long periods of time.. Thus, her inability to hold on to her partners is usually directly related to her psycho-like behaviour and mannerism.. For example, have you seen Last Friends?? If you have, what do you think of Sousuke?? Really, no one should have to suffer such torture and abuse inflicted by jealous girlfriends/boyfriends, do you not agree??
Jscorpio wrote:Well, first of all, nice to chat with you.. And for the record, my name is not Gina, it's Adrijana.. =)
Ooooh.. Adrijana, what a beautiful name. Oh so proper, oh so British. Fancy some tea? ;-)
Whatcha talkin’ about Wilma? When did I say it was healthy to feel? Where where? Last I checked, “I said I think it was ok to feel.” Read the difference? So I ask why did you disagree?Jscorpio wrote:I respectfully disagree.. Well I mean, feeling jealous is never healthy, dear mate..
Indeed. But for the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of one's own issues with self-confidence and self-esteem. Like I said Gina, for those who can't control it, is gonna be detrimental to the relationship. Why? Because it eats away at the very one thing that holds it together w/love and that’s “Trust.”Jscorpio wrote:Jealousy is also a sign of possessiveness where she is so unstable that she carnt keep her partners for long periods of time.. Thus, her inability to hold on to her partners is usually directly related to her psycho-like behaviour and mannerism..
Yeah, I watched 3 epids of Last Friends for the last 3 weeks and so I’m not going to talk about it anymore. However, I am happily anticipating for epid 4.Jscorpio wrote:For example, have you seen Last Friends?? If you have, what do you think of Sousuke?? Really, no one should have to suffer such torture and abuse inflicted by jealous girlfriends/boyfriends, do you not agree??
Damn Gina! What am I to you, your personal shrink in D-addicts? Furthermore, the name of the game is before I answer your second question, you must answer my first question, OTAY?Jscorpio wrote: Hey Halfass, I have another question.. Do you think it's okay to look at other women whilst you're in a long-term relationship??
I mean fo reallio, what kind of question is that? Is it “okay to look at other women whilst you're in a long-term relationship??” Of course it’s O.K.!
Girl you need to realise just because you’re in a relationship and you’re madly in love and you’re infatuated with “her”, that doesn't mean that every other woman are going to begin looking like Rosie O'Donald, damnit!
The key is to remember the “look, but don’t touch” thingy thingy. Yeap yeap, like mama always says to appreciate the beautiful things in life, regardless of whatever the packaging, a beautiful thing deserves appreciation. Oui!
Nitey nite, Gina... *Besous*
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Looks like I've finally found a thread to let loose a little bit.
Well, Halfass, your friend's a jackass or a dumbass. I know he's your buddy and all, but there's really no denying it.
1. He was totally out of touch with his girl (I mean that in a mental/emotional sense, but being physically out of touch would probably compound that). He's either completely oblivious to how she felt, knew how she felt and didn't take it seriously, or flat didn't care. In any case he's gonna keep having this problem as long as he can't come to terms with it.
2. He's telling you why they split up. It's his problem to solve and whether she feels threatened by you or not, he's got to work it out with her. Of course you are going to try to help him and call her, but she wants him around. You being a girl adds to it, but the real issue is that she has more expectations of his time than he was giving, and he made that decision. If he doesn't want to spend the time with her then the relationship has to end. His priorities don't meet her expectations. Bad match, find another girl. Someone mentioned sacrifice, but it's purely a matter of desire and if he didn't to be with her while he was spending time with you it's a pretty clear statement. Bottom line, pulling you into it probably made things worse for their relationship and didn't make you feel better.
The jealousy issue: maybe she is confident, and it's pissing her off that he wouldn't come to see her instead of hanging out with you.
Now, if she is some kind of deranged, possessive girl then he's still got issues if he wants to stay with her, even if she is hot, because it just means there's going to be nonstop conflict.
So, in answer to your question, I think you have to let him take care of it himself. Cheer your boy on but let him do the fighting.
If I'm wrong, that's not going to come as a shock since this is all derived from a couple of posts on a site dedicated to drama.
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Well, Halfass, your friend's a jackass or a dumbass. I know he's your buddy and all, but there's really no denying it.
1. He was totally out of touch with his girl (I mean that in a mental/emotional sense, but being physically out of touch would probably compound that). He's either completely oblivious to how she felt, knew how she felt and didn't take it seriously, or flat didn't care. In any case he's gonna keep having this problem as long as he can't come to terms with it.
2. He's telling you why they split up. It's his problem to solve and whether she feels threatened by you or not, he's got to work it out with her. Of course you are going to try to help him and call her, but she wants him around. You being a girl adds to it, but the real issue is that she has more expectations of his time than he was giving, and he made that decision. If he doesn't want to spend the time with her then the relationship has to end. His priorities don't meet her expectations. Bad match, find another girl. Someone mentioned sacrifice, but it's purely a matter of desire and if he didn't to be with her while he was spending time with you it's a pretty clear statement. Bottom line, pulling you into it probably made things worse for their relationship and didn't make you feel better.
The jealousy issue: maybe she is confident, and it's pissing her off that he wouldn't come to see her instead of hanging out with you.
Now, if she is some kind of deranged, possessive girl then he's still got issues if he wants to stay with her, even if she is hot, because it just means there's going to be nonstop conflict.
So, in answer to your question, I think you have to let him take care of it himself. Cheer your boy on but let him do the fighting.
If I'm wrong, that's not going to come as a shock since this is all derived from a couple of posts on a site dedicated to drama.
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Damn Gina!! Should I be scurred up in hurrr?gnossienneslent wrote:Looks like I've finally found a thread to let loose a little bit.
Wooh!! Danny’s a jackass/dumbass? SWEET!gnossienneslent wrote:Well, Halfass, your friend's a jackass or a dumbass. I know he's your buddy and all, but there's really no denying it.
1. He was totally out of touch with his girl (I mean that in a mental/emotional sense, but being physically out of touch would probably compound that). He's either completely oblivious to how she felt, knew how she felt and didn't take it seriously, or flat didn't care. In any case he's gonna keep having this problem as long as he can't come to terms with it.
2. He's telling you why they split up. It's his problem to solve and whether she feels threatened by you or not, he's got to work it out with her. Of course you are going to try to help him and call her, but she wants him around. You being a girl adds to it, but the real issue is that she has more expectations of his time than he was giving, and he made that decision. If he doesn't want to spend the time with her then the relationship has to end. His priorities don't meet her expectations. Bad match, find another girl. Someone mentioned sacrifice, but it's purely a matter of desire and if he didn't to be with her while he was spending time with you it's a pretty clear statement. Bottom line, pulling you into it probably made things worse for their relationship and didn't make you feel better.
Nah, he’s cool. Loves his (ex) girlfriend and would do anything for her. So I'll email your message for him to answer.
Well... there's an old adage that says the single most attractive thing a man/woman can possess is <i>confidence</i>. Perhaps, she is confident. But her actions prove otherwise.gnossienneslent wrote:The jealousy issue: maybe she is confident,
gnossienneslent wrote:and it's pissing her off that he wouldn't come to see her instead of hanging out with you.
Wait da minute! Life with a girlfriend and no friends would be a sad existence, in my humble opinion. Yeah, I know putting your buddies before your girlfriend is sure to lead to some problems in a relationship etc etc. But surely there's room for both, isn't there? After all, it's more likely your buddies will be there for you when she breaks your heart, right?
gnossienneslent wrote:Now, if she is some kind of deranged, possessive girl then he's still got issues if he wants to stay with her, even if she is hot, because it just means there's going to be nonstop conflict.
I couldn't agree more. And thanx for taking the time to respond my topic.
Yea Yea, am looking and keeping an open mind.zyrene wrote:hey hey hey look this way.
Alright, let us assume if it’s not her silly season of jealousy, so then for her to make silly excuses (as you say) in order to just breakup with my buddy seems even sillier, no?zyrene wrote:maybe his girlfriend is not really jealous and was just trying to make excuses for her and your buddy to break up.
For real, wouldn’t it be better if we learn to respect our girlfriend/boyfriend and honestly communicate instead of expecting them to guess what they’re thinking, this would be a much better dating world?
Indeed she’s hot and she wants to hear it from him. Clearly, the fem psyche is a complex layering of emotion, intelligence, intuition, and reason -- sorta like a potent mixture that even Mr. Sigmund Freud would have a hard time decoding. Luckily, I have a solution book for my buddy: “How to flatter your woman for dummies 101.”zyrene wrote:because from what you said shes much hotter than you so she has no reason to be insecured or something. that was just my opinion.
Where you at, Ginaaaaaa???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Jscorpio wrote:@Halfass
Wakeup sleephead!! **Tickle Tickle**
Unfortunately I have to jet over to campus to finish writing my speech to be delivered on this coming Monday.. I promise I will write soon..
Oh, and G'morning to ya!! =)
C'mon, come out come out and play. Oui? ;-)
How was your day?
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Scurry if you want. You just seemed like a girl that could handle anything I threw at her without resorting to the indignant princess sugarplum fairy act that seems to be ubiquitous on this site.Hass wrote:Damn Gina!! Should I be scurred up in hurrr?
Well, men in love are quite often indistinguishable from dumassses, but I did warn you that I was probably wrong.Hass wrote:Nah, he’s cool. Loves his (ex) girlfriend and would do anything for her.
I'm not saying there isn't, but she doesn't seem to be satisfied with what she's getting.Hass wrote:Wait da minute! Life with a girlfriend and no friends would be a sad existence, in my humble opinion. But surely there's room for both, isn't there?
Makes it easier to keep him crawling back if he's got nowhere to turn. I guess I have to give your buddy credit for having some loyalty to his friends, but I think if she's that hung up on you then he can find another girl that's a little less prissy.Hass wrote: After all, it's more likely your buddies will be there for you when she breaks your heart, right?
I hear the caffeine monster calling me. I gotta go hunt it down.
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Yeah, maybe it would make things much easier in the dating world, but for real Gina, relationships rarely see mutual breakups you know like one person is usually the dumper, whilst the other muses on the breakup and pain for weeks, even months, etc etc.Jscorpio wrote:I do..
why can't ex-lovers remain friends?? Why is it all or nothing??
Indeed I agree it's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with and even if they were bad times, they were still times. But to me wouldn't it be easier for the person who got dumped to move on with his/her life?
Say what Gina? Run that by me again?Jscorpio wrote:You're just bitter
Yeah perhaps, in your perfect little world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible in my humble opinion!Jscorpio wrote:and you refuse to accept the fact that it would be easier for your buddy to stay friends with her.. It's silly!!
You are B.I.T.T.E.R.!!Halfass wrote:Say what Gina? Run that by me again?
Halfass wrote:Yeah perhaps, in your perfect little world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible in my humble opinion!
Well Halfass, your humble opinion sucked!!
In my "perfect little world" there exist the dumper and dumpee together were the best of friends before, both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup, both have no qualms about seeing new people, and have both instilled a total honesty policy.. YES they can indeed stay as friends!!
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Wow you two really had a catfight going on today...this morning there was only one page to this thread, now theres five and most of it is filled with the two of you going back and forth...you two are just ruthless
To halfass and more importantly all the guys out there...this is exactly what happens when you try to argue with a girl...you will lose and lose badly...especially if they are ticked off and if you are unfortunate enough to have this happen during the wrong time of the month...RUN AWAY as fast as you can
To halfass and more importantly all the guys out there...this is exactly what happens when you try to argue with a girl...you will lose and lose badly...especially if they are ticked off and if you are unfortunate enough to have this happen during the wrong time of the month...RUN AWAY as fast as you can
@lincorp.com
Uhm.. mate, can you provide empirical evidence to support your assertion without resorting to sexist attacks?
Uhm.. mate, can you provide empirical evidence to support your assertion without resorting to sexist attacks?
this is exactly what happens when you try to argue with a girl... especially if they are ticked off and if you are unfortunate enough to have this happen during the wrong time of the month...
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