23 yrs old, never had a girlfriend

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ArigatouGG
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23 yrs old, never had a girlfriend

Post by ArigatouGG » Aug 6th, '11, 20:18

I'll admit, I'm not the most outgoing type of person. I'm quite the passive and quiet type of guy you meet. For a while now I've just been out of it. Being that it is summer time here in the US, seeing all the couples together and going out just makes me look at myself and think, "Wow, I'm such a loser." I don't down myself seriously but it definitely runs through my mind at times. I know many may say, hey just go out to the clubs and start meeting new people. Well, the club scene is just not me. I'm the typical engineering-gaming-tech-anime-drama nerd. I guess what I'm a bit frustrated is that I'm 23 yrs old and never had a girlfriend. I haven't experienced that feeling yet. Don't get me wrong, I blame myself for it. In HS it was so easy to just socialize and hangout with people, but now in college, everything is just more busier (especially with engineering school). I just don't know where to start. Is it ok to ask my female friends to introduce me to some people? For me that would just be kinda awkward. Sorry for the 'diary' post. :D

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emma-ba
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Post by emma-ba » Aug 6th, '11, 20:25

Definitely ask your friends. They know you and they'll be able to give you advice and help introduce you to people. Make sure you actually want a girlfriend though because there's no shame in being single! Basically don't feel pressurised by all the couples you see into thinking that you <i>need</i> a girlfriend.

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abcd99
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Post by abcd99 » Aug 6th, '11, 21:54

23 yr old without a girlfriend is not a big deal. Make a name for yourself first and girls will flock on you later. When girls get more mature, they'll seek security. If you have a steady and good job, you'll be popular then.

Basuha
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Friend w/benifit

Post by Basuha » Aug 6th, '11, 22:27

It seem like you are really busy so getting a girlfriend at this time does not seem to be the right thing to do. A committed relationship is hard to maintain and it takes a lot of effort on both side. You need to stay focus on your study, so I would just get a friend w/benifit. There must be events in your college that you can attend and hopefully you meet a nice girl that just want to keep it simple.

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Post by yougu-souto-houtofu » Aug 7th, '11, 00:12

Nightclubs are kind of useless and unnecessary to me, I know some people say they like them. I didn't like that scene very much even as a musician a few times. Too many depressed and drunk people. Women in nightclubs who go to get drunk and stoned and try to find some quick sex? I think that's a place to find one-night stands and maybe, if you keep at it, a little disease or two, but not a decent girlfriend.

I prefer meeting women at an an interesting activity or class or hobby that has a decent percentage of women attending. What are some things single women like to do? Art (including manga and anime), or foreign languages, for example, are very popular with women.You can be a participant or even the teacher if you're good at something. Teachers of certain things have to figure out nice ways to turn down a lot of prospective girlfriends, trust me on that one. Lots of women want to act. You can learn to make short films. Many women go for musicians they wouldn't touch with a 'ten foot pole' if they didn't sing. There are lots of possibilities. If something doesn't exist in your area you can be the one who started it.

I agree that it is not unusual to wait until you are older to have a serious girlfriend though, in fact it is wise to wait until your career is going before having a baby or getting married, that's for sure.

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Post by JaJe » Aug 7th, '11, 10:23

You can hardly find a decent girlfriend from nightclubs. There might be a possibility of meeting her there, but it means that her friends have dragged her there. At least that´s how it is for me. I would love to have a boyfriend, but club isn´t the place to find one. Every time I go to the club, then it´s only because I have a free entrance or my friends have begged me to go with them. (I prefer spending my Friday nights with my laptop). Anyway everytime I go to the club, there will be about 1-3 guys who try to "have something" with me. Many girls might think it´s flattering, but for me it´s annoying - I know I´m beautiful, but I don´t need some drunk guys who only think about my body to reassure me this. Probably before they saw me, they had someone else on their radar. That´s why I´m never interested in the guys I meet at the club.
I agree with the idea of meeting someone at an interesting class/hobby/ activity. When a guy attends some event I´m attending, then it means we have something in common and he is more interesting to me. I like when a guy is serious about his job or hobby, so meeting him thourgh some hobby course or class, then it´s a big plus.

But mostly I suggest you to just wait. For the time being just live for yourself. That´s what I do. For example my friend has had 5 boyfriends within 3 months, while I´ve had none - I´d say she is much more miserable then I am.

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iluvasiandrama
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Post by iluvasiandrama » Aug 8th, '11, 00:06

Just wait and the more established you make yourself the better. You might meet someone at the office or through co-workers. My mom has matched me up with some ok guys but I am not ready. I still have growing up to do and not because everyone tells me but I know it. Like when school starts back then maybe I will try a more serious dating. Ask your friends and see how it goes. You won't know until you try. :-)
Now watching: Need to find some new dramas

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moustachegai
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Post by moustachegai » Aug 8th, '11, 10:40

I'm 24 right now and single.

I had my first girlfriend when I was 18 but it only lasted 3 months.

Later I fell in love with a girl for 2 years, it was great. But then alot of things went wrong... neither of us were mature enough and we had alot of things going on... like University and generally life. I'd like to think if I had met her at a different stage of my life, things would have worked out so much better.

When that ended, it's taken another me 2 years to get over it. And I don't think I ever will really. I'd often curse myself, wishing I had never gotten a girlfriend and kept chaste and closed until the right time and person comes along. Of course, the downside to that is that you may always be waiting.

What I'm trying to say is - you're not a loser - and getting a girlfriend is something you don't need to rush. If you feel you're ready, just do more social things which involve women and good luck will come to you.

Don't discount nightclubs or bars for girlfriends, if you see a hot girl doing some karaoke and dancing and you strike up a good connection - then sure meet up again! I'm not talking about one night stands by the way, people are people. Not everyone goes out with the sole intention to get laid. Most, including myself, just go out to have a good time and just get out the house once in a while.

Urgh, which reminds me... I am a lonely bear too. Ah wel, I'll thank Japanese and Korean dramas for helping me heal and imagine other possibilitites though =]

ArigatouGG
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Post by ArigatouGG » Aug 9th, '11, 01:38

I appreciate all of the responses! Thanks so much! I'm almost done with school anyways...just a few more semesters and I'll have that engineering degree I've worked my butt off for. I guess most of my frustration is also being so lonely at times. I'd love to to take a walk in the park, watch a movie, or take a road trip with a special someone. Yet, I don't have much female friends to even talk to. I totally agree that the time will come, especially when I'm more settled.

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moustachegai
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Post by moustachegai » Aug 15th, '11, 00:58

Also I've found life for me has been alot like the japanese TV show drama Moteki. Have you seen that? Haha get to it!

Well while you're at uni, when you finish your exams they'll be loads of parties and end of societies so show your faces there and grab some good contacts for later too ;)

ArigatouGG
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Post by ArigatouGG » Aug 15th, '11, 04:47

moustachegai, just reading the synopsis of Moteki describes my life as well! Not having any luck with women pretty much sums it up. Sadly, seems like all the links to download the drama here are all dead. I'm so Interested in watching it as I can totally relate, plus a little comedy can make my day (:

Going to college and studying engineering is different from the "normal" college experience. Classes just pound away at you every day compared to other majors. Weekends are mostly spent "catching up" from all the madness of the week. I think I'll definitely look out for some club to join that interest me. It doesn't hurt to join a few and see how they are. But then again, that will probably only last a few weeks into the semester. Sigh, loneliness is one of the hardest emotions to deal with.

tuku99
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23 years... nothing to worry about. maybe if you said 40 yo

Post by tuku99 » Aug 15th, '11, 06:12

Haha!! I don't think 23 yo has a right to complain.... If u even start to approach 40yo, THEN, you might have some frustration.....

2 years to get over someone... try 10 yrs!! And they weren't really a gf!!

anyways, I speak out of turn...

Youth, is wasted on the young...

btw, I was mentioning the words "Moteki" last summer to a grrl in Tokyo, her eyes lit up, since I didn't speak too much nihongo... LOL!!

:fear: :fear: :fear:

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Post by Sajen16 » Aug 15th, '11, 07:53

Being 23 and never having a gf is no big deal, I'm about a month away from being 26 and I've never had a gf. Of course our situations are different as I'm not a social person at all I tend to avoid social events like the plague and the only time I ever feel lonely is around other people. You sound like you're more of a social person so maybe rather than a gf you need to allow yourself time for one social event a week whether it be just hanging out with friends or going to a club.

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moustachegai
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Post by moustachegai » Aug 15th, '11, 09:20

If you google Moteki you'll probably find it on direct download on dramadownload or fileserve/megaupload. For torrents, asiatorrents and the usual places have it.

And that's fine if the clubs/societies don't last long- you don't wanna hang around the place if a relationship goes wrong haha :lol

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Neliets
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Post by Neliets » Aug 15th, '11, 10:05

While you aren't rich enough and you have something to do - don't even get one.

Basically definition of a woman : time and money spending machine. All you do is waste time and money. Since you are in collage and you will be an engineer(I assume that engineers are paid quite well) then you have nothing to worry about. After studies, after getting used to the job and after earning some cash, when more free time comes, then think about it. Then it will be much easier to find one and then you will probably be able to even choose from many, because, as already someone mentioned, they will seek for security.

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Post by aimlesswanderer » Aug 27th, '11, 15:20

Don't worry, but get out and meet more people, take up a sport or activity - though perhaps after you graduate and settle down at a job.

But if you take up indoor rock climbing or archery like me, the ratios aren't favorable! My female friends and relos suggested dancing, as they reckon that's a real winner.... I said thanks but no thanks.

Definitely ask friends if they know anyone who they think might like you, and vice versa.

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Post by dayellowjai » Oct 25th, '11, 02:34

no worries.. we will get them one day =)

moochi2000
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Post by moochi2000 » Dec 30th, '11, 05:07

wow, it's definitely OKAY for your friends to introduce girls to you. 23..you don't know how many of my friends have never dated and are at that age. heck, i'm 23 as well. i think u should hook me up with guys, and i'll hook u up with some girls LOL.
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SHIN-RA
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Post by SHIN-RA » Jan 3rd, '12, 04:19

Oh well, I was wondering what's wrong with 23 year old and still single...
I was single, never been kissed and proud of it when I was 23 year old hahaha
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Post by sensei991 » Jan 3rd, '12, 22:26

The origin and development of this topic is so jdramatic! The whole thing shouts out - Watch Densha Otoko (the jdrama, not the movie). This story, supposedly based on a real-life case, is about a 23-year old socially inexperienced otaku and a beautiful office lady. While traveling on a train, he saves her from harassment by a drunk. He reports this on an anonymous computer bulletin board and gets congratulations and a nickname, Densha otoko (Train man). When she sends Hermes teacups as a thank-you gift, he goes to the bb to ask for advice on how to respond to the girl, now nicknamed Hermes. The story develops from there as he, with the continuing support of bb members, starts a relationship with Hermes.

While Densha Otoko is basically a comedic romantic jdrama, there are some real-life lessons. Densha wants to make himself attractive to the girl. He gets advice from the bb on how to improve his appearance (better wardrobe and haircut) and how to approach a girl to go on a date. The bb members coach him on what to say and things to avoid. But the basic point is that Densha must take the initiative in seizing this opportunity and changing himself to make the romance work.

Another lesson from the jdrama Proposal Daisakusen – Don’t try to change (or regret) things done or not done in the past. Instead, work on things to make your future the way you want it to be! :D

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moadeep
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Post by moadeep » Jan 4th, '12, 22:25

Y'know, there's something to be said for waiting til you're older to get into serious relationships. I ended up marrying the first guy I dated and now we're going through a divorce because the difference in maturity, experience and so on between 21 and 28 is huuuuge. Not to say people can't marry young an make it last, my grandparents got married about the same age I did and they've been married 57 years. But...I don't know. I don't think you really know yourself until you've experienced life a little. That's why I don't believe people should get married before they're 25 (hypocritical, yes ;) ). I'm meandering, I'll blame my insomnia as always ;). Point being, not having a serious relationship is not a bad thing, no matter what your age. I know a forty year old woman who never has, and she is very happy in her life. I mean, that's not for everyone obviously, but...stupid insomnia. What I'm trying to say is that you don't *need* to be in a relationship to have a good life. That makes sense in my head, I don't know if it came out right though.

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SHIN-RA
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Post by SHIN-RA » Jan 5th, '12, 14:21

Well said, to both of you...
Okay, I began to see someone when I was 25 year old so the writer of this topic could see what I have experienced in life as a reflection as well.
Married at 27 year of age, and now currently happily living with my wife and my son.
So much change for someone who was "never been kissed" until he's 25 aye?
Then, mr writer, thou shalt not feareth for being 23 year old, and never been in relationship or whatsoever
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Post by raingirl » Mar 5th, '12, 06:44

First of all, I wanted to tell you that there is nothing wrong with being single at 23. But since you wanted change, my advice is to go and ask your friends for help. They know your type, they will weed out the guys for you, and it would not be awkward when you guys have to meet because you have common friends (especially for a shy person like you). Good luck, but don't rush things!

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Post by Mcpherson81 » Mar 15th, '12, 12:38

If being a 23-year old single statius doesn't appeal to you, you have to make a move. I'm sure you know that girls won't fight for you unless you are Brad Pitt or sth :)I know how hard it can be to establish the relationships but I'm sure you'll cope with your fear sooner or later and find a good girl! Good luck

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Bellanova
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Post by Bellanova » Apr 6th, '12, 14:43

First, I would recommend getting your life together now if you haven't already. Getting into a relationship when your life is hectic is a bad idea.

So, if you don't have a job or you're looking for one - do that first. If you're still looking for a car to buy, etc. Anything that's extremely stressful in your life right now, get out of the way.

After, I would suggest talking to that female friend of yours to maybe set you up on a blind date if you're not too shy for that. If you are, I would suggest going out in a group with your friends. Eventually you'll end up meeting new people because of it and maybe a potential girlfriend too.

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SummeryDreams
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Post by SummeryDreams » Jul 6th, '13, 13:47

hahaha! Finally, I've met someone like me.. We are all the same, with the personality as well.. But the thing is, I've got my first at 22.. How? This is how it works for me.. If you lack confidence, then strenghten it up.. How? Feed yourself with confidence.. Try to change something that will make yourself satisfied.. Something, new looks, or whatever it is.. Confidence is in the mind, and that's all you need.. Don't worry, if you really don't think you have it.. Just have it until you'll find a girlfriend, either way, if you've chosen wise.. Then the rest of your confidence will be given to you by your girlfriend.. How to start it? Make friends with the opposite sex..

fleetingheart
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Re: 23 yrs old, never had a girlfriend

Post by fleetingheart » Jul 14th, '13, 09:30

ArigatouGG wrote:I'll admit, I'm not the most outgoing type of person. I'm quite the passive and quiet type of guy you meet. For a while now I've just been out of it. Being that it is summer time here in the US, seeing all the couples together and going out just makes me look at myself and think, "Wow, I'm such a loser." I don't down myself seriously but it definitely runs through my mind at times. I know many may say, hey just go out to the clubs and start meeting new people. Well, the club scene is just not me. I'm the typical engineering-gaming-tech-anime-drama nerd. I guess what I'm a bit frustrated is that I'm 23 yrs old and never had a girlfriend. I haven't experienced that feeling yet. Don't get me wrong, I blame myself for it. In HS it was so easy to just socialize and hangout with people, but now in college, everything is just more busier (especially with engineering school). I just don't know where to start. Is it ok to ask my female friends to introduce me to some people? For me that would just be kinda awkward. Sorry for the 'diary' post. :D
Not having a girlfriend at your age is perfectly fine. Just be comfortable in your own skin, be yourself! Then you will be sure that girls attracted to you like you for who you are, not what you are.

Psionic
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Post by Psionic » Jul 14th, '13, 10:04

I would just ask your girl friends to set you up with their friends. Its a much nicer way than meeting people in clubs/bars in my opinion.

(I feel more horrible now because I havent had a girlfriend and I'm 26y/o. :hissy: )

XrayZ
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Post by XrayZ » Jul 14th, '13, 12:01

My advice is ... Take it easy!

Like moadeep I got married young (20) and then divorced in due course (27)...

Now I'm almost 40 but after years of zero effort or interest I'm really into a beautiful neighbour of mine... and jeez, i think she might like me too (not gotten too far with the invitation out and such, but we keep having conversations lasting 7 - 12 hours...). We met while I was working and struck up a conversation because she was reading in a foreign language.

My best friend, who is now 29, had a similar experience a couple years ago. A former college classmate invited him to an art show feturing some mutual acquantances, and now they have a cute kitten together...

Okay I got a lot of catching up to do there (terror of rejection? check!) but my point is actually that we were both worse off than you in a lot of ways -- OK, we had exes in our past (not many!) but we were both unemployed and broke and bitter and spent far too much time hanging out alone or with other similar hopeless males. Turns out, we weren't so hopeless as we thought!

On the other hand, a guy we kind of fell out with (from our grim days lol) is always going out on the pull, commenting on womens' looks and comparing them and judging them and chasing after them and every time he deals with someone female he either tries to charm them or has dismissed them as undesirable... bleh! As a result all the women we know can't stand him and rather than admit he's a bit lonely and desperate he just gets defensive and says creepy misogynistic stuff (like that dude who posted about women being a waste of money - ouch!).

So I'd say (like other posters) be yourself and remain calm, don't try too hard or expect too much... basically you come across as waaaay more likeable than the guy I just mentioned (or me!), so you may have a hard time with the whole relationships thing but you're on the right track. ^_^

And yes talk to female friends! That never worked for me cause of how crazy my female friends tend to be :S

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SummeryDreams
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Post by SummeryDreams » Jul 14th, '13, 17:31

You know, based from my experience. I agree with that, "relax it'll just come" thingy. Why? Me as well, though I have been in search, but when the time I knew my girlfriend is something really unexpecting. It's like, oh my God? here it is, I've had it. So just a little bit of confidence, and be yourself. You'll find someone really gorgeous. :)

reversekit
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Post by reversekit » Aug 17th, '13, 13:15

I started seeing my first girlfriend when I was 24. I think a relationship will happen when the time is right and you happened to meet the person you like.

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Post by jpop_bgw » Nov 3rd, '14, 06:08

Yep my advice is to stop worrying about it and carry on with things you like doing, easier said than done when your in your early 20s everyone looking at you why you aint hitched.

society puts unrealistic pressure and expectations on people this is no different, the odds are in you favour eventually you'll find a partner (thats if that what you want of course)

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