reason i have trouble with women is b/c i don't have a POWE

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joewong
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reason i have trouble with women is b/c i don't have a POWE

Post by joewong » Jan 26th, '09, 05:27

well previously i have been doing odd jobs like driver, lot attendant, cashier...etc and now i have a intern doing a entry level tech support job which i did go to school for.

i never bought a girl home to my folks before, but my problem is much more . i grew up very shy and quiete and sheltered up alot. i came from a very very strict chinese family. i was expected to come home right after school, and wasn;t even allowed to hang out after school or on weekend. i even been told by 2 ppl a co worker i worked with pretty close and a classmate who i talked to with a lot -both about dating and girls and they both said i had aspergers sydrome. taht was the reason why i had so much trouble dating and getting a gf and it had nothing to do with myself not having a car or access to one.

well my chinese immirgrant old fashioned mom said that a reason girls won;t take me seriously or want to date me or have me as a bf is b/c i don't have a POWER JOB. POWER JOB=making lot of money , and the top dog in the position. computer engineer in a big company, financial planner in the bank, CGA, CA,-pretty much a prestige job that rolls in the dough

to the girls out there how important is the guys job to you. i mean for sure he needs a job right. but do you care about the position title and what he does --- prestige and how much he makes. i mean how important is this to a guy your seeing.

i mean what happens if your making decent money and yoiu like the job you have. do you really have to push yourself to the top to make more money to gain more woman in your dating life. like do women these days really attracted to men with lot of power in their job.

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aznlilboiz
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Post by aznlilboiz » Jan 26th, '09, 05:47

5 of my friends are restaurant delievery boy...and they got a girl friend......

if a girl like your money....they are pretty useless.....
find a girl who like who you are not what you are...

not all girls like a men cause of their job........

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groink
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Post by groink » Jan 26th, '09, 06:09

Having a girlfriend can mean different things. Just because a guy has a g/f doesn't mean she'll stick with him forever. I've always said this, even during my teens, that what is the sense of having a girlfriend if you're not planning on being with her for the rest of your life? For me at the time, girls was a waste of time, and I used the time to complete secondary and graduate schools.

I think this point is something aznlilboiz isn't thinking about, considering his age. joewong's thinking is that for a girl to stick with you, you as a guy must show some form of reliability. For me, being reliable has much to do with your financial situation. It doesn't mean you need to have a six-figure salary; as long as you have your finances in order, renting an apartment, and have a full-time job, these points establish reliability.

To be quite honest, delivery boys, grocery store stock boys, etc. are not reliable yet. For most of those relationships, to the girl it is more about killing time and not being lonely, than it is to settle down with the guy long-term. Girls mature much quicker than boys. The girl may be dating that delivery boy, but she WILL become bored with that concept, and she will soon start looking for a man who has a more solid foundation. The quicker boys complete school and start getting their adulthood into gear, the better.

--- groink
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aznlilboiz
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Post by aznlilboiz » Jan 26th, '09, 06:24

[quote="groink"]
To be quite honest, delivery boys, grocery store stock boys, etc. are not reliable yet. ]

thats just an example for him not all girls love rich men.
also, a full time job in a restaurant or chinese/asian restaurant as a deliever boy makes a decent amount of money. well over here in boston that is.

joewong
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Post by joewong » Jan 26th, '09, 08:52

groink wrote:Having a girlfriend can mean different things. Just because a guy has a g/f doesn't mean she'll stick with him forever. I've always said this, even during my teens, that what is the sense of having a girlfriend if you're not planning on being with her for the rest of your life? For me at the time, girls was a waste of time, and I used the time to complete secondary and graduate schools.

I think this point is something aznlilboiz isn't thinking about, considering his age. joewong's thinking is that for a girl to stick with you, you as a guy must show some form of reliability. For me, being reliable has much to do with your financial situation. It doesn't mean you need to have a six-figure salary; as long as you have your finances in order, renting an apartment, and have a full-time job, these points establish reliability.

To be quite honest, delivery boys, grocery store stock boys, etc. are not reliable yet. For most of those relationships, to the girl it is more about killing time and not being lonely, than it is to settle down with the guy long-term. Girls mature much quicker than boys. The girl may be dating that delivery boy, but she WILL become bored with that concept, and she will soon start looking for a man who has a more solid foundation. The quicker boys complete school and start getting their adulthood into gear, the better.

--- groink

the funny thing renting an apartment for my folks would not be considered reliable. lol they would say even owning an apartment as not reiable, but owning a house it

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groink
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Post by groink » Jan 26th, '09, 09:14

joewong wrote:the funny thing renting an apartment for my folks would not be considered reliable. lol they would say even owning an apartment as not reiable, but owning a house it
The only problem with purchasing a house today is that it is a VERY, VEEEEERY bad time to do so. Interest rates on home loans are sky-high. I don't think you'll even be able to obtain a loan - even if you have the down payment. Many banks have problems of their own, and loaning money is the last thing they want to do (loaning money to high-risk borrowers is why these companies are in ruin in the first place.) So, tell your parents to re-evaluate their beliefs, and ask them if they think paying a mortgage at a two-digit interest rate is a reliable (and sane) thing to do?

And besides... An apartment is a better investment than a home with a yard. Y'know what's underneath that yard? Water and sewage pipes, and electrical, TV and telephone cables! These things can go bad on you in the long-term, and it'll cost you tens of thousands of dollars to repair. And maintaining the roof? I'm going through these problems myself as we speak. I'm seriously thinking about tearing the 50-year old house down and re-build. And even in my situation, the last thing I want to do is borrow money to re-build. This is what happens when you own a house. With an apartment, you don't have these kinds of problems.

Yes, folks, these are the kinds of things us grown-ups are faced with....

--- groink
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Maryvel
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Post by Maryvel » Jan 26th, '09, 09:36

Besides, this "must own a house"-business is a very american thing. Nobody in Austria would want something like that. It's a hassle and too expensive. :roll

But anyway. I think deep down in our hearts we all dream of the rich prince who will support us for the rest of our life. :lol
But most women know that that won't make them happy. A guy, who spends all his time at work, and only leaves his wife his credit card to have her off his chest, will always end up with the same kind of woman. It depends on what you want really.
Since most men only define themselves over their jobs, I think that most of you might be quite happy that way.

But always remember that it is different for us. Yes, we value our jobs too, but we have other prioritys as well. And more often than not they will come first.
So I think most women would prefer a guy who spends time with her, rather than on the job.
Forget about the job, think about the good qualities you already have. :-)

nankasento
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Re: reason i have trouble with women is b/c i don't have a P

Post by nankasento » Jan 26th, '09, 14:14

joewong wrote:i even been told by 2 ppl a co worker i worked with pretty close and a classmate who i talked to with a lot -both about dating and girls and they both said i had aspergers sydrome. taht was the reason why i had so much trouble dating and getting a gf and it had nothing to do with myself not having a car or access to one.
I don't think you have AS, especially because 2 friends say this; it's a very difficult disorder to diagnose amongst the ASD's. This is because there is still doubt with the distinction between High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and AS.

Diagnosing AS starts at a young age, between 4 and 11 and is done with a multidisciplinary team observing in multiple settings and takes a lot of time.
I really doubt a couple of friends or co-workers can diagnose something as difficult as that unless they are leading scientist in that field.

So unless they are, you also shouldn't stick such labels to yourself, they aren't attractive labels to have if your searching for a girl- or boyfriend.

I work on the weekends at an Institution that does this kind of observations and have met many clients with numerous disorders, diseases and disabilities and I really find you shouldn't diagnose yourself with a couple of friends / co-workers, it's not that easy.

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Post by ethidda » Jan 26th, '09, 15:19

Well, for me, it's not about security or "power job" but rather ambition. I have always been interested in different types of guys, but they all want something MORE than what they have and they are willing to work for it and confident that they will get there eventually. So, if you are a grocery clerk and you seem complacent about your position, then that's not attractive. But if you're working as a grocery clerk but have solid plans to go to law school or MBA or something, then that's much more admirable.

Of course, it also depends on the girl's own financial security. For example, I know I will be financially secure by myself, and so I would be willing to stick it out with a guy who is still working towards his goal. However, if a girl would be depending on a guy financially, then you can understand why she would only be interested in someone who is already financially secure.

But overall, yes, a relationship is an investment. Your girlfriend would be putting in something, be it time, money, emotions, etc... And she wants to get something out of it, though not necessarily monetary (maybe it's just great sex ;) ). So you should think about what you have to offer a prospective girlfriend and present that on your first meeting, and avoid sounding unconfident and self-conscious.

Oh, and one last thing, if you never go out... then you won't meet any girls, and naturally you won't get a girlfriend.

nankasento
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Post by nankasento » Feb 22nd, '09, 16:23

ethidda wrote:Well, for me, it's not about security or "power job" but rather ambition. I have always been interested in different types of guys, but they all want something MORE than what they have and they are willing to work for it and confident that they will get there eventually. So, if you are a grocery clerk and you seem complacent about your position, then that's not attractive. But if you're working as a grocery clerk but have solid plans to go to law school or MBA or something, then that's much more admirable.
And what if they already achieved it? Let's say this person already worked x amount of years to get his or her position as a CEO or other position of her or his ambition all the way up from whatever starting position. This person would probably be content with the achievement it's just that you missed the period they got there.

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Katschoo
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Post by Katschoo » Feb 22nd, '09, 17:12

if they already achiveved it, they have schown that they have ambition. bc, if they had not, they would not have reached this goal. but for myself: i don´t want to miss this period (or i´m glad i did´t miss it, better to say), because thats part of bilding a future together. start small and then go all the way together.

and ethidda is right, you won´t meet a girl at home, go out!
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nankasento
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Post by nankasento » Mar 7th, '09, 15:25

That makes sense, but it probably only applies up to a certain age, or maybe a second time at another company or something.

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Ivanavi
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Post by Ivanavi » Mar 7th, '09, 16:10

So what you are saying is: men who have power jobs don't have trouble with women? Nah. I'm an accountant, and I always see women trying to attract my bosses. But that's that, attraction. You get the girls but that does not mean you can keep them. Women love hard-working guys who will still have the time to make them feel special.

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Post by ethidda » Mar 7th, '09, 18:37

Yeah, I think once you let go of your drive, you're dead. Naturally, I'm not attracted to people who don't want to do MORE, whatever that MORE may be. Maybe you have a top job, so now you're quitting and doing a risky start up. Or maybe you've decided to take time off to travel the world... But there should be a drive to do something. You shouldn't just be waiting for life to happen--because it won't.

Also, for a girl, there are guys we date just because we're lonely or insecure, there are guys we're sexually interested in (though we may choose not to act on it), and there are guys we would actually live with. What kind of a guy do you want to be? (Well, I think it would depend on the girl that's seeing you.)

Oh, and what's with guys posting personals online (which is already strange enough) and only posting about what they WANT not what they have to OFFER? Dude, you've already been rejected by the majority of the dating market! My girl friends and I read them for laughs, but some of them are just sad.

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Post by kenu » Apr 6th, '09, 12:59

Yeah. There are a ton of girls who like rich men.

I know a girl who's ok face, cutish, but nice thin body with good boobs for an asian girl. All she does is date men with money. If you're looking for the damn hot chicks looking for money and an easy ride, forget it.

Other girls are more reasonable and date guys at their level and decide to plan for life working together.

ethidda said it well when she offered feedback about what is attractive to her. She doesn't care about a guy's current status too much, she cares about where he is going and wants to go there with him.

Material things, these things will eventually come with time and continual hardwork.

I suspect what is really holding you back is personality things. Personality things or traits are harder to break. Because of your strict classical asian upbringing you sound like you find it hard to assert yourself or your desires. That label of Aspergers sydrome, pffft don't even think about it, why let someone box you in and set your limits?

Act on your goals.

Ask girls out, what is the worst that could happen? They say no. Big deal, move on.

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