What if you were the reason why she was always unhappy?
What if when you were with her, she always got hurt by you more than she smiled because of you?
What if she left and said that she lost all of her feelings towards you?
What if she came back?
Every day would pass just like another boring day for this boy. He would get up, go to class, come back to his apartment, eat, do homework, and then watch anime. He would rarely go out, except in order to get groceries. When Fridays came around, he would go to class, then come back, eat a quick meal and then pack up and head home so that he’d be able to go to work later on. It was just school, work, sleep, and eat. A peaceful and lonely existence, yes. He would continue this for weeks, and as the seasons changed from summer, to fall, to winter, and then spring, the same continued to happen. Sure, he’d occasionally meet up with friends, but it couldn’t help fill that void. Every night when he closed his eyes to go to sleep, he’d wonder if there was someone out there who would need him, want him. At that time, he’d do anything to make her happy, make her smile.
And then it happened. One day as he was at the student union, a fateful encounter occurred. The reason why I say fateful is because he would’ve never been there if he never planned on selling back his books. And she, she was there for other reasons. Nonetheless, their paths crossed. She skipped most of the calculus classes. He attended every single one, though he’d always be late for each one. To make matters worse, he’d come late, wear something flashy, and sit down in the front and middle. Almost impossible to ignore. She remembered that he’d be at every lecture, even in previous quarters. And so, she called out to him. He ignored the first few calls. After all, why would a girl that he doesn’t know ever call out to him in a place like that? It took a while for him to turn around, and then after looking for someone else to place the call to, he could find no one but himself. And so they chatted for a bit. Before they parted, they exchanged phone numbers. She needed help in math, he wanted to help her in math. Before long, after finals, they would begin dating.
And so their first date ignited a relationship. He picked her up at her house, and in that day, he drove well beyond 400 miles, showing her all the areas of his home area, the cities, the sights, and all the places that related to his growing up. They also shared an intimate moment of just talking at a scenic vista point where there was a fantastic view overlooking all of the bridges and cities in the area. He had helped her up onto the railing, and both of them stared into the distance as they talked about values, family, love, relationships and life.
When he first said he loved her, she said that she didn’t believe in love anymore. That love was just a word and nothing more. He, a hopeless romantic, vowed that he would make her believe in love again. And so, he tried, and tried and tried. Little surprises, and sharing special moments. Each learned something from the other, each learned something about the other. He wrote her poems, even though they were just words. He’d help her with the classes that she was taking that he had already took. And, she was happy. But she still could not say that she loved him. She only said that she liked him. And he wrote a little story about a scenario like that. A story that she would never see or hear. He wrote her poems and texted it over to her cell phone. When she asked him why he loved her, he said that it was because she decided that he was worth a try. It was because she was considerate and kind.
And so their relationship developed over the summer. He would drive 100 miles up to his apartment then 30 more miles just so that he could see her. But, there was more drama on the horizon.
You see, this guy crashes his dad’s car, and then his grandmother and mother forbid him from seeing her ever again, saying that she’s the reason why it happened. She was considered bad luck to him. This guy then goes out to reflect on his life, them, family, and wearing the sweatshirt that both of them had picked out during one of their shopping trips, leaves the house to visit the lagoon. As the sun set on the horizon and it’s orange-red light reflected across the water, he was texting her that it would be the final time that he would be able to contact her. After that, everything would be over, as he would be forced to break up with her, never to see her face again, never to hear her sweet voice another time. He carved his emotions into his arm as he was reflecting on what he would do. After many tears, arguments between son and parents, and after crying his heart out to the point where it hurt so bad that he could no longer breathe, his parents agreed that he could see her. After all, she was that important. She would be the reason why when he felt that loss, he cried a pool of tears into his bed. And this was not just a figurative pool of tears. It was actually 1 foot across and 1 centimeter deep worth of tears that pooled up.
She later saw those scars and made him promise that he would never do that again.
And so over that summer, they went places, took pictures, fought a little, laughed, smiled, cried, cuddled.
It wasn’t until this guy decided that one way to prove his love was to show how dedicated he would be. And so, within a timeframe of 3 weeks during summer vacation, he would fold 1000 paper cranes for her. These were cranes of different colors and he would end up arranging them to spell out ‘devotion’ after being strung together into a wall scroll. One wish, written inside the 1000th crane was to be together forever. Another wish was to help her believe in love again.
And so three months after he set off on his mission, they kissed after a day at the fair. He wondered the meaning and she said that she was ready to say that she loved him back. Being a nice guy had shown its bright side.
Both of them were excited that the school year would begin, and that they would be together for the week instead of having to spend only minute sections of time together. As the school year started, things got a little rough, but they worked things out. They went to places together, shopping, and cuddled together. But as Christmas approached, problems were once again brewing.
Again, somehow the grandmother convinced the mother that the son should not see that girl anymore. And for some reason, it happened. He was again forbidden to see her. He, feeling in his heart how important this girl was to him, wrote a letter, signed his name in blood and left for his apartment. She never knew about that letter. He then took her out for their 6 month anniversary and they drove well beyond 100 miles to his home area to eat and watch a movie. Over dinner a question from her arose and she began to break down in tears.
This time, the girl questioned the boy that he would eventually move on without her. He seemed to have his life all planned out, with such determination and confidence that she was worried that she wasn’t going to be a part of it. Over dinner, she began to tear up. The boy asked the girl, “what’s wrong?” with a loving and concerned look on his face. His major, his job, and all the courses it would take were all so carefully laid out. How could she not worry? He tenderly assured her that she wasn’t going to be left behind and that he was there, so she should stop worrying. It ended with a hug and kiss and they finished their dinner at the restaurant. After cuddling and watching a movie at the cinemas, they later return back to the area where she lived and he stayed at his apartment until his family admitted that they were being foolish and childish and that they missed him and valued him dearly. After all he was their only child.
The new year, and soon he would switch his major. She was worried that things were changing, but he made their anniversaries and Valentines Day extra special. Candles, personally made 9 course dinner with desserts, flowers, and even origami roses.
And even though they fought in between these happy moments, they always seemed to work the issues out. However, his grades were falling and courses were getting tougher. He dropped a few classes, and it helped a bit, but not as much as she had hoped.
Soon, he had to make a decision. And that decision was the beginning of the end for them.
You see, he started investing more time into studying over her. He no longer spent as much time with her, cuddling, kissing, helping her with her work. He knew that. However, she never knew how much it hurt to have to choose between his career and his relationship. He would stay up late at night working on one last tidbit of homework while she slept without his warm arms around her. And slowly, the love for him in her began to fade. It seemed that his priority for her has gone down.
So even though that happened, summer was rolling around the corner. This boy made plans on getting a little fuel efficient car so that they could roadtrip somewhere, maybe a seaside hotel in a small town and spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast. That never happened.
You see, once summer came around, the boy worked, and worked, and worked. And two weeks later, once he was ready to get the car, she was ready to take a break from him. And despite that, he said that it was ok and fair because he loved her and that if she needed time, he would willing give it to her despite how his heart didn’t. She told him that they might get back together once the next school year started. He really believed that. Even more, he didn’t want that break to begin with, because he knew deep inside that it would eventually mean a break-up.
A month later, the break-up really did happen. It was during a hectic week. Lots of problems were going on at work, and then that evening, a call came through on his cell. She said that they needed to talk, and he said that he was there to listen. However, the words that she said next and the tone that came before the words already told him that it would not end happily, at least for him. You see, she had found another man within that time. Someone who was able to show her that he cared more than he did. And she said that he was no longer in her heart, because that flame slowly died away, until it was completely empty and cold. He didn’t know how to take it. She told him to move on, but how could he move on when all he was thinking about was her? What did this new guy do that he couldn’t?
And so, he tried to win her back. She said that he might end up waiting a long time until he’d even be able to start over again. The first night, he wrote a song for her, sung it and sent it to her. The second night he folded 100 cranes, wrote numbers on them and a message to be found once they were placed in order, and sent them Priority Overnight mail. The third night, he made a slideshow of drawings done to a set of song lyrics. And the fourth night she told him that it was all pointless and futile, because it was over and she was with somebody new. In her heart, she loved somebody new. But it in his heart, it was never over. It was only the beginning of rekindling the flame that had died down. He had a summer of plans for them, both, together. Yes… had, but it will never be, because she says she’s happy now.
And so what is a guy to do when the girl he loves says she’s happy with somebody else? This boy tried to win her back, but it hurt her when he did. If she would be happier without him, then he would have to just watch from the distance, and be happy for them. It hurt, but that’s how it would be. Standing from a distance watching, forced to be like a guardian angel. He could only watch, but never again be the closest part of her life. Seeing her being able to show her love again, just not for him. Fate seemed to forbid that kind of contact. Whenever he tried, she would only get hurt.
So now he watches from a distance, carves the wings of an angel onto his back. It is his way of telling his fate. It is the way he now proves his love for her. But she will never know of that and how he also broke his promise to her way back then, more than just twice now. He spilt his heart, tears, and blood for her back then, and he still does now. But she will never know.