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How to Pursue a Relationship

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kouba
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How to Pursue a Relationship

Post by kouba » Sep 19th, '07, 05:06

well then...
Last edited by kouba on May 11th, '08, 09:44, edited 1 time in total.

2Quyen
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Re: How to Pursue a Relationship

Post by 2Quyen » Sep 19th, '07, 05:28

Unless you got looks, height, some personality, and of course money. It's goining to be tough. If you're good looking and tall you got it made. But for the rest of the average joe ... it's tough. Especially in California with all the princess syndrome (girls will never admit to it).

Just say hi and be yourself. If the girl likes you then that's good. If not and that's for the average joe just move on. Relationship at your age group is not straight forward. Good luck! You will need it.

mimmi
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Post by mimmi » Sep 19th, '07, 17:47

yup, just say hi to her when ever you have the chance....if she says hi back to you, then strike up small conversations in that 3 min. or when ever you run into her....but if she doesn't respond, then just move on....you're only 18th, and before you'll know it, there will be plenty of girls coming and going in your life....so good luck to you with your studies and enjoy life too :-)....

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Lesus
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Post by Lesus » Sep 19th, '07, 18:31

These things are always so hard to explain...

Can you tell us a little about the girl?? Is she one of those fashion obsessed girls that spends all her time at the mall?? (Thats what you American teenagers do now adays right?). Is she shy, out-going, confident?

At the moment, best thing I can say is: avoid the 'friend' trap. I fell for it alot when I was younger... Getting friendly and just chatting as friends is the best stratergy right? ...No. You'll only get the line, 'Oh I don't want to ruin our friendship'.

The reason why I asked about the girl herself, is to judge her standards... It is true alot of girls have high standards... They want the pretty guy with the car and blah blah. However there are also alot of girls that are realistic, and don't expect to find their Prince Charming.

They will still say no if you look like a hobo, but looks are slightly less important when it comes to females. They just want a guy that's enteresting to be with. Thats why you get girls say, 'Confidence is a man most attractive feature'. If his confident dates won't be full of awkrad siliences and stuff.

So when you do communicate with her the MOST IMPORTANT THING is eye contact and body language... It might sound primitive and women here will deny this, but make sure your chest is out! And I don't mean in a naked way. It sounds really....really silly, but its a sign of confidence. If not, just make sure your not staring at your shoes... :unsure:

This might help too. Example A: Emma. The first girl I liked at school. I came on too strong too quickly and she shot me down. Danielle: Another rejection, this time because I played it safe and ended up in the friend trap.

Example B: Sarah. My most recent Ex. We worked together and was really pretty. I was pretty damn sure she'd turn me down... What I did to win her over was:
1) Got some new clothes
2) Found out from a mutual friend we had a common interest - classical and rock music.
3) One day at lunch, I was sat near her and her talking to a friend about Linkin Park. My favorite band. I calmy sat down with them and said, 'Sorry to inturrpt, but I didn't know you liked Linkin Park'. She smiles politly and all 3 of us chatted for the rest of lunch.
4) After the ice was broken, we started chatting whenever we both ended up at the printer, and eventually she asked me to go out to lunch.
5) It was that lunch break I asked if she wanted to get a drink after work and chat music.

After that the rest kind of took care of itself.

Sorry for the long post, but I hope it all makes sense and is of help.

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Shadow Hexagram
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Post by Shadow Hexagram » Sep 19th, '07, 19:18

Kouba, just a piece of advice here: build some self-confidence (okay, I know, always easier said than done, everyone says that, and bla bla bla...), but here's the plan:

1. put forward the qualities you have regarding the place or class when you usually meet twice a week, without overdoing it.
2. Don't send her any signal, don't ask her for a pen or anything like that. When you look at her, be neutral (yes, destabilize her !!! Girls, women in general love attention, and not giving her any will make them wonder about you... One good point to you)
3. be polite with her before class and react positively to one or two comments she may give.
4. BE IN CONTROL
5. Then ask her for the group project.
6. After, the rest is up to you.

If you project some aura of control, self-confidence, but also happiness, you'll be more likely to gaining points.... And don't forget: if you track her down, she'll flee. If you position yourself as the center of the world, she'll sure notice you, and be puzzled.

uberfrau
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Post by uberfrau » Sep 19th, '07, 19:51

As a woman, I have to say that the worst thing any guy can do is put on a big act. For me there is no bigger turn off than that. If you feel you have to change yourself in anyway from dressing differently to acting more confident than you really are to get this girls attention, it's not worth your time.

And don't stick out your chest! If you get noticed doing that it will make you look silly.

I also don't think you should avoid sending her a signal... If you don't really know her that well, she probably wouldn't bother to waist time wondering about you.

The best way to get to know her better is ask her if she and some of her friends would like to go do some sort of group activity with you and your friends. It would not really be a date and there would be other people there so there is no pressure.

If that goes well then ask her to do something casual like have lunch together. That is how my boyfriend and I started going out.

That's my advice...Good luck whatever you decide to do.

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Lesus
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Post by Lesus » Sep 19th, '07, 21:08

uberfrau wrote:
And don't stick out your chest! If you get noticed doing that it will make you look silly.

.
A-Ha!! See I told you they would deny it :lol:

However, I think the points been slightly missed. Obviously don't do a King Kong impression or act like a peacock in the middle of a mating dance... I was trying to stay posture and body language is important. You don't want to look like a guy that can't carry his own weight. You body language needs to be approachable and open, not introverted and awkward.....

As for the 'hating guys that put on a big act'... That's true for only a very small degree. Obviously...just don't over do it and act like 'the Fonz' she'll see straight through it.. NO ONE IS 100% THEMSELVES UPON FIRST MEETING SOMEONE THEY LIKE. Unless you're drop dead gorgeous and you know it, you will always fear rejection. So to a certain degree, yes you do have to put on an act. But that act is simply 'No I'm not crapping myself right now, I'm calm and composed'. Remember, just eye contact, strong posture and body language...

Another thing... There's nothing wrong with getting a few new trendy clothes, changing your hair etc. Not for the girl, but to make you feel better and more confidence in yourself. Its stupid to say that's wrong....After all that's what the majority of girls do. :glare:

Lola
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Post by Lola » Sep 19th, '07, 21:38

kouba,
I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you! You sound like a really nice person.. If you like this girl then I think you should just talk to her as much as possible and invite her for coffee, or to study together. If you feel awkward or can't think of anything to talk about, you can always talk abotu the class you take together, right?

As a girl, that's my advice.She will be really flattered by the attention if you take the time to get to know her.

Good luck! :salut:

kouba
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Post by kouba » Sep 20th, '07, 00:59

2Quyen wrote:Unless you got looks, height, some personality, and of course money. It's goining to be tough. If you're good looking and tall you got it made. But for the rest of the average joe ... it's tough. Especially in California with all the princess syndrome (girls will never admit to it).
Haha, I do live in California, but I'm in northern CA. From your perspective, my chances seem really bleak lol. Looks, well...I guess I'm ok. Most girls seem to put me in the cute category, so I'm not really repulsive looking, but I don't have that tall strapping young lad look. Money...well, I'm a college student. :P
mimmi wrote:yup, just say hi to her when ever you have the chance....if she says hi back to you, then strike up small conversations in that 3 min. or when ever you run into her....but if she doesn't respond, then just move on....
I don't think she would be despondent to anyone who talked to her. She seems like a really nice person. But yeah, I'll say hi whenever I can.
Lesus wrote: "Can you tell us a little about the girl??
Well,. I don't really know much about her since I've only been able to talk to her for a few minutes. From what I gathered, she's older than me (a year or two, not sure if this plays against me), she seems to have a plan in life because she knows what she's going to do with her major, she has a soft voice and doesn't like talking in front of the class, she doesn't say "like" every other word so I'm guessing she isn't one of those materialistic girls (she dresses nicely, but she doesn't look skanky or anything like that lol), and uh...that's all I can remember. She seems like an inquisitive type of person though, because she asked a lot of questions.

I'll keep in mind eye contact/body posture though.
Shadow Hexagram wrote: Kouba, just a piece of advice here: build some self-confidence (okay, I know, always easier said than done, everyone says that, and bla bla bla...), but here's the plan:

1. put forward the qualities you have regarding the place or class when you usually meet twice a week, without overdoing it.
2. Don't send her any signal, don't ask her for a pen or anything like that. When you look at her, be neutral (yes, destabilize her !!! Girls, women in general love attention, and not giving her any will make them wonder about you... One good point to you)
3. be polite with her before class and react positively to one or two comments she may give.
4. BE IN CONTROL
5. Then ask her for the group project.
6. After, the rest is up to you.
Haha, it's funny you mention the pen thing because she told me she forgot her bag with all of her stuff, so she asked me for a pen. I think she honestly forgot it though...and about the neutral look. I tend to smile or chuckle just to keep things light hearted. I'm not sure if I could have a neutral persona.
uberfrau wrote: As a woman, I have to say that the worst thing any guy can do is put on a big act. For me there is no bigger turn off than that. If you feel you have to change yourself in anyway from dressing differently to acting more confident than you really are to get this girls attention, it's not worth your time.
Lesus wrote: Another thing... There's nothing wrong with getting a few new trendy clothes, changing your hair etc.
I understand about the whole "act" thing, but I agree with Lesus that you have to, to a certain degree. But I'm not going to deceive her about myself; that would just be wrong. And about my appearance, I happen to only have black band shirts with a spectrum of loose shorts, and I also wear sandals to school. It's a real casual look...I don't know if I can go with dress shirts or polo shirts or something like that. Also, about the hair thing. I've got long hair, and by long I mean past the shoulders long (my hobby is guitar and my favorite music is metal, so I was influenced to grow it out). It's not messy or anything. A lot of people say that it looks nice, but of course some of my guy friends make feminine jokes about it. I never looked good with short hair, plus, I end up looking like an average asian joe if I cut it.
Lola wrote: I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you! You sound like a really nice person.. If you like this girl then I think you should just talk to her as much as possible and invite her for coffee, or to study together. If you feel awkward or can't think of anything to talk about, you can always talk abotu the class you take together, right?
Thanks. I don't really drink coffee, but the studying thing might work. The thing is though, she's taking the class only to get enough credits to entitle her to "full time student." So, I'm not really sure how interested she is in studying for a "worthless" class. Yeah, I seem to have trouble with what to say, but I've been thinking about topics before I talk to her, kind of lame, but you just gave me an idea so thanks. :)

----

Everyone, thanks for your opinions. I'll add to this thread if anything happens or if I need additional advice.

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Lesus
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Post by Lesus » Sep 20th, '07, 01:09

Haha... Wouldn't worry about the hair. I used to have long hair past my sholders. Thats how I got the name Lesus. Some girls seem to like it. :)

Well, as the Japanese say, Ganbatte!

uberfrau
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Post by uberfrau » Sep 21st, '07, 05:08

Lesus wrote:
uberfrau wrote:
And don't stick out your chest! If you get noticed doing that it will make you look silly.

.
A-Ha!! See I told you they would deny it :lol:

However, I think the points been slightly missed. Obviously don't do a King Kong impression or act like a peacock in the middle of a mating dance... I was trying to stay posture and body language is important. You don't want to look like a guy that can't carry his own weight. You body language needs to be approachable and open, not introverted and awkward.....

As for the 'hating guys that put on a big act'... That's true for only a very small degree. Obviously...just don't over do it and act like 'the Fonz' she'll see straight through it.. NO ONE IS 100% THEMSELVES UPON FIRST MEETING SOMEONE THEY LIKE. Unless you're drop dead gorgeous and you know it, you will always fear rejection. So to a certain degree, yes you do have to put on an act. But that act is simply 'No I'm not crapping myself right now, I'm calm and composed'. Remember, just eye contact, strong posture and body language...

Another thing... There's nothing wrong with getting a few new trendy clothes, changing your hair etc. Not for the girl, but to make you feel better and more confidence in yourself. Its stupid to say that's wrong....After all that's what the majority of girls do. :glare:
Sorry Lesus, but you haven’t convinced me....I don't think a hair cut and some new clothes can actually make anyone genuinely confident. If you have true confidence in yourself, you will feel that way no matter what you are wearing...

Anyway, what’s wrong with t-shirts and sandals??? There’s a lot that can be said for the low maintenance type of guy… It says “Look at me, I’m not a mindless consumer”… I think that’s plenty attractive in a man.

Secondly, it's not impossible to find people aren’t afraid to be 100% themselves even when you are just getting to know them. I know because I found one when I was 19. On our first date, he took me shopping for Star Wars toys and did not dress in a way that could be considered “nice”... Even though he was somewhat strange, I appreciated that he was the sort of person who was willing to be completely himself no matter what anyone else thought… We have been together almost 7 years now and I can’t imagine what my life would be like now if I had passed him up just because he was a badly dressed Star Wars geek... People who are not afraid to be themselves no matter what are always the most interesting in the long run... I will stand by that till I die :P

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pwner4once
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Post by pwner4once » Sep 22nd, '07, 02:14

personally i think the best way to find a girl is to try not hurry the steps. Speaking from personal experience. I would always see a really hot girl and think about that's what i want for my life! Instead of acting and be a normal guy, i attempt to be funny and etc but ending up in a very weird manner which often is NOT a good beginning when the guy is not the best looking out of the whole darn university. Anyhow most girls don't go for the size or so I believe. The best way is to hang out with her and her friends and etc. Get to know each other and call for dinner/lunch. Try not to sound so eager or they will become disappointment to you. therefore always make up some kind of excuse and make it sounds like they are the last backup for the thing. When talking, try flirting here and there. Although the material / conversation might not be funny but it would definitely leave a good impress and sometimes leaves the girl in wonder. :-)

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Yorokobi
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Re: How to Pursue a Relationship

Post by Yorokobi » Sep 24th, '07, 03:12

2Quyen wrote:Unless you got looks, height, some personality, and of course money. It's goining to be tough. If you're good looking and tall you got it made. But for the rest of the average joe ... it's tough. Especially in California with all the princess syndrome (girls will never admit to it).

Just say hi and be yourself. If the girl likes you then that's good. If not and that's for the average joe just move on. Relationship at your age group is not straight forward. Good luck! You will need it.
The first half of this comment annoys me to some degree it make all us girls seem really shallow or is it just that Californian girls are particuarly so?
In terms of high you dont necessarily have to be tall but I will admit that most girls like their guy to be at least a little bit taller than they are, but not always.
Money is not a must, only for those extremly materialistic girls and college students generally understand that other college students have little money so I dont think that would be a problem for you.
Looks totally depends on the girl. A guy who looks really ugly to me can look very hot to another girl. It all depends on what her type is and even then girls will often find themselves falling for someone who isnt their type so you always have a chance as long as she doesnt find you repulsive and as youve talked to her and she actually appoached you to ask to borrow a pen im pretty sure she doesnt find you repulsive.

The whole thing about just being yourself may be difficult but its deffinatly what you should aim for. If she doesnt like you for you then shes not worth it.

Im not an experienced person myself but I hope this helped and please dont think all girls just care about height and money etc!

kouba
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Post by kouba » Sep 27th, '07, 03:54

Ok, so just to summarize, I've been talking to her in class and it just so happens that there's extra credit if you go to see this documentary which will be shown on campus. I've already been told I made a mistake and should have "made my move" when she asked if I was going, but instead of saying yes and asking if she wanted to go with me, I said "Maybe. I'm not sure. Are you going?" She wasn't sure either. I only said maybe, because I had no intention on going unless she went, but anyways, the idea was kind of unresolved, so at the end of class I mentioned it again, and she said she had classes all throughout the day, so she wanted me to ask her again which is tomorrow. If she does decide to go, it'll be right after class or a few hours later at night. Is there anything important I should do if she says yes? I'm not much of a fan of documentaries, and I'm pretty sure that she isn't either. It might be boring...but I'd go if she says yes. :)

guess1
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Post by guess1 » Sep 27th, '07, 04:34

Yes, ask her to the documentary! If you guys don't like it, you could always talk about how boring it was afterwards.
or just ask her out for lunch. Show some interest in her and be yourself cause that's when you are most confident. If you like her, show it. Smile, ask questions about her and when you guys have something in common, say so. Talk about what you guys have in common. Remember to smile, best way to show someone you enjoy being with them.
and don't play games, it's a waste of time.

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Firehawk
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Post by Firehawk » Sep 27th, '07, 05:08

She's talking to you, and from what it sounds like she seems reasonably willing to make small talk with you. From just that you can infer at the very least that she wouldn't mind talking to you more, and I think you'd be fairly safe asking her out to lunch or dinner. Just try to be casual about it. You seem like a typical nice guy, which is a plus. Just be yourself and take a little risk. If you're not willing to risk rejection you're not going to get anywhere.

Only other important tip is if you do get to see her more often, do not be clingy. It's really easy to become a little obsessed with trying to structure your free time around being with her. A girl will be far more comfortable if you fit her into your schedule. The mistake a lot of guys make is making a girl they are either interested in or already with the central focus of their life. Just make sure you don't fall into the trap of trying to center your activities and free time around catering to her. Do what you normally do, and simply see her when you can. Fit being with her in as another "activity" in your life, rather than putting aside your previous "normal" lifestyle in favor of one that revolves around her.

I only say this from personal experience - I've had repeated problems with girls because as soon as I was interested in them I became almost obsessive in trying to spend as much time with them as I could. A year or two back I read an interesting article on more or less what I summarized above: a girl will be far more attracted to a man who has a life separate from her, and simply fits her into it, rather than a man who centers his life around her.

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applebear
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Post by applebear » Sep 27th, '07, 05:14

The fact that she asked you if you were going to the documentary is a good, right? It probably means she is thinking of going but doesn't want to sit by herself. So, she must feel comfortable sitting next to you.

Ask if she wants to meet up for it. Maybe you'll be hungry when it's over?

whether it turns out you end up with a study buddy, a friend or a girlfriend, they are all good things.

kouba
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Post by kouba » Dec 15th, '07, 04:39

:blink
Last edited by kouba on May 11th, '08, 09:47, edited 1 time in total.

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Yorokobi
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Post by Yorokobi » Dec 15th, '07, 07:08

call her

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gnossienneslent
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Post by gnossienneslent » Mar 9th, '08, 22:12

Let me tell you what not to do. Don't write a pm like this:
Hmmm. Forget family intervention lets just skip right to the marriage. Saves alot of time for everyone, forget anything over elaborate straight to the registry office. Expect nothing less from a stalker I guess.

As for me being crazy goes I probably should be sectioned under the mental health act but since I am not aware of it then I doubt anyone else - excluding you which I must say has impressed me (expect nothing less from my wife to be who knows more about me then myself) - does.
That will creep a girl out, even if you are joking.

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sahansah
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Post by sahansah » Mar 9th, '08, 23:51

gnossienneslent wrote:Let me tell you what not to do. Don't write a pm like this:
Hmmm. Forget family intervention lets just skip right to the marriage. Saves alot of time for everyone, forget anything over elaborate straight to the registry office. Expect nothing less from a stalker I guess.

As for me being crazy goes I probably should be sectioned under the mental health act but since I am not aware of it then I doubt anyone else - excluding you which I must say has impressed me (expect nothing less from my wife to be who knows more about me then myself) - does.
That will creep a girl out, even if you are joking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn

Duly noted just what was I thinking? :roll

So tell me just what exactly did I say that riled you?

Now lets get everything in the open shall we? Just to make things more interesting for everyone.

Lets start with how this happened. On Fri 07 Mar 2008, 12:36 a certain person called gnossienneslent posted this in the Mao thread:
gnossienneslent wrote:*burns with envy*

Ah to be on those sets and the center of attention...
So I reply:
gnossienneslent :lol ~ Envious of Mao? Shooock! ~ :O

lol Who wouldn't want to be on the sets of HYD I certainly would! ~ Replace Jun if I could :mrgreen: ~ Which I probably could 8) ~ *sigh* If only I knew Japanese :-)
Her reply:
gnossienneslent wrote:Heck yah, that girl luck, and you are not allowed to replace Jun or Shun.
And my reply:
Fortune favors the brave.

lol Of course I'm not allowed to replace Jun or Shun, just as I am not allowed to be within a hundred mile radius of Mao but that does not stop me does it? (before people start thinking no its not because theres a restraining order out against me....like that could ever happen :roll ....but because Mao would end up under my spell...Yeah I'm a wizard point? ~ Afterall England is famed for its Tea with Jellied Eel, Drunken Hooligans Morris Dancing in the rain, Cockney speaking London cab drivers in bowler hats and Bertie bots every flavor beans)

Thinking about it, me replace Jun or Shun? If I did it would be one of the greatest continuity errors in the history of the entertainment buisness. I can see it now...Jun in one angle of a shot and then suddenly in another angle you see a hot Indian spouting broken Japanese with the odd English and a Chak Deeeeeeeeee! every once in a while in a obviously fake wig. Being overly melodramatic and overacting like no tomorrow before breaking into a song and dance number for no apparent reason. Hmmm I would kill to be in that!

oh and welcome gnossienneslent :thumleft: I take it you are a Mao fan right? :lol :wink:
Which she comes out with:
gnossienneslent wrote:Wielding the mightiest of my girl powers I have yet again drawn the weirdest of the weird on the forum.

This just in... Mao just read your post and now thier is a restraining order out on you now. It's for 100 kilometers, since we don't use your quaint little mile system over here. (That would be about 60% of your requested 100 miles) But congratulations all the same.

Um, I think you have also single-handedly explained the collapse of the British empire. Yes the sun has officially set and you just wrote the epilogue. No wonder they wanted to conquer the world. I mean if that's what you have to work with then go for it, but uh, have you seen what they have in Italy? I think an espresso after a spin in a Ferrari beats those every flavor beans and a cab ride with an incomprehensible goofy capped driver hands down. (And, um, that tea all comes from Asia or Africa..)

I would venture to say that Bollywood films are a cry for help or maybe a result of the trauma suffered under British rule.

Thank you for your, um... unique welcome.

Fan of Mao... well I'd take her out if it got me the role in HYD3, but yeah she's cute enough. Plays the part well. (Who's looking at her anyway?)
Now on my part I was pretty suprised with her post so I PM her to make sure she knew that I was joking:
:lol ~ I thoroughly enjoyed your response even though it was a very witty attack on me.

lol don't worry I'm not a crazy person as most people probably think. I just like to entertain. I'm not the serious type so I do tend to write alot of "weird" posts which are not really supposed to be taken seriously.

Hope to read more of your posts and replies! :lol ~

Anyways :thumright:

Ciao
She then PM's me with:
Your subject line was quite deceptive... nothing in your message was about 'hey' at all.

Well it's getting late here... I've stayed up way past my bed time even for a Friday. As for what you actually wrote:
Hope to read more of your posts and replies!
READ: Congratulations, I'm your new stalker.

*bats eyelashes as per social training* How flattering.. you want to beat me now so I can fall in love with you or should we just skip to the family intervention stage?
lol don't worry I'm not a crazy person as most people probably think.
READ: I'm far more crazy than they realize and I'm not even aware of it.

I hope to entertain as well. If you feel insulted by this message just remember you are the one who came closer to the rapier point. I bite, I chew, I gnaw at the bone. I would threaten to shred you the next time you PM me but I sense a deep-seated masochistic side to you that would derive far too much pleasure from that for me to waste my time. Besides it's far more fun for everyone in the forum. *poised Mona Lisa smile*
Okay so I know I said something to upset her so I PM to apologise (okay I crack some jokes as well. Anyone who knows me will know I always do!):
Sorry if I deceived you but the thing is I really don't know anything about "Hey". All I know is that its the first thing most people talk about. Your response to hey was equally deceptive.

Hmmm. Forget family intervention lets just skip right to the marriage. Saves alot of time for everyone, forget anything over elaborate straight to the registry office. Expect nothing less from a stalker I guess.

As for me being crazy goes I probably should be sectioned under the mental health act but since I am not aware of it then I doubt anyone else - excluding you which I must say has impressed me (expect nothing less from my wife to be who knows more about me then myself) - does.

Jokes aside.

It is good to hear that you want to entertain. Though I am really not sure with your comments if your tongue is in cheek or perhaps I may have said something to upset you. If I did say something to upset you then for that I am sorry.

BTW I really like the way you write. Your command of the english language is really good - please don't think this as being ignorant - for someone from Japan. How long have you been learning english for? You're probably more eloquent then me with the language you use.

lol - I didn't mean to offend if I did offend and thats all I wanted to say really when I PMed you because I thought I may have. :| ~ Gomen ne ^^


Now I have no idea what gnossienneslent is thinking. I wouldn't do all this but quite frankly I am not in the mood for any mind games. I know I may have come off like a jerk when I replied to your posts. Fair enough I tried to set the record straight however I should have just apologised the first time round.

I apologise again to gnossienneslent and to everyone else here.

Anyways back on topic:

:scratch: Now I am at a loss so people pleeeeaaaasssse tell me how to pursue her!!!!!! ~ Mao that is :lol

I just don't understand why women have to be so vindictive. So anyone else I have upset? Might as well get it all in the open now :roll

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Yorokobi
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Post by Yorokobi » Mar 10th, '08, 00:23

@sahansah
Well I must say that argument is somewhat entertaining ^_^

let me start by saying please do not assume all girls to be like this one and unable to take a joke.
I can see why you feel the need to appologise as she was trying to make you feel bad a rip apart your confidence with her finely tuned words but to be honest after reading through all that I dont think you have anything to appologise for except for joking with the wrong type of person apparently.

Vindictive is just a small part of what women are made up out of ad the male race will have to learn with it and try best to avoid it or end up burned by it. Quite often we cant even control is, someone says something that pushes the 'turn on vindictivness' button and creates havoc as can be seen in your case

Im glad that your sense of humour is broad enough to view this the way you are and you havent not turned narrow minded and hateful towards the one throwing insults at you as many others would have

As for persuing Mao, despite the apparent restraining order now on you, and the serious stalker act you apparently have going on (just dont go hanakimi styles and you'll be fine), I would say don't think its impossible. I have no advice on how to go about doing it as Im not so hopeful to believe such things could happen but im willing to dredge up the small amount of positivity I have left in my almost completely black heart to wish you luck with it ^_^

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gnossienneslent
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Post by gnossienneslent » Mar 10th, '08, 19:54

*sighs and sighs again*

First of all, I was tossing out what I felt to be a solid piece of advice.

I suppose that sahansah was not able to read between the lines of my reply.
I bite, I chew, I gnaw at the bone. I would threaten to shred you the next time you PM me but I sense a deep-seated masochistic side to you that would derive far too much pleasure from that for me to waste my time. Besides it's far more fun for everyone in the forum.
[Thanks by the way for cutting and pasting all of this. I sort of wanted to get this out in the open to begin with.] I thought it was adequately obvious that I wasn't interested in receiving any more PM's from him and that I prefer to communicate out in the open where everyone can comment, but he decided to be cute and reply with his little quip about marriage. If I had been upset I would have let him know. Did I ever come across as someone who would hesitate? So he was apologizing for nothing, and I don't find that appealing.

Now, I do have one other point to make here. He is posting here, which means that he is reading my posts. This is his first post on this thread, and well I don't think he just happened to start looking at this thread out of the blue. If you want to continue where we left off that's fine, but trying to 'figure me out' or claim martyrdom because you haven't a clue how to respond then I think it's better just to concede with some dignity. Blaming your opponent for your own mistakes is very unbecoming.

I didn't mention who you were in my post so I did pay you the courtesy of anonymity. If you consider that paltry act vindictive, my only response is that you are laughably naïve. Yorokobi seems to enjoy your self loathing, however, so it may just work out for you in the end, but she's over here too.
I can see why you feel the need to appologise as she was trying to make you feel bad a rip apart your confidence with her finely tuned words but to be honest after reading through all that I dont think you have anything to appologise for except for joking with the wrong type of person apparently.
Thanks you. I was doing my best to be selective in my wording.

Well, I think she's 100% right in what she says. I'm another of those women who doesn't know her limits. From the video selections on your blog I assumed you would have afforded me a little more leeway, but it seems I have misjudged you and as a woman it is my duty to swallow my pride and humbly bow down to you in most abject humility and apologize. I misunderstood all that to be satire. Oh wise and noble sir, please forgive me my indiscretions. I only hope that I can find a man with the courage to take me in the back and slap me across the face.

I do love little kittens. They are so soft and furry... Oh, I do feel so much more at ease now. Yes, I was far too assertive. Now we can all get along swell.

*sigh*

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sahansah
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Post by sahansah » Mar 10th, '08, 23:03

Thanks for clearing all that up. I made a mistake I was trying to figure out if you were joking or not because I just was suprised by your comments and I thought I had offended you.

BTW I do check lastest posts in general section, life and relationships and the Japanese section. In case I can contribute or spout something random at times and at times I also tend to resurrect threads. So when I read what you wrote here I was like WTF. I am naive at times so to me yes I thought it was an act out of smite what you wrote here.

I shouldn't have taken things seriously then. It seems I still have quite a bit to learn about the subtly of sarcasm.

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Re: How to Pursue a Relationship

Post by a5s1h9itaka » Apr 11th, '08, 14:08

kouba wrote:I'm 18, never had a girlfriend before, and I just started my second year of college. I don't consider myself hideous, I've just never pursued any girl before, vice versa, or maybe I'm just oblivious. Anyways, I met this girl in class and I'm interested in her. So how do I go about this situation? I only see her twice a week, and I can only fit in 2-3 minutes of small talk before class starts. I know that there's a group project coming up in about 2-3 weeks, so maybe I can somehow weave in there or something...sorry about asking. It's kind of silly, but I'm inept at this kind of stuff. A girl's perspective would be nice, but if anyone has any experience, please respond. Thanks.
How's it going buddy.

I've dated my fair share of girls and had 2 really good long term relationships, but didn't turn out the way i wanted it to.

This is going to sound like a broken record, but it's the truth.

First, start talking to her & her friends. First say hi when you see them first thing at class. don't say anything else for the next day or two. Next time you say hi, ask them how their day or weekend was, and start up a nice conversation. Do this with her friends too! Talk about movies, sports, or music, something you'd like her/them to know about yourself. This will start to develop your confidence.

Second, once you become acustom to small talk with her and her friends, you'll get to know her/them and see if you really are compatable and see if you can take your friendship closer. Ask if they'd like to hang out or something. Exchange numbers/emails. Start to talk with her/them outside of class/school.

Become strong friends, where you can talk to her/them about almost anything. From there you can take the next step. Asking her on to a date. Don't take her/them to a fancy place or goofy place either. Invite her to your place for a movie and cooked meal (that you make) or go out to a picnic or something. When you're out on the date, act like yourself. Talk and Talk. Keep Talking. But don't talk to much about yourself! This is key! You gotta make sure she's talking too, b/c your also seeing if she's the type for you. Make sure you're having fun, b/c if you're having fun, most likely she's having fun too.

This is all that I can offer, in a short summary. But I didn't reall read all of the post, so I don't know if you had any luck already. I'm good at listening and giving advise, but better when the details are given. I can help Girls too.

Note to everyone: Friendship always comes first when you're about (or in) a relationship!

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Post by a5s1h9itaka » Apr 11th, '08, 14:20

kouba wrote: So that's what's been happening the past 3 months if anyone cared, haha. Any comments/suggestions?
Sorry, just read the last posts... looks like you know what you're doing. Good luck!

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Post by kouba » Apr 16th, '08, 03:59

^
haha, the sad news is that I found out she had a boyfriend. I haven't seen or talked to her since that class ended, which is probably for the best. :)

But I am thinking of starting this whole process over again because there's this other girl in one of my classes...hopefully I'll have the guts to actually talk to her tomorrow. I'm not sure, but she may like me because I caught her eyes shifting over towards me while she was taking notes in her notebook and she also offered to turn in my paper for me, but she didn't ask anyone else around her so that was weird. It could just be that she's really nice and I'm over analyzing everything. ugh, I hate being so shy. :\

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Post by akiko-chico » Apr 16th, '08, 04:06

kouba wrote:^
haha, the sad news is that I found out she had a boyfriend. I haven't seen or talked to her since that class ended, which is probably for the best. :)

But I am thinking of starting this whole process over again because there's this other girl in one of my classes...hopefully I'll have the guts to actually talk to her tomorrow. I'm not sure, but she may like me because I caught her eyes shifting over towards me while she was taking notes in her notebook and she also offered to turn in my paper for me, but she didn't ask anyone else around her so that was weird. It could just be that she's really nice and I'm over analyzing everything. ugh, I hate being so shy. :\
Haha that's so cute, yep I think she's interested! go for it I say.

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Post by lincorp.com » Apr 16th, '08, 04:36

kouba wrote:^
haha, the sad news is that I found out she had a boyfriend. I haven't seen or talked to her since that class ended, which is probably for the best. :)

But I am thinking of starting this whole process over again because there's this other girl in one of my classes...hopefully I'll have the guts to actually talk to her tomorrow. I'm not sure, but she may like me because I caught her eyes shifting over towards me while she was taking notes in her notebook and she also offered to turn in my paper for me, but she didn't ask anyone else around her so that was weird. It could just be that she's really nice and I'm over analyzing everything. ugh, I hate being so shy. :\
First thing is to establish a method to contact her. Cell phone, email, IM whatever all these ways will allow you to talk to her without being right in front of her. When i first started, it was a lot easier to talk over the phone than it was to talk face 2 face. Once you establish contact, you want to ask her out, but do it in a way so that you are just going out and not really on a date. There are two schools of though here. One being the traditional method where you spend lots of money on a traditional date. But since you dont want the added pressure of a date, keep the first meeting lax and simple. Over coffee, studyi for a class, etc. Keep it short and before you meet write down a list of things to talk about. Just like you study for a test, you should study up on convo topics as well. Finally, think of funny things to say, women usually prefer guys with a sense of humor. Also watch for body language during the first meeting to gauge her interest in you. Is she making eye contact, does she try to touch you, etc.

Anyway let me know how it goes...

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Post by kouba » Apr 24th, '08, 02:07

She has a boyfriend already too...

I guess my standards are too high :(

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deshou
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Post by deshou » Apr 24th, '08, 03:08

Hmm, I wonder if girls with boyfriends dress up more and are more relaxed with other guys...

Anyway, cheer up !
Don't you start lowering your standards yet^^
Last edited by deshou on Apr 25th, '08, 00:48, edited 1 time in total.

lincorp.com
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Post by lincorp.com » Apr 24th, '08, 21:07

I agree with the poster above...theres plenty of women out there so dont let this one keep you donw...

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Post by bomber1122 » Jan 13th, '10, 12:34

dont persue a relationship cuz that means your dont have one, think of progressing a relationship (having one is a givin)

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