Impossible relationships, ever thought about it?

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KurosakiKaien
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Impossible relationships, ever thought about it?

Post by KurosakiKaien » May 11th, '07, 22:10

Hey everyone, it's been a long time since I posted on here, quite possibly too long. But I just wanted everyone's opinion on 'impossible relationships' so to speak. Of course.. this kind of discussion isn't fair unless I have something to present myself:

I just completed my second year of Japanese study, and it was tough as I'm sure anyone who has taken a language course will tell you, but this semester was particularly unbearable. I didn't notice it at first, but within days I couldn't stop thinking about her, she was my class TA. From her wonderful smile, cute laugh and innocent responses, I thought about her for hours on end, probably every minute or every other minute of everyday for the past 3 1/2 months. Being quite unsociable myself, I had a really tough time talking to her at first, the language barriers weren't helping either. But I took it as it was, tried conversing with her in Japanese, and we talked nearly every other day briefly. The story just unfolded like a drama though, she's going home to Japan in July and I haven't spoken to hear in over a week. Our 'last farewell' ended with a written letter I gave to her (in Japanese), and I haven't seen her since.

There's more details of course, but I don't want to bore anyone with a winded post. Anyone had something that made them think, "It'll never work?" but you still went on anyways?

Thanks everyone, have a nice weekend~

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Post by vulcan300 » May 11th, '07, 22:35

I met my tiny little adorable Japanese wife when I was in high school. I spoke no Japanese and she didn't speak much English. She was 8 years older and I was out of my league. I didn't give it up though. Years of dating, a couple of years of long distance romance from Canada to Japan and now we're very happily married. So nothing is impossible if you go the distance and there's a spark of attraction to kick things off.

Go for it :)

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Post by javinian » May 11th, '07, 22:36

Hope it works, but if you haven't seen her at all since you gave her the letter... it kinda looks bad then. :(

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Post by TRaven » May 11th, '07, 23:17

Ah yes, the first time i saw her, i was thoroughy amazed, she was beatiful, she was funny, she was almost perfect. WHY YOSHIZAWA HITOMI!? WHY!?!?!??!?!?!?!

lmao, sorry, anyway bro, good luck, it's cool to think about her, but dont turn into a stalker Then it'll really turn into the drama, but you'll be the little roach everyone hates.

just my two cents :P
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Post by javinian » May 11th, '07, 23:19

TRaven wrote:Ah yes, the first time i saw her, i was thoroughy amazed, she was beatiful, she was funny, she was almost perfect. WHY YOSHIZAWA HITOMI!? WHY!?!?!??!?!?!?!

lmao, sorry, anyway bro, good luck, it's cool to think about her, but dont turn into a stalker Then it'll really turn into the drama, but you'll be the little roach everyone hates.

just my two cents :P
how do you know i used to be a hitomi yoshizawa fan? :blink

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Post by KurosakiKaien » May 12th, '07, 01:39

vulcan300, wow that sounds really great, thanks for your input. Although they're quite rare I like to hear stories such as yours, they give me hope on otherwise rainy days~ Strangely too I'm from Canada as well.. maybe its not impossible as you say, just incredibly unlikely..

javinian, I spoke to her briefly since then a few times, but nothing else really.... so yeah..

TRaven, thanks for your support, no I'm not a stalker, all the things I've learned about her were public knowledge or I got from her directly so hopefully I'm nothing of a roach... except the part about being stepped on.. hah..

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Post by albertoavena » May 12th, '07, 03:59

I wish you the best. :-) What exactly did you write in your letter? Did you make it clear of your intentions? At least your her friend, aren't you? That's a good start I think. Have you tried calling her to see how she is? Practice as much Japanese and learn as much as you can I guess, then try talking to her.. :thumright:
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Post by spacecommand » May 12th, '07, 04:05

She could have someone she's interested in or already have boyfriend back in Japan.

Just a high possibility one has to consider.

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Post by albertoavena » May 12th, '07, 04:07

Yeah, that's true too.. :-( Not a possibility one wants to consider but could be that...
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Post by KurosakiKaien » May 12th, '07, 04:14

albertoavena wrote:I wish you the best. :-) What exactly did you write in your letter? Did you make it clear of your intentions? At least your her friend, aren't you? That's a good start I think. Have you tried calling her to see how she is? Practice as much Japanese and learn as much as you can I guess, then try talking to her.. :thumright:
Thanks, I appreciate your support :cry: The letter was basically thanking her for her time, and reference to the first time we met, and that I would like to speak with her more, if there was anything she needed she could ask me. The last lines I wrote in english "I realize there are language barriers between us, but I believe that we can work past them." and of course I wished her the best in the future.

About the above comment.. I actually don't have her cell #, its been a bit tough mustering the courage to just ask her randomly like that.. and I do intend to continue my study. I guess you could consider us friends, although I'm sure all the emotion is highly one-sided, I've tried my best to research some of the things she's interested in, and its a little embarrassing to say that I do enjoy what I have seen/heard. In all honesty, she's saved me... if it wasn't for her, I don't think I could have been able to decide on what I want to do in the future.

spacecommand > That actually plagued me for the longest time, I had numerous amount of 'hearsay' stating that she doesn't, as well as other possible evidence. However, the last time I had seen her, I think she confirmed it, she said herself she wished she had one.

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Post by niskoa » May 12th, '07, 05:02

If I may give my opinion...

The possibilities here are not THAT highly impossible. They're just as impossible as any other relationship... A girl and a boy.

Distance, third party, one-sided emotion, it's just as possible in any other circumstance of boy wants girl.

:) So... I don't think your case is that helpless. After all, she was only a TA, so if circumstances are normal, she shouldn't be too much older and is a student herself.

But I think for yourself, you should be sure if this is infatuation or be prepared for any unfavorable possibilities. Since I think this is always most difficult.

I think it's nice for you to keep in touch with her. I'd find it nice if one of my students wanted to write to me.

I'm not sure I entirely agree with some of the comments on here. You shouldn't make your "intentions" clear. In fact, you shouldn't have any intentions. Because you're just setting yourself up.
I don't mean you should give up, though. I just mean you should put it in the back burner. Fact is, she's in another country. And long-distance is usually not an appealing relationship. Besides, it's kind of awkward to get confessed to from an ocean away.

So, only fess up if you think she's got the same feelings. Because currently, if you confess your feelings, it's too unrealistic. You're in two separate countries, you still have your degree to finish, what can you expect to happen? Nothing.

I'd say, use the communication to get to know the person.

My opinion.

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Post by KurosakiKaien » May 12th, '07, 16:59

niskoa wrote:If I may give my opinion...

The possibilities here are not THAT highly impossible. They're just as impossible as any other relationship... A girl and a boy.

Distance, third party, one-sided emotion, it's just as possible in any other circumstance of boy wants girl.

:) So... I don't think your case is that helpless. After all, she was only a TA, so if circumstances are normal, she shouldn't be too much older and is a student herself.

But I think for yourself, you should be sure if this is infatuation or be prepared for any unfavorable possibilities. Since I think this is always most difficult.

I think it's nice for you to keep in touch with her. I'd find it nice if one of my students wanted to write to me.

I'm not sure I entirely agree with some of the comments on here. You shouldn't make your "intentions" clear. In fact, you shouldn't have any intentions. Because you're just setting yourself up.
I don't mean you should give up, though. I just mean you should put it in the back burner. Fact is, she's in another country. And long-distance is usually not an appealing relationship. Besides, it's kind of awkward to get confessed to from an ocean away.

So, only fess up if you think she's got the same feelings. Because currently, if you confess your feelings, it's too unrealistic. You're in two separate countries, you still have your degree to finish, what can you expect to happen? Nothing.

I'd say, use the communication to get to know the person.

My opinion.
Thanks for the in depth response niskoa, she's actually only a few months older than I am, (don't think she knows that). But you're right, when you say things about 'too unrealistic' and unappealing is kind of what I had also factored in when I was referring to something as being "Impossible". Granted, these are problems many people will face, (specifically for any long distance relationship), but what with education getting in the way as well, it doesn't seem anywhere near as likely as I'd like it to be.

You're probably right about the confession though, I don't believe I can do it legitimately. A month or so ago I had honestly told myself I wanted to tell her my real feelings before she went home, because lets face it... regret is definitely one of the other feelings you don't want lingering around. But recently over the last month, I've started to back peddle a bit, I'm leaning towards a sentimental goodbye (if I get the opportunity) without any actual confession; not because I don't want to tell her, but because I don't want to hurt her, confuse her or place her in any position of discomfort.

I'm sure that it's not entirely as one sided as I might think it is on some days, but whether or not her logic (the rationale of which this relationship has no real future at this point) is factored into her emotions I can't be sure of obviously.

Lastly, communication is definitely an issue, I believe that in terms of written conversation (i.e emails/msn/etc) we can both manage quite easily, but it seems my Japanese speech in person is too limited to carry on an in depth conversation; whereas my English is far too colloquial for her to understand.

Thanks again for everyone's help and input, I really appreciate it.

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Post by oyone » May 19th, '07, 08:22

I know what you're going through...I fell in love with my TA too..but it was in French class. I couldn't stop thinking about him every second of every day for two months..I had it bad just like you man. I wrote french poems about him and watched french movies and hummed myself to sleep with french songs...

Then I found out he might be married and have children..and well, let's just say I had a -really- hard time.

--But hey, this girl could be single and totally into you, so go for it if you can!!! Hopefully your story won't end up at a dead end like mine did ^_^;

As for the language barrier, I think that might be good for you because it will REALLY motivate you to learn Japanese. After falling in love with french man, my drive to study french went through the roof and I started studying French poetry, writing songs in French, and even decided to DOUBLE MAJOR in french! So..I think that this may be a good opportunity for you to get ahead in Japanese AND potentially score a nice girl :D So indulge in your emotions! Being infatuated can be a real blessing sometimes. Best of luck to you!

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Post by stefonia » May 21st, '07, 12:16

things arent going as bad as it could go! think about it there's the internet, and hehe, maybe you should start building up your courage to ask for her number before its too late! ganbatte!
and as vulcan300 said, long distance relationship is possible to keep the relationship going!

why dont you try giving something special to her, or leave a happy memory between you guys? that way she would definitely remember you when shes in japan, or maybe even want to talk to you <3

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Post by pubbie » May 21st, '07, 18:57

Well you know what they say: its better to have loved and lost than never ha... pffff haahaah, I almost wrote that with a straight face! You should have banged her then all your fantasizing about her would vanish and you would be able to focus on important things (a category of things women do not belong to). Or maybe you've watched so many dramas that you are trying to turn your life into one.
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Post by ruisu » May 22nd, '07, 01:54

any updates?

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Post by KurosakiKaien » May 23rd, '07, 06:21

pubbie wrote:Well you know what they say: its better to have loved and lost than never ha... pffff haahaah, I almost wrote that with a straight face! You should have banged her then all your fantasizing about her would vanish and you would be able to focus on important things (a category of things women do not belong to). Or maybe you've watched so many dramas that you are trying to turn your life into one.
Not to sound rude or anything... but that's obviously not what I was aiming for when I fell for her. It would be a lie to say that it had never crossed my mind, but the truth of the matter is, I'd rather spend time doing things like seeing a movie, having a picnic, going for a bike ride, or even just riding the train together. And unfortunately, my life is nowhere near as entertaining as a drama, if it were, maybe more people would be laughing.

stefonia > thanks for your support, although I must say, this distance between us is almost unfathomable to me, its as if my thinking is so off-beat and crooked that it's become a straight line.. if that makes any sense... Which is why I'm not sure how much a phone number would even mean at this point.. since she probably won't keep that particular number. I do intend to give her something... before she leaves, as a going away gift, as well as an early Birthday gift. Thanks for the suggestion, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not..

oyone > Thanks for your support as well, I'm sorry to hear about your story. I'm not going to say something like "I'm glad I'm not alone", because the fact of the matter is, we both know what the pain feels like (as well as many others), and I'm sure it's not just me that would rather not have anyone else have the same feeling if avoidable. Also, you're right about the language barrier, that's kind of what I meant when I said I believed that 'we can work past' the barriers; that I would make the effort to close the gap as best I can.

ruisu > Not really.. the gap is getting larger as we speak...

Thanks again for all your support, everyone, I honestly appreciate it.

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Post by ruisu » May 23rd, '07, 10:11

hmmm...that's too bad. you sound like a nice guy. i think 2 months is a pretty short time...so why not just let her know how ya feel? even if she's not into you, people like hearing it. so you'll at least put a smile on her face on her plane ride home. and in your case, you won't have to keep running into her around campus.

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Post by nikochanr3 » May 23rd, '07, 16:03

Friendly coffee with japanese girl in tokyo turned into being email friends, to a brief visit, to talking on the phone, to dating, to getting married. So id say at first, yes it seemed impossible and pointless to think about. But it worked. :salut: 5 years later, married with a beautiful little daughter.

:salut: i cant honeslty say it your situation would work or not but i can wish you well regardless.
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Post by biniBningPunkista » May 23rd, '07, 16:20

there are a lot of things to consider here... honestly i myself hate the idea of IMPOSSIBLE relationships. coz with love involved everything is POSSIBLE (yes. that's how cheezy and romantic i am)

anyways... when you love someone, you go to the next level and run the extra mile. you don't just stay put at your place and just look out and wonder. you have to do stuff to know what the actual outcome would be... don't just stand there and wonder. there are always hope to impossible relationships if you try to make it possible. that's all i'm trying to say here.
oh.. and having to learn her language, that was really earnest and sweet... :)

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Post by ruisu » May 23rd, '07, 19:56

nikochanr3 wrote:Friendly coffee with japanese girl in tokyo turned into being email friends, to a brief visit, to talking on the phone, to dating, to getting married. So id say at first, yes it seemed impossible and pointless to think about. But it worked. :salut: 5 years later, married with a beautiful little daughter.

:salut: i cant honeslty say it your situation would work or not but i can wish you well regardless.
hey niko, which one of you was the bilingual one?

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Post by nikochanr3 » May 24th, '07, 16:54

ruisu wrote:
nikochanr3 wrote:Friendly coffee with japanese girl in tokyo turned into being email friends, to a brief visit, to talking on the phone, to dating, to getting married. So id say at first, yes it seemed impossible and pointless to think about. But it worked. :salut: 5 years later, married with a beautiful little daughter.

:salut: i cant honeslty say it your situation would work or not but i can wish you well regardless.
hey niko, which one of you was the bilingual one?
my wife, although her english was just so-so. she's a thousand times better now. we used to have to speak REALLY...........SLOW.............AND..............DELIBERATE like that to understand each other. it wasn't always easy.
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Post by ruisu » May 24th, '07, 16:58

ahh, i thought for a second you romanced her in japanese...now that would be suave!

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Post by nikochanr3 » May 25th, '07, 16:03

ruisu wrote:ahh, i thought for a second you romanced her in japanese...now that would be suave!
not with my japanese, more like high comedy.
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Post by uchihasasuke45 » May 26th, '07, 17:44

Hey, I can understand how you feel. Although I'm a bit young :P, I might be able to help a bit. My life had been quite a drama with my short term relationship.

First, I bashed my elbow into a girl by accident.. we apologized to each other (mostly me) and we started talking more often. I got to know more about her and talked to her on the phone once in a while. When I found out that she wasn't allowed to go to outside without permission, I was kinda pissed cause I couldn't do anything with her :P

But yeah, she got sad sometimes and I cheered her up and the opposite as well. I ended up having to go to another school due to some personal reasons and so we gave each other letters to remember each other. Of course, I moved on.

So.. yeah.. hope that could help you a bit :P

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Post by spacecommand » May 26th, '07, 18:01

onestly i myself hate the idea of IMPOSSIBLE relationships. coz with love involved everything is POSSIBLE (yes. that's how cheezy and romantic i am)
There are A LOT of ways relationships can be impossible, or rather unrealistic.

Ie. one person likes another person, but that other person doesn't reciprocate the feelings.
Either because they just want to be just friends (which is VERY much possible), they have someone else they are interested in, or they aren't interested in the person at all.

So it is "one way". If one keeps pushing it, it then becomes stalking almost.

I'm not saying thats the case here, I'm just saying there are many reasons why things can be impossible, or rather unrealisitc.

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Post by karin-chan » May 28th, '07, 14:11

how impossibLe is impossibLe?

hmmm... are you taLking bout "what if" the idoL your so inLove with asked you for a date? haha!!

okay, iLL answer the question: it dpends... with who is yr partner and how is yr reLationship going

[dmn.. i want to add some more... nothings on my head!]

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Post by KurosakiKaien » May 30th, '07, 18:31

Hey everyone, thanks for all your replies.

ruisu > Thanks for the support, there have been a numerous times where I have thought about telling her how I feel, as you say, worst comes to worst "it'll put a smile on her face." But the biggest issue I've had with thinking about that is that if she shares any of this feeling she'll be confused, or put in an uncomfortable position... and so.. I don't want her to feel that way. The other thing is that it may just be awkward, we really don't converse that much, although we had spoken regularly online near the end of the semester.. it's been close to nothing recently (though understandbly she is incredibly busy at this time.)

Punkista > You're right... that is.. cheesy... I would have placed myself in that category myself, prior to this past semester. Honestly when it hits you that hard, it's not as if you aren't doing anything, it's that you're getting up too slowly or you're not getting up at all... For me, as I had outlined in some of my previous posts.. I had an issue with approaching her in the first place... and well.. you're right. Not doing anything means not finding an outcome, but sometimes the outcome is not the one you seek, do you still look for that answer then? It's not as black and white as I'd like it to be at times.. as for learning Japanese, I'd be taking credit for something that was unintentional. I've been taking Japanese as a minor (hopefully changing to a major soon), but after I met her, I felt urged to pursue the language further. And make a larger effort so that I could speak with her better.

sasuke > Sorry to hear that, and I'm even more sorry to say that "no..." it doesn't really help. But as alot of people have been saying in this thread so far, you pursued it to the end, and if you're as young as you say,it may not be the end as of yet. I'm not really in the position to give any advice at this time, specifically romantic advice, but I can say that its good to see that you're not a coward like I am. Thanks for your post.

spacecommand > That's what I had meant too, in terms of unrealistic/impossible during the creation of this thread. Want to be the Logic Coordinator of this thread? I think it'd suit you quite nicely ;)

karinchan > I appreciate the vote of confidence, although unfortunately, I don't know her as well as I'd like to..

As for a general update... I'm having lunch with her next week, although... it looks like it'll be one of the last times I see her.. so unfortunately.. I'm not really looking that forward to it... if that makes any sense..

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Post by mimmi » May 30th, '07, 21:07

hmmm....and

KurosakiKaien wrote:
As for a general update... I'm having lunch with her next week, although... it looks like it'll be one of the last times I see her.. so unfortunately.. I'm not really looking that forward to it... if that makes any sense...
yup, sadly I perfectly understand that too....

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Post by DMPA » Jun 1st, '07, 02:12

well...first off i just need to ask this...U'R FROM EDMONTON?!?! COOL!!! THE U OF A!! SWEET!!!! what course u takin?! anyways, now that i'm done....
Actually, (although i'm only a teen) i am in a very depressing possition right now with an impossible relationship. You see, there is this guy that i totally fell in love with head over heels, I met him in my Japanese 10 class, but he was and still is the quiet type of guy....i wish he would of opened up more, but that was last semester, and now, this sememster i'm in japanese 20 and he's not in it, but i do see him every now and then, and whenever i don't see him i always think of where he is, if he's ok and all of those questions that you would think of about the person u love, and to make metters worse, he's graduating this year, so i've got no hope. (I'm telling u my story cuz i need someone to listen to me) and today we watched the movie NANA, but some how it brought my feelings together and i kinda broke down in my Japanese 20 class. *sigh* yes...i started crying out of nowhere. but anyways, now that's i'm done ranting about my crappy life, let me tell u one thing.

NEVER GIVE UP!!! CALL HER OR SOMETHING!!! ecause if you don't work hard, you'll never find happiness. So ur happiness right now is the girl, so i say, go out there and work hard on finding her! even if u just her for her e-mail, it owuld be a huge step in the right direction...hopefully i made sence!
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Post by KurosakiKaien » Jun 1st, '07, 23:44

DMPA wrote:well...first off i just need to ask this...U'R FROM EDMONTON?!?! COOL!!! THE U OF A!! SWEET!!!! what course u takin?! anyways, now that i'm done....
Actually, (although i'm only a teen) i am in a very depressing possition right now with an impossible relationship. You see, there is this guy that i totally fell in love with head over heels, I met him in my Japanese 10 class, but he was and still is the quiet type of guy....i wish he would of opened up more, but that was last semester, and now, this sememster i'm in japanese 20 and he's not in it, but i do see him every now and then, and whenever i don't see him i always think of where he is, if he's ok and all of those questions that you would think of about the person u love, and to make metters worse, he's graduating this year, so i've got no hope. (I'm telling u my story cuz i need someone to listen to me) and today we watched the movie NANA, but some how it brought my feelings together and i kinda broke down in my Japanese 20 class. *sigh* yes...i started crying out of nowhere. but anyways, now that's i'm done ranting about my crappy life, let me tell u one thing.

NEVER GIVE UP!!! CALL HER OR SOMETHING!!! ecause if you don't work hard, you'll never find happiness. So ur happiness right now is the girl, so i say, go out there and work hard on finding her! even if u just her for her e-mail, it owuld be a huge step in the right direction...hopefully i made sence!
Yes I'm from Edmonton, and yes I go to the U of A. As I said in my previous posts I just finished my second year of Japanese study, so that'd be JAPAN 202 which I just finished last semester. Are you planning to go to the U in '09 (judging by your post you won't graduate for another year yet).

As for your situation: although time for you is running out, you still have time. I'd suggest finding as soon as possible, something you have in common, or even just start by talking about things you might have some common ground in. Why do I say such futile things? Because if I'm reading this right, there's a possibility that he'll be going to the University, and if you are as well, believe me, you'll meet again. Although it may be infrequent, that small amount of infrequent communication will be enough (if you make the effort) to get to know him. Get him interested in you, I'm not saying throw yourself at him, but if you two have some shared interests, (which I'll assume taking Japanese wasn't the only thing), it'll be that much easier for him to fall for you. Your time's short, make it count, if I'm not mistaken finals should be coming up soon, go for it -- don't regret it like I did!

As for your last comment, I had said in a previous post that.. unfortunately I don't have her phone number. We do however, talk online infrequently..

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DMPA
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Post by DMPA » Jun 2nd, '07, 03:51

KurosakiKaien wrote: Yes I'm from Edmonton, and yes I go to the U of A. As I said in my previous posts I just finished my second year of Japanese study, so that'd be JAPAN 202 which I just finished last semester. Are you planning to go to the U in '09 (judging by your post you won't graduate for another year yet).

As for your situation: although time for you is running out, you still have time. I'd suggest finding as soon as possible, something you have in common, or even just start by talking about things you might have some common ground in. Why do I say such futile things? Because if I'm reading this right, there's a possibility that he'll be going to the University, and if you are as well, believe me, you'll meet again. Although it may be infrequent, that small amount of infrequent communication will be enough (if you make the effort) to get to know him. Get him interested in you, I'm not saying throw yourself at him, but if you two have some shared interests, (which I'll assume taking Japanese wasn't the only thing), it'll be that much easier for him to fall for you. Your time's short, make it count, if I'm not mistaken finals should be coming up soon, go for it -- don't regret it like I did!

As for your last comment, I had said in a previous post that.. unfortunately I don't have her phone number. We do however, talk online infrequently..
Thank you very much for the advice, but actually...he took Japanese only for credits...which totally sucks. And i would totally go up to him and talk to him...about ANYTHING...but he's always either with his friends in the caf, or is walking to class. So really, i've got no hope, and that's my reason for supporting others in love complications and such. *sigh* also, for me, if i really like the guy, the feelings come out all screwed up...i would try to be nice, but instead i would totally sound like i wish the person was dead. So now all i need is time to get over him i guees, although i liked him the longest out of the few guys that caught my eye. Thanks for ur advice though, i would of used it if i could. =')
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Post by KurosakiKaien » Jun 19th, '07, 07:58

Time's ticking, just thought I'd update everyone with possibly the last update for this story.

The lunch I had previously mentioned with her turned out as a failure of course, because it didn't happen. If I didn't know better, its like someone's willing us apart... But the last meeting will be this weekend. Although its been so long since I've seen her, she still runs through my mind nearly every minute of every day. Whether I'm working, or spending time with friends, I somehow find myself drifting off, wondering if she's doing well, how much fun she's having without me, and if she needs help with anything even though she's too strong to ask for it.

After talking it over with friends, and thinking about it endlessly, I've decided; no matter what outcome lies before me, the next time we meet, I'll confess to her. There are so many variables that cannot be controlled in situations such as this one, and although I feel a negative outcome is imminent, I feel a greater need to tell her how I feel. To me, if I don't tell her, not only would that be an insult to my feelings for her, but it would be an insult to the time (albeit little) that we've spent together. She's made me a better person; before I met her, I had honestly believed it was too hard for me to feel and care for someone, rather than do something out of common courtesy.

I've come to understand that I truly love her, despite all of the circumstances and differences between us. Lastly, I just wanted to thank everyone for listening to my story, and thank you for all your kind and honest responses.

DMPA > As long as you're near him, don't give up, I know that you're out of time as well... find another way, there's always a chance, however small, as long as you believe there is one. Find him on facebook, get to know his friends, find out what school he's going to go to, don't give up, or you'll regret it later.

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Post by DMPA » Jun 20th, '07, 02:22

AAAwwww!! how come you didn't meet up with her that time?!?! Well, hopefully you will meet this time for SURE, and I hope everything goes smothly, even if it doesn't, NEVER GIVE UP! (cuz then u'd feel like a failure, and we here on d-addicts don't like our d-addicts to feel like failures ne!) Either way, i'm glad you decided to tell her how u truly feel. =) *cross your fingers* Good luck at the meeting! Hope it won't be bad.

As for me...well, let's just say it was a hopeless thing to start out with anyways, so I guess this is just the cards I have for now. HAHAHAH! No hearts in my hand yet! well, good luck anyways! hope to hear from you again
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Tremor16
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Post by Tremor16 » Jun 20th, '07, 03:38

Dear Kuro,

After reading your posts, I felt like I wanted to give you a few thoughts based on my own experiences, although you seem to have largely come to the, in my opinion, right decision about what to do. I can only give general advice since I do not know either of you or your situation in detail, but I'll do my best.

I too was in a remarkably similar situation to yours one year ago. I started to like a girl who would be returning to her home country in a few months and was seriously pondering the best course of action. As it stood, I wasn't entirely sure of my own feelings and hated to consider the fact that it would become a long distance relationship so soon after starting. However, I did know that I would be going to her country soon after, although we would be still be separated by considerable distance even then and would be unable to meet often. So in those respects it may be a little different to your situation.

Personally I think that indirect body language and a person's attitude are far more important than the almighty confession. If you had time, I would have suggested you be relaxed, friendly and ask her for her mobile phone number, saying casually with a smile that you would like to take her out sometime. I don't know how you've acted towards her up until now, but in my limited experience it seems very important to do subtle flirting and distinguish yourself from one of her friends very quickly. Then proceed to things like cinema dates and whatnot. If she does not completely dislike you and turn you down, this would be a start and signal your interest to her. Then you could gradually start to flirt a bit more, touch her shoulders and hands when the moment feels right to try and warm things up. If she reciprocates with light touching or doesn't seem repulsed by it, then theoretically things would be moving along the right track.

But you seem to suggest time has all but run out. Realistically how much time do you have? A few weeks might even be enough to try some of the things I mentioned above to see if she responds to you in any way. You must make an effort to act more like a man to wards her and not just as a normal friend inviting her for lunch or something though, this is very important. Perhaps you have been doing this though, I don't know.

Assuming there really is no time, perhaps as you have decided, a blunt confession is the only method left. If so, I think the best thing for you to do is to completely stop thinking about whether she has any feelings for you and stop thinking about the fact that she will be going home soon. I'm not implying you disregard her feelings though, what I mean is do not concern yourself with whether or not it's likely to work out. Just concentrate on communicating your heart to her with no expectations, neither positive expectations nor negative ones. Right now, you are suffering, at least in a sense, and are lovesick because of her, so I believe the thing that matters most now is that you do what is important for yourself and get all the unspoken things off your chest so that you won't regret it later. Doing a confession by email or webcam after you are in different countries is likely to be disastrous and much less likely to have a happy ending.

Though my situation is a little different and I had more time to begin a relationship slowly, it was successful. We only had about 2 months before being separated. I then went to her country and we now meet about twice every 3 months. It’s been very tough at times and many things have happened, but we are still facing the distance together and doing well. I couldn’t say what the future holds for us or for you two, but the one thing I can say with complete abandon is that I don’t regret my decision to take the plunge into a relationship that would become long distance so soon after starting. I feel the same applies to you. Just do as the cliché says: follow your heart.

Best of luck to you!

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Post by KurosakiKaien » Jun 25th, '07, 20:26

Hello again everyone, the dinner was on Saturday. It started out nice enough, I gave her (as well as my friends) the gifts I wanted to give. She seemed quite thrilled with the plush bear I had gotten her. And I told her not to open the other present I gave her until her birthday.

After the dinner, a friend of mine strategically set it up so that I was alone with her, and they went off to shop elsewhere. She had to get some things for her trip back home. When I was with her shopping around for things, it had to have been one of the most memorable memories I've had with her. Initially she was quite resistant, she went to do everything herself, until I literally snatched the basket away from her insisting I do something rather than nothing. At one point she was almost literally scaling the shelves to get things herself..but she opened up afterwards... she asked me of my opinion on some products, pricing, and I was even able to reach up and grab some things for her. As lame as it sounds, I really enjoyed just being close to her.

Afterwards, we all went for Bubble Tea, we took a photo or two, and chatted about various things. She was alot more talkative I thought.. than previous meetings with her.. there would be times she'd ask me what someone said, or what the English term was for such and such, she never did that before... never. When we all parted ways, my other friend who had driven the two of us to the "Tea Shop" also gave us rides home. When we drove back to the campus, he waited for me outside as I walked her inside the building.

At that moment I confessed how I felt about her. I first asked her if I could tell her something before she went home, she told me "Please do," I told her things about my lack of focus before meeting her, how I could always laugh whether I was sad or angry after hearing her words, and that time with her has truly been fun.

Of course this is where it all unravels, although I had told her she didn't need to say anything, that we have no time left, but I wanted to let her know, after some odd pauses, she finally said to me "Thanks but, I have a boyfriend.." in English nonetheless... Now I know that statement completely contradicts nearly everything that has been said throughout this thread, but.. what she said she said, and I can't change that. And whether or not I believe what she said now to be an excuse to get out of an uncomfortable situation, to let me off easy, or if it's simply the truth, lets just say it hit me quite hard at the moment.

When I look back, there were a few things I still wanted to say to her, but at that exact time... the words wouldn't come to me. And... I essentially collapsed there, barely standing still. Now I can't say I didn't expect such a response... however negative it sounds.. Although, she was kind enough to tell me "I had fun with together, as friends. But we can meet again in Japan right?" That was something I wasn't expecting. Afterwards, my friend drove me home and that was the last time I've spoken to her.

Now my good friend has cleared things up for me (the one who drove us home). There were a number of negative thoughts running through my head at the time:
1) She has no feelings for me whatsoever
2) She thinks I'm just trying to sleep with her
3) Its just too soon for her.
4) She didn't want to get involved with anyone when she knows she's going home shortly.

My friend has ruled out #2 for me, but sadly I still think #1 is quite legitimate. My friend also says that she offered me friendship, which is better than nothing.. and although I don't want to sound selfish, I can't help but believe that I can't be friends with her. Not with these feelings I have for her... as those of you who have gone through a similar type of situation will know, those feelings don't just disappear..

I'm sure there are a few other things I'm leaving out, unfortunately I've ran through this moment so many times in my head I've lost count. She's leaving in a week, I'm tempted to and will probably call her one last time before she leaves, but other than wishing her a safe trip, and asking how her last week has been, I'm not sure what else can be said. A few of my friends have said outright, that "she knows how [you] feel, its up to her now." While I understand the rationality of that statement, it's almost like giving up to me... simply because I think #1 has such a strong bearing in this situation..

I'll see her once (hopefully more, but most likely once) more when I go to Japan in September. Although, that time will be the last I see of her I'm sure, I most likely can't bring up any of what has transpired over this past weekend. Simply because it seems to me its more once sided than even I previously assumed. I guess this is the end of this story.

Thanks for listening and thanks for all your advice. I may appear again periodically... though.. I'm not sure what else can be said at this time.

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Post by Sayumi » Jun 25th, '07, 20:33

this is starting to sound like densha otoko, hehe srry^-^

akiramenai yo!!!! zettttai ni! <- guess you can understand that? :P

you'll regret it if you give up:) for sure
be a real man ;)

oh, and about the 1) 2) 3) etc -thingie, try to find an answer for it alright

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Post by DMPA » Jun 25th, '07, 20:56

Wow...That kinda sucks...But then again, we don't live in one of those dramas where evertyhing turns out perfectly great. I think, just a personal thought, that the reason she came here, the coinsidence of her meeting you and of you loving her secretly untill the last second is a lesson to be learnt and a friendship to never be forgotten. What you should do dear Edmontonion brother, is think of it in a positive way. Think of what she gave you. She gave you the chance to be in love, she gave you the experience of secret love, she gave you the feeling of rejection, and she also offered you friendship, now that's a huge thing to give if i say so myself. If she didn't show up, and didn't reject you, a life lesson would have not been learnt. So I dunno...Maybe think of it that way, because if you're going to go on with the whole 'she doesn't like me' thing, you'll feel misserable, and we don't want that! So think of it in the best way possible. Think of it as a preperation for the real world ne! Well, that's my two cents, so don't give up! Keep on looking at your own grass, instead of your neighbors, and it will seem much greener ne! Gambare! NEVER GIVE UP!!! =D
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chiquita
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Post by chiquita » Jun 25th, '07, 21:19

Had a crush on my cousin
does that count?

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TRaven
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Post by TRaven » Jun 25th, '07, 21:25

chiquita wrote:Had a crush on my cousin
does that count?
from the south are ya? haha, j/p :P
Beatus vir qui suffert tentationem.

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Post by albertoavena » Jun 25th, '07, 23:26

It seems I haven't been to this thread in a while because I missed a lot..

After reading your most recent post, KurosakiKaien, I don't know what to think. It really made me feel sad and it got to me on how your situation unfolded. Sorry to hear that man. Like someone said, it's doesn't end in a happy ending like a drama...although we sure wish it would. My advice to you is keep studying Japanese and work hard and try to keep in contact with her once in a while. Also, It is nice to know you can still be friends with her and she didn't completely shut you out. At least you'll be able to see her when you go to Japan so that's something to look forward too. Staying friends is better that nothing I suppose..

Honestly, i don't know what to say to this point. Your story seems pretty clear and you seem to have gotten the message you didn't really want to hear. It's still bummer though.. :-(

Hope you get back up. I liked what DMPA about everything she offered you and how you gotta keep positive. You learned a great lesson in love that you will never forget. At least you'll always have those shopping moments... :-)
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