Asian DramaWiki Forum

well, since we have the "how to approach a girl?" topic, I might as well ask how to approach a guy....A SHY QUIET kind of guy, who's kinda lonely... GIVE ME ALL advices that you have people!! all of em! lol

Well all i can say from experience is try to be his friend first especially if he's shy. Wait for an open setting and casually ask a question pertaining to the topic. EX. if you know the person from school then it would just be easy to strike up a conversation about the teacher or the subject. If its at work... well try to organize a group lunch suggest it for some random occasion and then make sure everyone is invited, personally inviting everyone would allow you a chance to talk to him without it getting uncomfortable.

Hope everything works out!

i'd say. approach them straight on. not when he is around his friends. catch him when he is alone. and talk to him. the key is to train the shy ones on how to express their emotions

me... i used to be a shy guy... but if u go to them directly ur gonna freak the hell outta them, i'd say talk a little about something and the next day a little bit of something else to ease into making it more comfortable to talk... otherwise if u run up to the guy and ask "WHAT'S UR NAME?"... that my friend, is not going to work... so patience and perseverance is the key

Hahhaha That's funny, h4x0r.

Good strategy, FlameWolf2.

DMPA wrote: well, since we have the "how to approach a girl?" topic, I might as well ask how to approach a guy....A SHY QUIET kind of guy, who's kinda lonely... GIVE ME ALL advices that you have people!! all of em! lol

Go up to him, grab him by the nuts and say "Hi! How are you?"

walk up to him, smile at him, walk around him and pinch him hard on his tush then walk away

Well i was and still am (less than before though) this kind of guy.
I don't know for others but if a girl comes and talk to me I won't run away, I'll be happy about it. I'll somehow feel good cause that means someone can find me interesting.
I think what you should do is go and then ask him "do you mind if I ask you your name and email...?"

I would first try to understand him and talk to him so we can become friends and someone he can trust

Ban this Yamcha troll. I am sure Yamcha isn't even a girl but a guy.

Since he's a shy type of guy, I'd say to approach with a good, friendly smile. Shy guys aren't the type to make the first move, so it's up to us girls to be more assertive, right? Plus, I'm sure they'd appreciate you more so for doing that. the first step is to make him feel comfortable and that will take time, so don't get impatient if he's like kinda cold. Just keep talking and crack jokes, and be friendly! I

Everyone seems to be on the right track, I think. Well, except for Yamcha. Although, I would have less of a problem with that now than when I was in high school.

The direct approach is definitely out. He might think you're teasing him or being otherwise insincere if you just approach him head on. Let him know you're an okay person first...

If a girl wink and smile at me i'll melt or if that doesn't work strike up casual conversation like "how's the weather", "boy is it hot/cold today", or "did you see the (insert manly sports team here) play". if that doesn't work then go the tush pinch. jk ;)

booniez wrote:Everyone seems to be on the right track, I think. Well, except for Yamcha. Although, I would have less of a problem with that now than when I was in high school.

The direct approach is definitely out. He might think you're teasing him or being otherwise insincere if you just approach him head on. Let him know you're an okay person first...

I disagree. The direct and honest approach is the best. If he can't handle it then he isn't ready to be with anyone. A girl might be not respond well to a direct approach but a guy should be able to step up to the plate. That's the whole point of being a guy.

BTW, make sure the guy isn't gay.

it doesnt work that way. the point is that shy guys are scared. even if they are approached in a friendly manner. in every relationship theres someone that takes charge. if you're not the shy one, then you take charge.

I understand your point but still, a guy need to get passed that. There are some basic things that a man has to be able to do in order to be in harmony with his sex. If you want to go places then you have to get past your fear of driving. You have no choice.

Let's say a short, fat and ugly guy get apporached my the best looking girls in school. In that case he would have a reason to be quiet since it doesn't make sense but if a homely girl approaches him then he should be able to summon up enough courage to talk to her. Doesn't that sound right?

ok, seriously I don't know how to approach a guy for a serious relationship....I only approached a guy if I just want him to be an acquaintance....for a serious relationship, I let the guys did the chasing....don't pay attention to my first previous post, that's only if you're already in a relationship and you want his attention for a momment ....so now I'm gonna ask, "how do you guys want to be approach by the opposite sex, and what do you guys really, really want from a relationship beside the usual?"....help, give some pointers to the gals here ....

Throw him onto the floor and whip him into submission.

Hmm, depends on the type of shy really. The type of shy that wants to be outgoing or the type of shy that has come to the point that he is fine with being shy. Hmm on second thought they are roughly the same...

Ahh I have now erased two paragraphs due to them not being worthwhile on second thought. A shy person is probably best to approach in a few steps as people has been saying. They likely have a low self-esteem and would see most direct approaches as some sort of practical joke about to be sprung. If you pull of the approach well or the person is desperate that wouldn't stop them though, but due to asking I can assume you can't pull it off well. So basically you have to make the person know you are serious in some way that suits you and then see how things go from there.

Sometimes I talk to shy guys, not that I have a second interest or anything, but just talking, see what they have to say. So, while some begin to talk more, others just stick with the same quiet attitude.. Then Im not sure if they have a low self-esteem or if they really dont care..

Perhaps its me, but with some guys Im the one doing all the conversation, they like, smile back and answer politely... and thats when I think "Haha, ok, will be going now.. no more bothering you.." Feeling that I just said dumb things and made a fool out of myself could be a great feeling but wont approach again anytime soon..

Anyway, even if he is a shy guy, Im expecting a normal reaction to an approach.. otherwise he is just arrogant.. Sorry if this is off topic, but thought people should be aware that just talking wont do the trick... Or it depends on the girl talking, could be that

Sometimes I talk to shy guys, not that I have a second interest or anything, but just talking, see what they have to say. So, while some begin to talk more, others just stick with the same quiet attitude.. Then Im not sure if they have a low self-esteem or if they really dont care..

Perhaps its me, but with some guys Im the one doing all the conversation, they like, smile back and answer politely... and thats when I think "Haha, ok, will be going now.. no more bothering you.." Feeling that I just said dumb things and made a fool out of myself could be a great feeling but wont approach again anytime soon..

Anyway, even if he is a shy guy, Im expecting a normal reaction to an approach.. otherwise he is just arrogant.. Sorry if this is off topic, but thought people should be aware that just talking wont do the trick... Or it depends on the girl talking, could be that

Your have one perspective, yes.
I give you another perepactive. I have experienced that the guy isn't shy but he just takes time to get use to or really try to find the common interest with the gal through multiple (more than 5-6) conversation (probably the gal is the one who is talking a lot). Once he found that (the frequency...?), he is the one who talks most of the time.

People have different ways of making friends. Some people are friendly and quickly chat with someone that only have 1-2 conversations. Some poeple tend to be "cautious" (not sure if it's the right word), they observe first and after 5-6 conversation, then they decide if they should open up. Some people just not interested. Some people have alot in their mind and most of the time figuring their problems in mind and can't focus while having conversation...

Are there any ways of look at this case (shy guys) ?

Id say take it easy. Make him notice that you are interested in him, then he'll get more guts and feel like "the king of Ikebukuro"

@ cub: and beg you for mercy ....

yamcha wrote:

DMPA wrote::wub: well, since we have the "how to approach a girl?" topic, I might as well ask how to approach a guy....A SHY QUIET kind of guy, who's kinda lonely... GIVE ME ALL advices that you have people!! all of em! lol :mrgreen:

Go up to him, grab him by the nuts and say "Hi! How are you?"

O_O

it seems that everyone's saying 'make him notice you' but how do you even do that?!?! I'm a hyper kind of person, but when it comes to guys, my womanly pride gets the better of me, and I use a very nasty tone! Not on purpose though! It just kind of comes out...Which sucks, cuz i once tried to talk to 'him' 9the shy guy) but instead of my plan going to me saying 'how'd you do on your test?' nice and sweet, it turned into this very MEAN and HATING voice! and i duno what to do no more!! ='( But tnx to all of u guys that give pointers and i can't wait to read more of em!!!

Maya911

Ask a lot of questions...we usually catch on.

just go up to him and say "hi" or something.
and start a conversation.

I blab a lot on the internet, but in reality i am painfully shy... not as bad as when i was younger though. Don't let apparent shyness fool you into thinking you can assume things about a persons personality though, because once you get to know "shy" people you just might find out how wild and crazy they actually are, usually more so than so called "extroverts".

Anyway, i would suggest taking things a bit slow... maybe introduce yourself in a decent manner, witty, casual, whatever works best for you and makes you most comfortable. Then find out interests you both may have in common to get him talking, if this guy is anything like myself, once you get him talking you might regret it, because then he'll never shut up after that until he's embarrassed himself somehow.

A little story about a girl that came on to me at work a while back (ok two years ago), this girl got a job where i work doing display management. When she first came in to an interview for the job i thought she looked rather cute and after she got the job, the first thing she did was flirt with me rather aggressively lol, she waited until we were alone in this soundproof room (for recording etc...) then she grabbed me by the elbow and sat me down and started asking all kinds of personal questions, really personal questions... she was like a professional flirt!!! "are you single?", ..."have you ever been married?", "do you have any kids?" on and on.

Well for a shy person that was a rather overwhelming introduction i thought, so we progressed very slowly after that, she was a DJ so i started going to her shows and she had a habit of wearing string bikinis for her shows, she was always almost naked and it kind of bothered me to have other guys gawking at her that way all the time. We dated for about a year, she wanted to get married and settle down... i wasn't ready, but now i kind of regret that, but that's another story.

the moral to the story, i don't know why i posted anything to do with this?

hm... what if u don't know wat to talk?... I can't think of any topics that r funny to talk to since ppl don't know much 'bout each others.
I remember the last time i talked to the 1 I liked- it was awkward!!!! We didn't know much about each other but we knew each other and he knew that I liked him since 2ndary school - like 5 years? I tried to think of smt to talk to and ended up talking about Lion King !!! then Aladin n Hikaru No Go then classical musics + martial arts .... Talking really freaks me out !
2nd time talking, I took all my courage to tell him that I liked him. Well by chatting since I couldn't talk properly --> ended up : ''I don't like u anymore''
SuckS!!!! Talking/ Communicating is really troublesome!!!! '' How to approach a shy guy?'' <-- stick with your drama or study, don't bother thinking of it. It is much more difficult than solving Maths or Chemistry, i suppose

yamcha wrote:Go up to him, grab him by the nuts and say "Hi! How are you?"

Hell, it's midnight, everyone's asleep, and you just made me laugh out loud. I should stop picturing such things. Lol.

mimmi's suggestion wasn't bad either:

mimmi wrote:walk up to him, smile at him, walk around him and pinch him hard on his tush then walk away

Speaking as a guy, I have to say there is no one way to approach a guy.

some like aggressive women, others don't. some like funny women, talkative women. Others like quiet listeners.

If you have a specific kind of guy in mind, then lets talk. Otherwise, it is too broad a topic. (no pun intended)

Onigiriman:It's a very quiet time of guy...kinda alone and very very very quiet. does that narrow it down abit?

yamcha wrote:
Go up to him, grab him by the nuts and say "Hi! How are you?"

It more like "hi! lets go for a test drive" i promise you that will drive us crazy :p

If your target is a shy and quiet guy, it might be wise to get his cellphone number first. Send messages to him everyday (and meet once in a while) and get him to share his thoughts with you. Most shy people are fine with such exchanges so you can slowly build up your relationship from there. This can also help avoid embarrassing moments when both of you have no topic to talk about or him being too shy, making you the only one who's talking. The most important thing is to let him feel comfortable with you.

i need some info/opinion from the guys on this thread.....if a girl that you met briefly at a party suddenly out of the blue emails you (you did not give it to her but she found it from a mutual friend) would that freak you out? is that too agressive? any suggestions on what i should say in the email that would let him know i'm interested? help!!

lmao!!1 my friend did the same thing! i swear! she's like the best spy/stocker alive! lol. althought it wasn't at a party, but she found out pretty much EVERYTHIG about him...I think that u should just keep on talking...Although it seems awkward to have someone else's contact info without them knowing it, it's life.U need to realize that those kind of opportunities r not givesn, but taken only by those who r determined to be with the person they 'stock/spy/look at more then others'

ooh i love this thread. i need some advice too.

so i went to this club, and this really cute guy came up to me to dance. at first he went behind me, and usually guys grind you know? but he didn't . he was honestly like a foot away from me the whole time. well my friend thought i didn't want to dance with him, so she pulled me away. and i was like NO!!!!! but it happened, so i was like oh well. well about 3 minutes passed, and i turned around, and he was still there. i was like, you're still here? it looked like he wasn't sure of what to do. but when he saw me turn around, he decided to dance with me again, but this time from the front. so we danced for like 4 more songs together, and the whole time he was asking me questions about myself. like my name, what school i go to, my major, what year i was, etc... usually i don't tell people this stuff, but he was super cute, and he's also a college student, so i didnt think he would be some crazy. well the whole point of this story, is that he was a really nice guy, and he left a really good impression on me.

well the next day, he gave me a call and asked me to go to a frat party, which was going to be at my schoool. i forgot to add, i gave him my number. i told him i would meet him there, and so when i got there, he was playing basketball. weird huh? at a frat, and playing basketball? but yeah, it was kind of awkward, since he was playing. and im not much of a frat person, so i felt kind of awkward there. i saw my floor mates there, who were butt drunk, so i kind of just wanted to leave. after 15 minutes i just left. since then, i haven't heard from him. i still have his number, but should i call him? i know its my fault, for not sticking around, but i hate awkwardness. dangit, i wish i tried harder to talk to him at the frat. but what should i do?

@isuzu: I think u SHOULD call him and say that ur sorry about the other time at 'frat' was it?and say the REASON for ur leaving, and just have a nice/awkward conversation, because u kno, no1's perfect =D (sadly i'm 15, but i can give better advices then older people cuz i'm an open person.)

OMG....i am totally not a stalker....even though some of my friends want me to stalk this guy i absolutely refuse!! the only reason i have his email is because one of my other friends is a friend of a friend of his and she really thinks that i should try and pursue something so she got it for me....but i don't want to seem like a stalker hence i haven't done anything yet!!

what should i do? i'd really like to see him again or even just start chatting over email as friends but i don't want to freak him out.

lmao! im not allin u a stolker, i'm callin that my friend! lol! I really think u should get over ur fear and give it a shot. w/e will happen will happen for the better or the worse give it all u've got. TALK! some people never get to tell how they feel, but i think people who still can should do it ASAP

DMPA, do you have any suggestions as to what i should say in my email?

yamcha wrote:I disagree. The direct and honest approach is the best. If he can't handle it then he isn't ready to be with anyone. A girl might be not respond well to a direct approach but a guy should be able to step up to the plate. That's the whole point of being a guy.

I could go on and on about what the idea of "being a guy" is, but I guess we can say that kind of thing about guys. I'd be skewered if I tried to so neatly box up the idea of "being a girl" is about.

That aside, I can't disagree with the message in Yamcha's last post more. The direct approach is not always honest and to crudely brush aside any guy "who can't handle that" clearly points out that the guy isn't so much unready to be with "anyone" so much as he is not ready to be with you -- if that really is how you approach guys. I doubt very much that Yamcha would judge shy girls that way.

hm...yes and no...I think u should start by :Hi, this is (ur name) we met at the party. haven't seen u in a while. and then just think of something as u go on...even if it takes u an hour to think of something to say, u should still e-mail him no matter what! hm...what else can u say...well...how long ago was the party?

the party was last weekend.

yah, then just ask how's everything going, and say if u wunna chat, email me back kinda thing

thanks for your help and encouragment DMPA

i'll give it a try.....wish me luck

GOOD LUCK!!

DMPA is giving everyone advice

Wish u good luck as well, krazyem, go for it!!

lol! yup! atleast i try...=D
Love solving love/life 'problems' of others! so exciting!

How to approach a guy?....hmm, valentine's day, that's easy; go give him a piece of chocolate candy with a piece of note that say's "you make my heart sings" or whatever ....

you guys are going too "deep" with your advise. lol . remember guys dont think with their brains, they think with their ****. (body part thats lower then the navel). shy, quiet, loud what ever, all guys are the same.

Just approach him and talk to him. easy nuff.

DMPA wrote:lol! yup! atleast i try...=D
Love solving love/life 'problems' of others! so exciting!

Eh I cant do that since I hav no experience whatsoever lol

if all of the members advice don't work, just through magical spell at him, it may work.

outcast wrote:if all of the members advice don't work, just through magical spell at him, it may work.

hehe, u seem to be in love yourself the magical spell must have had some effect

=O a magical spell!!! GREAT IDEA!!! Now all i need to do is to learn how to do magic tricks!

Well it's the weekend....how about offer to buy him a drink? ....

hehe...i always fall 4 shy n quite guy...
2 me they look cute n attractive dat way... ^^ <3

shy, quiet, kinda lonely.... that sounds alot like me (most of the time anyways)

I'd try somethin like, just kinda talking a little at a time starting out, dont just go crazy with conversations lol, just start with small conversations and work your way up, and just be his friend

What if you just want to be friends with a mysterious boy? How would you approach him then, hmm?

Wow!! I actually opened a toppic!!!!!!!!!! EXCITING!!!!

Just be friendly and smile alot, if she/he rejects you when you're friendly, then he/she got issues that's not about you.

Just remember 2 things I think about a shy/quiet/lonely guy:

First, if he is at all interested in meeting a girl (like you or another) he will in his own way be "out there" trying to get noticed or get the courage/opportunity to talk to a girl. This means he is approachable or maybe he would approach you if you can stack things in his favour slightly.

And second, he has a life, interests, ambitions etc. so if you can at all talk about these things he will likely be more confident to answer since these are his elements. Just don't press too hard and maybe if you want to be really nice you can try and keep your questions simple so he can answer as short or long as he feels comfortable with.

Some of those shy guys are just shy around girls. I mean, this semester I had a subject that was to learn how to deal with other people, in order to make successful negotiations in our future jobs, and in one of the exercises that we did @ class was to write in a piece of paper what each of us had more trouble dealing with in a dialogue. I was beyond amazed with the amount of boys that said they had a tough time starting a conversation with someone of the opposite sex (and I go to a college that is mainly populated by boys ). I would have never noticed this because I'm always so at ease with talking with everyone, and a considerable portion of them are shy around other people in general. All I did was to be nice with them, and like methos8 said, talk about common interests, which included videogames (that's like, half-way through "breaking the ice")

interesting facts...

Just talk to me, I'll talk with you =)

What makes me difficult to having relationship with people is just a language barrier.

I'm not a native english, and worse verbally, so that's the problem I'm dealing with now, but I'm getting better in "speaking in english" =)

So you can call me a "shy" guy maybe.
And me myself, I feel convenient if you're asking my IM instead of my cellphone number.

I never knew girls had problems approaching guys - it's usually the other way around. I don't even know why it's even an issue! Seriously, guys will always be very receptive towards any female who approaches him, unless he's a complete dickhead, which of course, eliminates most of the male population

So yeah, assuming he already knows who you are,.why not just go up to him and ask him how's he doing? You know, the usual "how's school/work/life" chit chat, and if he's a decent guy he'll carry on the conversation. Just be wary of cheesy pickup lines

kobe23 wrote:I never knew girls had problems approaching guys - it's usually the other way around.

Ehhh??? I thought it's the other way round as in girls have problems approaching guys. Or am I just weird?

accisse wrote:

kobe23 wrote:I never knew girls had problems approaching guys - it's usually the other way around.

Ehhh??? I thought it's the other way round as in girls have problems approaching guys. Or am I just weird?

huh? I seriously thought it was a guy issue, well thats crazy hahaha. Well iI think its all about confidence, me and a buddy of mine went around our college campus, and its about eye contact, and a great smile. CONFIDENCE is key, it doesnt matter if your some freak, as long as you show a great smile. So for our little experiment thing, we just walked around campus, smiling at random girls, and looking them straight in the eyes, I would have to say around 50% actually looked back and smiled, others just flat out ignored our gestures, and about 10% of that 50% we were able to actually get there numbers. Well that was sorta not relevant, but all I have to say is just, I dunno, people like a really clean look, so if your a dude(shave, unless you want that rugged look), put on a nice collar shirt, and I hate to sound gay, but some decent jeans, and its all good! It doesnt matter if your fat, too skinny, that doesnt matter at all, a clean look, with confidence is KEY. Don't look down at the ground as you approach the person, just keep your eyes on the prize, hahaha. Well if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

yamcha wrote: I disagree. The direct and honest approach is the best. If he can't handle it then he isn't ready to be with anyone. A girl might be not respond well to a direct approach but a guy should be able to step up to the plate. That's the whole point of being a guy.

Should we pick up the cheque too since we're men? or open doors for women?(Aside to show a nice gesture). Stop the stereotypes! A girl should be able to step up to the plate too!

What makes you think that a girl might not respond well to a direct approach and expect a guy to be able to handle it? There are different norms in different societies, stop being blind to that fact and get over these prejudices.

accisse wrote:

kobe23 wrote:I never knew girls had problems approaching guys - it's usually the other way around.

Ehhh??? I thought it's the other way round as in girls have problems approaching guys. Or am I just weird?

Maybe I've been around too many shy guys who are afraid of approaching girls, and the ones that are not shy usually go about it totally the wrong way.

I don't think girls really have problems approaching guys - the issue is whether they want to or not. Most girls just choose not to.