Interracial dating... your views?

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para~white
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Interracial dating... your views?

Post by para~white » Jan 19th, '06, 03:45

I was just wondering what you think about interracial dating?

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Post by aNToK » Jan 19th, '06, 12:23

I think interracial dating often produces very gorgeous kids.
I am not obsessed. I am just very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very focussed...

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Re: Interracial dating... your views?

Post by TIticamara » Jan 19th, '06, 12:25

para~white wrote:I was just wondering what you think about interracial dating?

Like an Australian male with a muslim female? :wub:

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Re: Interracial dating... your views?

Post by Wolfsbane68 » Jan 19th, '06, 12:31

TIticamara wrote:
para~white wrote:I was just wondering what you think about interracial dating?

Like an Australian male with a muslim female? :wub:
"Australian" and "Muslim" are races? Since when?

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Post by bugsie » Jan 19th, '06, 12:31

interracial dating is not an issue unless you are a racist.
aNToK wrote:I think interracial dating often produces very gorgeous kids.
speaking of kids, i haven't seen a black & yellow combination. and i wonder what they look like.
Confused? Go FAQ yourself!








Last edited by bugsie on Thu Jun 18, 2006 12:00 am; edited 998 times in total

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Post by akira_shock » Jan 19th, '06, 12:47

bugsie wrote:
aNToK wrote:I think interracial dating often produces very gorgeous kids.
speaking of kids, i haven't seen a black & yellow combination. and i wonder what they look like.
my friend is half black half japanese but she might get mad at me if i put her picture here..

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Post by azra » Jan 19th, '06, 12:48

Well, I myself is a product of interracial marriage......so i'm not against it.......N if lets say 1 day my children wanna get married or date someone from diff race, i will xcept it......Anyway......---> Mix DNA = Strong DNA....he he he :mrgreen:
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Post by Rupugus » Jan 19th, '06, 12:51

There is scientific proof that interracial kids are on average better looking, more accepting of other cultures and genetically stronger.

We should all keep mixing and mixing until we're all the same color.

Love is colorblind.
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Post by alvy » Jan 19th, '06, 13:00

My view?

I would love to. :D
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Post by expo1970 » Jan 19th, '06, 13:07

you aren't a racist just by being against interracial mixing, that's a very ridiculous point of view. there are lots of logical, reasonable reasons for being against such a thing.

and i'm sure this was said purely as a joke, but, it would be terrible if everyone mixed until they were "all the same color." that would be the complete annhiliation of diversity in the world and would be a very saddening thing.

this is a very sensitive and complicated issue and shouldn't be just quickly answered and dismissed. and no one should ever say that one view is "racist" or completely wrong as being against and for interracial relations are both equally legitimate.
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Post by bugsie » Jan 19th, '06, 13:20

expo1970 wrote:you aren't a racist just by being against interracial mixing, that's a very ridiculous point of view. there are lots of logical, reasonable reasons for being against such a thing.
have any logical reasons you are talking about? come on, make us understand, vagueness isn't helping your point.
Confused? Go FAQ yourself!








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Post by Sammystic » Jan 19th, '06, 13:55

I'm a product of interracial marriage too and I don't really see any reasonable reasons why one should be against it nowadays.
Also I don't think you can control who you fall in love with.
bugsie wrote:interracial dating is not an issue unless you are a racist.
aNToK wrote:I think interracial dating often produces very gorgeous kids.
speaking of kids, i haven't seen a black & yellow combination. and i wonder what they look like.
Here's a hot picture of Tyson Beckford (his father is Jamaican and his mother is Chinese/American): Image

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Post by bugsie » Jan 19th, '06, 17:17

as far as i know, hitler didn't date any japanese.
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Post by psycherub » Jan 19th, '06, 17:34

Sammystic wrote:I'm a product of interracial marriage too and I don't really see any reasonable reasons why one should be against it nowadays.
Also I don't think you can control who you fall in love with.
bugsie wrote:interracial dating is not an issue unless you are a racist.
aNToK wrote:I think interracial dating often produces very gorgeous kids.
speaking of kids, i haven't seen a black & yellow combination. and i wonder what they look like.
Here's a hot picture of Tyson Beckford (his father is Jamaican and his mother is Chinese/American): Image
what a hottie! :wub:
i think that color or race shouldn't matter. what matters most is the character, personality, morals of a person - the more intangible stuff. "what is essential is invisible to the eye. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly." right? :)

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Post by Rupugus » Jan 19th, '06, 18:56

expo1970 wrote:you aren't a racist just by being against interracial mixing, that's a very ridiculous point of view. there are lots of logical, reasonable reasons for being against such a thing.
perhaps I'm not understanding you, or perhaps I'm ignorant, either way please elaborate, or give one of these logical reasons. being against interratial mixing; that is, opposing relationships of 2 people of different skin colors only because of their skin color, is descrimination of towards those people based on their race.
Dictionary.com wrote:rac·ism
n.

1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race.
It may not be racist to you, but it sounds suspiciously close to that definition to me.
para~white wrote:If we are talking about racist as one that looks down apon certain people because they may not be of a particular desired race - then i think you are wrong.
Some people believe that we should keep blood pure to keep the culture pure - I dont classify them as putting any race down, they just want to keep it pure.
here's a note on Racial Purity, and some neat information on why mixing is good.

regardless of what choices you make with your own relationships, no one has the right to tell you who to date (or love, marry, have fun with, etc....) or who not to date. ESPECIALLY not if the only reason they have to oppose a relationship is race.

para~white wrote:You could say I am not for or against interracial relationships at all.. I just think there is no difference between White – White. White – Yellow. Yellow – Black. Black – White.
let's not forget the Brown (hispanic) and Red (native american), and the millions of other imaginary colors and labels we have placed on people
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Post by Souriance » Jan 19th, '06, 19:07

Well, I'm with a korean girl, so I think it's a great thing :)

In fact, no matter where she comes from, if we're getting along well.

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Post by CraZyaH » Jan 19th, '06, 23:51

well I'm not sure about other countries and races,but as an Arab,it's hard to even think about dating a non-Arab,let alone the colour,even tho Arabs don't care much about colours because we don't have a specific colour (expect for black arabs,they are not real arabs but considered as arabs but when it comes to marriage they are treated as non arabs),so it's like impossible for an arabian girl to date an asian or someone from any other race,that's just unacceptable in our sociaty..
however,we do have a few men who have had some asian,white,black wives..and I guess that's only a bit easy for guys,not girls..

anyway I'm with interracial dating,I just don't think it would be something I could do any day...
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Post by whisperss_57 » Jan 20th, '06, 00:00

i dont have anything against interracial dating in fact half of my friends are mixed, however for some reason i know that when i am older and asian guy would be my preferred choice...

p.s
i wonder if anyone is labeld green or ... pink.. anyone know??? or am i just randomly saying colours..
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Post by Mythrel » Jan 20th, '06, 18:32

I don't see why this should even be an issue in todays society. It seems to be an issue with couples parents or grandparents. I know I don't judge race when I approach women. There are people who can't even speak the same language to each other and they can fall in love. Look at the real story behind poccohauntis (if only I could spell). My boss fell inlove with a Romanian and he is Iranian and they couldn't speak to each other. He used to have his friend come over and translate, but hes crazy.
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Post by milleu87 » Jan 20th, '06, 18:49

i don't think it's a problem.in fact it is fun. for example my mom is chinese-malay and my dad is indian-malay. it's really fun when we're watching movie without a subtitle because then my mom or my dad can translate it. and you can celebrate almost everything. my mom and dad doesn't think it's a problem if you're dating someone that is not malay,chinese or indian.

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Post by ConfinedChild » Jan 20th, '06, 18:51

I forgot who said this, but the person who said that people are afraid of interracial relationships because people are afraid their race won't be "pure" anymore, made a good point. I'm not saying that it's absolutely reasonable, but it's not a ridiculous example. I'm sure that's why a lot of parents and grandparents frown upon interracial marriages and such. It's great that we fall in love regardless of race, but at the same time people just have this fear that their culture may eventually die out. I think I'm just repeating what other people have said...

For me, my high school was so diverse that interracial dating happened all over the place. Not sure if any got married later on or anything, but really, no one gave a hoot who dated who. ^_^ And that was just dandy.

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Post by sook » Jan 20th, '06, 19:12

i don't have anything against interracial dating - but i do see the possible difficulties that may arise from say..interracial marriage.
i'm chinese and if i were to date a white guy - he probably won't share the same cultural values as me. we don't have the same traditions. so in that sense, it's just culturally easier to date a guy who understands why i celebrate cny or eat mooncake or stuff like that.

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Post by Maddie87 » Jan 20th, '06, 20:29

I/m a black girl and i think it shouldn't be a matter to mix up with other race but the reality is that most people don't like or don't want to show that they are attracted in other races because they are afraid of the judgement of their friends or their parents and some others are just racist.

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Post by cerberus » Jan 20th, '06, 21:57

Rupugus wrote:We should all keep mixing and mixing until we're all the same color.
I'm all for interracial relationships, and I don't think cultural differences should have a great impact on a relationship. As for mixing until we're all the same colour; its a nice idea to eliminate all racism in the world by transforming into one super race that shares similar genetics, but then human kind would run the risk of suddenly being wiped out by a highly evolved virus, like ebola. Genetic diversity ensures thatn humans as a species will always be able to deal with any situation.

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Post by techie » Jan 20th, '06, 22:06

Anti-interacial dating is a sociological phenomena,
the medical fact brought up by cerberus is not to be seen as a weekness,
but there is no so elaborate scheme behind racism, and I'm all for it.
(Not racism that is... hmm this sounded odd :crazy: )

(If I said something else with my affinity to turn my head after some ladies, I'd be a hypocrit,
besides my personal experience "dating map" has taught me the values of interracial dating,
even if some parents are the worst to deal with at times.)
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Post by Rupugus » Jan 20th, '06, 22:40

ConfinedChild wrote:I forgot who said this, but the person who said that people are afraid of interracial relationships because people are afraid their race won't be "pure" anymore, made a good point. I'm not saying that it's absolutely reasonable, but it's not a ridiculous example. I'm sure that's why a lot of parents and grandparents frown upon interracial marriages and such. It's great that we fall in love regardless of race, but at the same time people just have this fear that their culture may eventually die out. I think I'm just repeating what other people have said...
see, this is exactly what I don't get. How is being afraid that a "race" won't be "pure" reasonable? I can't seem to understand that at all. there's no such thing as a "pure" race. heck, if you want to get technical, the only real race that exists is the HUMAN race. every other ethnicity is just a made up label.

if you could elaborate on how that is a logical point, I would gladly listen. I just honeestly don't see it.

now, if you mean preserving their CULTURE, that's something completely different. the color of your skin has nothing to do with what you believe, want to belive or how you chose to live.

sook wrote:i don't have anything against interracial dating - but i do see the possible difficulties that may arise from say..interracial marriage.
i'm chinese and if i were to date a white guy - he probably won't share the same cultural values as me. we don't have the same traditions. so in that sense, it's just culturally easier to date a guy who understands why i celebrate cny or eat mooncake or stuff like that.
cultural values... hmmm, now that's interesting, but it's sitll generalizing. We have the power to chose our own identity, value systems and to accept/deny anything our culture presents us with. For example, I was raised Catholic, but I don't want a catholic wedding.(unless whomever I decide to marry wants one) and I don't even consider myself catholic anymore. I would GLADLY learn and adapt to new cultural values, as long as they don't conflict with my individual values.


cerberus wrote:I'm all for interracial relationships, and I don't think cultural differences should have a great impact on a relationship. As for mixing until we're all the same colour; its a nice idea to eliminate all racism in the world by transforming into one super race that shares similar genetics, but then human kind would run the risk of suddenly being wiped out by a highly evolved virus, like ebola. Genetic diversity ensures thatn humans as a species will always be able to deal with any situation.
actually, It's scientifically proven that the more we mix the LESS susseptible we are to diseases like that. mixing does not erase immunities, it creates them. Anti-disease genes are dominant.

Also, that "we should all keep mixing until we're all the same color" was intended as a joke. It's actually a quote from some commedian, except he used a stronger word rather than "mixing". one that begins with F and ends with ucking.
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Post by cerberus » Jan 21st, '06, 01:09

I'd say the scientific arguments are debatable, as we don't work quite as simple as plants do:
Children born from mixed race relationships can possibly benefit from heterosis or suffer due to Outbreeding depression. Overall the health of Multiracial people is roughly the same as that of people who are not multiracial
(From the wiki article you posted about Racial purety)

You also have to consider that a "pure" race is going to be very well adapted to the environement, so mixing together someone native to japan, and someone native to lapland is going to produce a child who isnt going to be particularly well suited to any environement (Outbreeding depression). Okay, thats taking it to extremes, but apparently people well adapted to cold climates have reduced sweat glands, so if a child who inherited that trait was bought up in japan, they are going to be fairly buggered on a hot day.
Relative alcohol immunity is another trait that I would miss if I had inherited particular genes from the asian culture!

All that is besides the point though -i'm arguing devil’s advocate really.

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Post by Gir » Jan 21st, '06, 01:42

sook wrote:i don't have anything against interracial dating - but i do see the possible difficulties that may arise from say..interracial marriage.
i'm chinese and if i were to date a white guy - he probably won't share the same cultural values as me. we don't have the same traditions. so in that sense, it's just culturally easier to date a guy who understands why i celebrate cny or eat mooncake or stuff like that.
Actually studies have found that mixed cultural marriages do better than non-mixed.

What happens is if the couple have different views on something, two people of the same culture see it as "personal" conflict and tend to fight about it. While multicultural couples see it as a cultural conflict and tend to try to learn and resolve the problem as a way of getting to know each other and their cultures.

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Post by pokute » Jan 21st, '06, 01:49

Gir wrote:
sook wrote:i don't have anything against interracial dating - but i do see the possible difficulties that may arise from say..interracial marriage.
i'm chinese and if i were to date a white guy - he probably won't share the same cultural values as me. we don't have the same traditions. so in that sense, it's just culturally easier to date a guy who understands why i celebrate cny or eat mooncake or stuff like that.
Actually studies have found that mixed cultural marriages do better than non-mixed.

What happens is if the couple have different views on something, two people of the same culture see it as "personal" conflict and tend to fight about it. While multicultural couples see it as a cultural conflict and tend to try to learn and resolve the problem as a way of getting to know each other and their cultures.
Yeah, and people who partner with someone from another culture are naturally going to tend to be more "tolerant" to begin with... so they are going to tend to personalize (and internalize) conflict less, making an amicable resolution more likely, making for a happier relationship overall. So "mixed race" couples will tend to be happier because they tend to be made up of happier, more tolerant individuals before the fact of "mixed race" is even considered.

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Post by BusonIssa » Jan 21st, '06, 01:51

I'd say the scientific arguments are debatable, as we don't work quite as simple as plants do:
Er, yes we do - I should know as I actually research human population genetics! Plant genetics, animal genetics - at the end of the day the principles are exactly the same.

Hybrid vigor is a well-established fact, and saying that there are "pure" races or that interracial marriage will make us all the same is simply nonsense. There is no such thing as a "good" scientific reason why someone would be against interracial dating - the only reason why one would oppose it is because - ahem - one is racially prejudiced.

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Post by miriko » Jan 21st, '06, 02:31

My grandmother is half Lebanese and half black, my grandfather is half Spanish and half Indian, my other set of grandparents are a mix of french and English.... So I am a mix of so many things... I also am happily married to a Japanese guy, which the whole of my family accepts very well... Since I am a mixture of so many things, there is no way that I could have ever married my own race! And in my dating history I have dated everything from Indian, to Arab, to Danish, to Vietnamese... Maybe because I dint have a specific race I identify to strongly, I identify a little bit with everyone. I love all cultures and I have always been super excited to learn more about them. I speak English, french, Spanish, German and Japanese. I am sure my kids will also speak at least English, french and Japanese. I am proud of my background and I think that in the end acceptance is better than tolerance. I know that some people say that it is good to keep races pure, but I think that by mixing things up you get some pretty interesting results!!! I am not against people who wish to keep it pure, because I have a lot of friends who are Arab or Chinese and have no desire to date or marry outside of their culture, but I think they are limiting themselves!! :whistling:
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If you havesome time for an interview PM me... It would really help me out:)

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Post by CraZyaH » Jan 21st, '06, 02:50

miriko wrote:My grandmother is half Lebanese and half black, my grandfather is half Spanish and half Indian, my other set of grandparents are a mix of french and English.... So I am a mix of so many things... I also am happily married to a Japanese guy, which the whole of my family accepts very well... Since I am a mixture of so many things, there is no way that I could have ever married my own race! And in my dating history I have dated everything from Indian, to Arab, to Danish, to Vietnamese... Maybe because I dint have a specific race I identify to strongly, I identify a little bit with everyone. I love all cultures and I have always been super excited to learn more about them. I speak English, french, Spanish, German and Japanese. I am sure my kids will also speak at least English, french and Japanese. I am proud of my background and I think that in the end acceptance is better than tolerance. I know that some people say that it is good to keep races pure, but I think that by mixing things up you get some pretty interesting results!!! I am not against people who wish to keep it pure, because I have a lot of friends who are Arab or Chinese and have no desire to date or marry outside of their culture, but I think they are limiting themselves!! :whistling:
interesting..you got any pictures you could share with us? would be nice to see the result of that mixture!!! :blink
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Post by Prince of Moles » Jan 21st, '06, 03:02

I agree with most posters before me that there is no biological reason to be against interracial dating.

If there is a possible leg to stand upon, one could be against intercultural dating.

Let's take extreme cases for example. Although I have nothing against the Amish, I doubt that I could ever last in a serious relationship with someone who rejects the use of electricity. Or for example, I could not last in a relationship with a matriarchical non-Han Chinese tribe that practices polygamy (1 woman marries multiple men), jealousy would kill me.

Now I would like to think that I am open minded about this and that I don't care what culture(or race) you are from as long as I can communicate with you. But I too have limits. So I can see why some people would prefer to date people from their own culture. It becomes a matter of degree.

PS
So I think dating an American of a different skin color is probably easier (despite the difference in skin color you share the same culture) than if you were say Japanese American and you date a Japanese person from Japan. Skin color might be the same but your cultures are vastly different. (Heck if you're a 3rd or 4th generation Japanese American odds are you no longer speak Japanese...)

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Post by mooiced » Jan 21st, '06, 04:12

Well though there is a generation gap, but i think their is some sort of values that influence you. As an asian, my parents would say "i prefer you to marry an asian", though they not against interacial marriages, there is certainly dissappointment. Family values, culture would be long gone after there grandaughters, grandsons. So i guess it more of the influences of family that is upon you that you are against interacial marriag or not.

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Post by cerberus » Jan 21st, '06, 11:29

BusonIssa wrote:Hybrid vigor is a well-established fact, and saying that there are "pure" races or that interracial marriage will make us all the same is simply nonsense. There is no such thing as a "good" scientific reason why someone would be against interracial dating - the only reason why one would oppose it is because - ahem - one is racially prejudiced.
My point is that there is no scientific reason why someone should consider a mixed race offspring as "better" than anyone else; (healthier, smarter etc). Hybrid vigor is a well known concept, but the offspring from two interracial parents (both hybrid vigor) would yield very diverse results. Some would suffer from outbreeding depression (another well known concept).

So in the end, the difference between an interracial child, and a "pure race" child isn't a great deal - some benefit from genetic diversity, and some don't.

As I said before, I am all for dating someone from a different culture.

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Post by Néa Vanille » Jan 21st, '06, 11:50

Of course I'm all for interracial dating. I do it all the time. :lol

I am a white girl living in Europe and for the past couple of years, the majority of my boyfriends have been Asian (I've had it all: Chinese, Japanese, Korean..) and only a comparatively small percentage were white. Out of my the three most lasting and memorable relationships I've ever had so far, one of them was white (German), one was Chinese (though I suspect that the fact that I'm white was the real reason for breaking up..) and my current boyfriend is a Japanese boy born and raised in Japan.

What I can say about my experiences dating a pretty Japanese boy.. there ARE cultural barriers. Sometimes I offend my boy with typically European behaviour, behaviour that I don't recognise myself as being European and vice versa. His Japanese-ness (for lack of a better word XD) is sometimes quite irritating.

What we do is talk about it and both of us try to avoid doing the cultural things likely to irk the other. We acknowledge those things as 'cultural differences', barriers for sure, but barriers that can be overcome. Thanks to him, I've grown quite sensitive to Asian culture and there are quie a number of things I don't do anymore (swearing, for example - he hated it! :lol ). As for some other cultural things such as table manners - I don't really care anymore when he slurps because I know it's just a part of his culture. I just accept it and barely notice it anymore.

Other aspects of Japanese culture, such as family values, have positively rubbed off on me. Since getting to know my boyfriend's relationship with his parents and grandparents, I've found it a good inspiration to try improving my own.

Likewise, I'm pretty sure that through my typical European confidence and straight-forwardness, he has become more confident and sure of himself. (though he was quite confident to begin with)

Hope I could help someone by providing some insight into my own interracial relationship. :-) To conclude this post, I'd like to add that my extensive interracial dating has broadened my horizon and has taught me a lot about the world we live in - and how to interpret it.

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Post by BusonIssa » Jan 21st, '06, 12:12

Some would suffer from outbreeding depression (another well known concept).
You say this as if you actually knew what it meant in the context of human populations. Go ahead, tell me again what the average F_ST distance is between "races", and what the estimated proportion of variation is which is "racial"; tell me what the estimated genetic load is for the average individual and use the Price Equation to give a plausible rationale for why you think these statistics indicate previously isolated human populations have such thoroughly co-adapted gene complexes that interracial marriage is as likely to be harmful as helpful to their offspring. Show me the genetically intermediate populations between "races" which suffer from increased mortality or reproductive fitness due to a loss of co-adapted genes. You're more than free to quote studies from any of the leading journals in my field to buttress your claim if you can - assuming you even know what these journals are, that is ...

I could get a lot more into this, but as I know this isn't a genetics board, I'm not going to bore everyone else to death by doing so. Let me just leave it at saying that you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about in saying that the children of interracial marriages are at best no fitter than those between members of the same "races"; you may not like interracial dating for whatever irrational private reasons of your own, but don't try to use science you at best superficially understand to argue that it's somehow a bad thing given what we know about genetic variation in our species - for every possible allele you could turn up whose beneficial effects are somehow weakened by interrracial marriage, I can turn up several dozen harmful ones (many extremely common) which are neutralized through the same phenomenon, simply by running a quick search through the publicly available databases.

To everyone else reading this: sorry if I sound annoyed, but I really get touchy when I see people trying to misuse my field to justify their private agendas, thereby casting it into disrepute.

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Post by Rupugus » Jan 21st, '06, 15:20

Actually, he didn't ever say he opposes it, he said he's all for it. He even said he was just playing devil's advocate.
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Post by Mythrel » Jan 21st, '06, 17:36

:lol I had this werid concept growing up that there would be a super baby that was equally mixed with all races lol. Oh how I love my imagionation *pets his imagionation*. I don't see any reason why there shouldn't be interracial relationships and I am almost positive the arguements against such a thing would be weak. Cultural difference? although that may be true there are ones even within ones own race. weither they were raised a christian, jew, catholic, raised in a city or raised in the country. Born to a rich family born to a poor family. Everyone is going to have differences because thats just how life is we are not the same. So if you can look past the skin colour to find something more beautiful then good for you. If all you see is the skin colour well better luck in your next life time.
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Post by Néa Vanille » Jan 22nd, '06, 00:11

Another thing I had to say is that I really like the crowd here at d-addicts. So many positive comments about interracial dating isn't at all that usual..

I've been to asianfanatics and to soompi and I saw lots of 'AZNS W/ AZNS!!!' 'we asians rule keep our race pure!!!' 'i only date azn cuz my parents wud kick ma azz' comments, so many in fact that I'm now seriously turned off to those communities..

d-addicts, though.. seems to be a lot more tolerant place. There is even a threat about same-sex love, I'm really impressed by d-addicts' high-standards.

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Post by expo1970 » Jan 22nd, '06, 00:40

wow, I didn't expect everyone to hate my comment so much (i was actually expecting someone else to then be able to gather up their courage to say their point of view against interracial relations, but i guess with the reaction people had to my post, that's impossible)

however, I will defend my post. I will reiterate my point first: there are rational reasons for being against interracial relations.

The "pure race" idea doesn't really hold in my mind but I guess you can make that argument. But, there is a similar argument that I do agree with. Consider a child who has to grow up in a world that still doesn't fully accept halfs. This is a very difficult thing to have to deal with. You may be picked on as a child and eventually develop a complex. Now, not all halfs does this happen to, obviously. But as a parent, would you want to have to risk your child suffering through this pain his entire life because of his parents' selfishness? Then again, this is only valid point if you assume your interracial relationship leads to having children, but in an ideal relation, that's where you're headed right?

Well, against, going along with the same assumption about having children, consider growing up without having a country that you can call home. Being half, you must forever be torn between two countries neither of which may be willing to accept you. Recently, there was an article in TIME that said that there are record numbers of Asian Americans today. Asian Americans must suffer the fact that they don't look American (so they do not fit in in America) and they cannot speak the language of their ancestors so they can definitely not be accepted there. It is a very VERY lonely feeling not having a country to belong to. Identity crisis is a big buzz word these days.

I have many friends who say that they can never have a serious relation (meaning marry) with someone who is not the same nationality as them. They are not against all interracial marriage, but they personally would not marry someone of a different race. Their reasoning is that it's just not realistically possible. Differences in ultures and living habits, no matter how much love there may be, cannot be overcome if they are too extreme. I have Japanese friends that say they could not live a day without eating rice at least in one meal. This means that their significant other must live with having rice being cooked every day (and considering the fact that rice can't be made in small amounts this could develop into a serious problem). This is just a very simple simple example. Food in general is a very difficult border.

I can give many many more reasons for why an individual may be against interracial relations but the simple explanation is this: why have borders between nations, why have countries at all? In English, a phrase that I really like is "good fences make good neighbors." Well, if you expand that in a humorous way, you can say, "don't marry your neighbor." It's a little ridiculous but kind of captures what i mean.... not really but it's funny.

Having different countries and different nationalities stay away from each other is sometimes the best way to maintain good relations. People can of course compromise and overcome differences, but that means both sides need to give up something. You can easily argue that the thing you're giving up is much MUCH more significant that what you gain.

note: i mostly argued against interracial marriages because if your interracial relation is serious, you're expecting to get married eventually. if not, then that's not a serious relation and i would argue it doesn't matter who you date with if its not serious.
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Post by Mythrel » Jan 22nd, '06, 01:15

I will then still have to believe that if you are against interracial relationships you are racist because those differences are so petty. expo only a racist who is so ignorant to other possiblities would believe such garbage.
But as a parent, would you want to have to risk your child suffering through this pain his entire life because of his parents' selfishness? Then again, this is only valid point if you assume your interracial relationship leads to having children, but in an ideal relation, that's where you're headed right?"
Ok seriously what kind of arguement is that. There parents are selfish for being in love and wanting to have a kid together... selfish.... I can soo see how you can put the two together. Oh right its because they are from different places on earth. Oh, but thats like planets away ewww who wants to have babies with an alien monster. That arguement almost makes more sense.

Have you been to a place maybe a city where there are vast communities of people of different ethnicity? You will realize pretty darn quick that we are pretty much the same. There are christians who are japanese and there are buddists who are American. Culture differences exist in everyday society all the people around you live way different life styles then you and even some that share the same. So keep your eyes closed it suits you.
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Post by miriko » Jan 22nd, '06, 01:37

I can see why your comments might be unpopular. You have the right to your opinion. Boards are up so people can interact and debate things...

With this spirit in mind, let me go against your arguments (please note that I mean no disrespect, I am just desirous to rebuke your opinions, which are so diametrically opposed to mine)

EXPO1970 said: " Consider a child who has to grow up in a world that still doesn't fully accept halfs. This is a very difficult thing to have to deal with. You may be picked on as a child and eventually develop a complex"

So if something isn't tolerated in some culture then we should avoid it entirely? Then, if women were not tolerated in the workplace and are having a difficult time because some coworkers are being abusive, then they should just turn back and go home? If blacks were not allowed to go to school, then they should turn back and go to the fields?? With this kind of thinking we make NO progress at all. Some amount of discomfort may arise from change, but that doesn't mean we should let this possibility govern our thoughts or future actions.

EXPO1970 said "But as a parent, would you want to have to risk your child suffering through this pain his entire life because of his parents' selfishness?"

This seems to be a comment that is slightly irresponsible!!! Are you trying to say that because my parents, who were from different backgrounds, fell in love that they were being selfish towards their future children?? Everytime you make a choice in your life do you take the time to consider the outcome of that choice 10 or 15 years later? I guess I am a selfish person, because my kids will be mixed and if they have to suffer through anything because of that fact then I will support them every step of the way... But to be honest, as a Canadian, I ha vent suffered at all from my parent's decision and I strongly doubt that my children will face a harsh future because of mine.


EXPO1970 said "Well, against, going along with the same assumption about having children, consider growing up without having a country that you can call home. Being half, you must forever be torn between two countries neither of which may be willing to accept you. "

Once again, I am a MIX, I am not lonely or confused. I embrace every culture and as far as I am concerned, I am Canadian. Canada seems to accept me just fine! And the fact that I have a varied ethnic background is fun! Do you speak 5 languages? Many different cultures means a lot of different things to learn, and a lot of holidays to celebrate!!!

EXPO1970 said "I have many friends who say that they can never have a serious relation (meaning marry) with someone who is not the same nationality as them. They are not against all interracial marriage, but they personally would not marry someone of a different race. Their reasoning is that it's just not realistically possible. "

I have plenty of friends in relationships with people of their own race, and three of those couples are divorcing. Relationships are hard! Me and my husband are actually more tolerant of each other because we come from different backgrounds. When we get into a fight, i often think things like: "well, he didn't say that to hurt me, this is just the way they do things in Japan" Whereas, when I was dating Canadian boys their was no excuse like that since we were raised with similar values.

EXPO1970 said " I have Japanese friends that say they could not live a day without eating rice at least in one meal. This means that their significant other must live with having rice being cooked every day (and considering the fact that rice can't be made in small amounts this could develop into a serious problem). This is just a very simple simple example. Food in general is a very difficult border."

COMPROMISE! In any case I dare you to find any relationship where people, even from the same culture dont have different tastes or habbits... All relationships involve some amount of compromise. And I have a great rice cooker that will cook one cup of rice if my hubby feels like rice and I dont!!!

EXPO1970 said "Well, if you expand that in a humorous way, you can say, "don't marry your neighbor." It's a little ridiculous but kind of captures what i mean.... not really but it's funny."

If you dint marry your neighbors then you will essentially be marrying your own family members... So in a humorous way, are you suggesting incest is good?? I am no scientist but I think the same thing happens to nations when the blood is too pure, people start having more diseases linked to weak genes... So I guess marrying your neighbors isn't that bad after all....

Anyway, please dint take offense at my comment... I think debating things is healthy!!! And I welcome more debate on this subject!!! :salut:

ps: I seem to be having difficulties with this quoting thing, so I just made home quotes.... :mrgreen:
Last edited by miriko on Jan 22nd, '06, 01:45, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by Romance » Jan 22nd, '06, 01:40

why would i be against it, my gf is japanese ;P

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Post by Rupugus » Jan 22nd, '06, 01:53

::: Takes a deep breath::::
expo1970 wrote:The "pure race" idea doesn't really hold in my mind but I guess you can make that argument. But, there is a similar argument that I do agree with. Consider a child who has to grow up in a world that still doesn't fully accept halfs. This is a very difficult thing to have to deal with. You may be picked on as a child and eventually develop a complex. Now, not all halfs does this happen to, obviously. But as a parent, would you want to have to risk your child suffering through this pain his entire life because of his parents' selfishness? Then again, this is only valid point if you assume your interracial relationship leads to having children, but in an ideal relation, that's where you're headed right?
So, you're arguing that you would be against interracial relations in general, because you don't want to raise a child in a world that's against interracial relations in general? I'm sorry but that does not compute.

The world daily grows more accepting of mixed babies, in fact, most people, especially in America, don't even know that they are mixed! Hybrids are everywhere and growing, and bringing a multiracial child into the world will just add one more person who is not prejudiced against other multiracial children. besides, there's plenty of other things for people not to accept you for, genealogical symmetry is rarely one that pops into most intelligent minds these days.
Well, against, going along with the same assumption about having children, consider growing up without having a country that you can call home. Being half, you must forever be torn between two countries neither of which may be willing to accept you. Recently, there was an article in TIME that said that there are record numbers of Asian Americans today. Asian Americans must suffer the fact that they don't look American (so they do not fit in in America) and they cannot speak the language of their ancestors so they can definitely not be accepted there. It is a very VERY lonely feeling not having a country to belong to. Identity crisis is a big buzz word these days.
Without a country to call home. where did that come from? what about the multiple races often live in the same country? What about the non-multiracial(mono-racial? hehe) families that move from one country to another? What about multi-racial parents who chose not to teach their children about one of their home countries? forget all that, who says that having 2 countries of origin means you have no countries to call home? it's exactly the opposite! Speaking as someone who has dual citizenship, It's quite the opposite. I find I have many places to call home and I adapt to surroundings faster.
I have many friends who say that they can never have a serious relation (meaning marry) with someone who is not the same nationality as them. They are not against all interracial marriage, but they personally would not marry someone of a different race. Their reasoning is that it's just not realistically possible. Differences in cultures and living habits, no matter how much love there may be, cannot be overcome if they are too extreme. I have Japanese friends that say they could not live a day without eating rice at least in one meal. This means that their significant other must live with having rice being cooked every day (and considering the fact that rice can't be made in small amounts this could develop into a serious problem). This is just a very simple simple example. Food in general is a very difficult border.
you'd be surprised what's realistically possible when you love some one. habits ARE changeable. and unless you're allergic to rice, that's just silly.
"In sickness and in health, till death do us part.... as long as I don't have to eat that damned rice every day!!!"
I can give many many more reasons for why an individual may be against interracial relations
I can give one too, they're prejudiced. I'm not saying "hey everyone, you're a racist if you marry someone of you're color!!" I'm saying, "you are racist if you are against them period." without giving them a chance, without considering willingness of either party to change, and regardless of individual situations, you just generally oppose them for yourself or anyone else. That sounds pretty racist to me.
note: i mostly argued against interracial marriages because if your interracial relation is serious, you're expecting to get married eventually. if not, then that's not a serious relation and i would argue it doesn't matter who you date with if its not serious.
darn straight, them nig*** is good enough to f***, but doncha ever marry one!
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Post by ephesus » Jan 22nd, '06, 01:57

<---That's me right there, bottom right.
I'm completely biased in this argument, being a half korean and half black, Japanese speaker, but there are no valid scientific reasons to suggest that race is an important factor in much of ANYTHING anymore. Most scientists go as far as to point out the fact that distinguishing race scientifically in and of itself is (almost?) impossible.

At the very least, most arguments used against interracial dating are actually arguments against inter-cultural dating. "Japanese culture is rubbing off on me" or "I'm more tolerent of <fill in the blank>" are not arguments for or against inter-racial dating, you're refering to the culture not the race. People who care about skin color are generally agreed to be simply ignorant and poorly informed/educated about the subject.
The person who suggested that having everybody be mixed would be the end of diversity and creativity clearly doesn't understand the actual nature of creativity OR diversity. These things dont somehow spring forth from your skin-tone.

As far as the arguments that Expo1970 made about a "half" being "torn between two countries" or whatever, that's complete rubbbish and clearly just speculation. I'm mixed and adopted into a white family, and I don't feel torn between anything. Cultures don't care what color skin their inhabitants have, PEOPLE are the ones who care about that. If you're that starved for acceptance from other people that you worry about it, you have other problems and confronting them is probably in your best interest anyway. hah (that was kind of tongue in cheek, but not really)
Last edited by ephesus on Jan 22nd, '06, 02:14, edited 2 times in total.

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Post by Rupugus » Jan 22nd, '06, 02:03

miriko wrote:If you dint marry your neighbors then you will essentially be marrying your own family members... So in a humorous way, are you suggesting incest is good?? I am no scientist but I think the same thing happens to nations when the blood is too pure, people start having more diseases linked to weak genes... So I guess marrying your neighbors isn't that bad after all....
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That's what's Called "inbreeding depression" children!

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Post by Mythrel » Jan 22nd, '06, 02:08

wow Im glad I wasn't the only one who strongly opposed LOL. :lol
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Post by Rupugus » Jan 22nd, '06, 02:29

Mythrel wrote:wow Im glad I wasn't the only one who strongly opposed LOL. :lol
Ooo! I've been waiting years for another chance to tell this joke....

You have just won the award for.....
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Post by Mythrel » Jan 22nd, '06, 02:35

I prefer Mr. Obvious thx you! XD
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Post by MaiMunky » Jan 22nd, '06, 02:35

I think this was pointless. It shouldn't matter about other peoples' views on interracial dating. Date who you like, marry who you love. Your future is at hand, take hold of it. Its a new generation, your parents will have to accept it. You can only go so far to satisfy them. Get a good education, get a good paying job, and return your debt to your parents by buying them a car or a house and it is due. I'm asian so that is basically how it goes. They raise you, you return the favor when they are old--but love cannot be controlled. I thought this post was pointless, yet I actually posted in it. Heh, contradicted myself, huh? And... if its not parents' acceptance you are worrying about but outsider's... I don't think that would matter. So what if people in the street or a cafe give you weird looks if like an american and african american were together? You don't know them well, why worry about their opinion. Just live your life how you want it without breaking any laws lol. Live happily and fully.

I'm not against interracial dating/marriage. My family wants me to marry an asian guy, preferably a Viet guy who is intelligent and has a good paying job. But... I don't want that. I want someone I love, I am intelligent myself, and I will get a good paying job as a pharmacist [they wanted me to be this; my family consists of doctors and pharmacists, and that is as far as I am going with their wish.]
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Post by dEvIlDuDe » Jan 22nd, '06, 03:33

Me I don't give a crap... whoever I am going to be happy wit then she'll be the one.... :-)

And even if most of the ppl in America would say "hey interracial dating is cool wit me," I'm guessing there will be only a smaalll percent that would do that....

OT: what music is it in the bckground of your site MaiMunky??

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Post by expo1970 » Jan 22nd, '06, 05:23

okay.... maybe my english isn't very good so people keep missing the big point i'm trying to make.

i KNOW there are successful interracial marriages. i have many friends who are halfs. i have lots of friends who are envious of these halfs because they are so attractive (then again, there are ugly ones, just like regular people).

what i'm trying to say is, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT RISK WITH YOUR CHILD? do you want to chance your child developing problems having no place to call home or people who are unwilling to accept them?

this isn't a good reason to avoid interracial marriages? in an ideal world YES, this is a terrible reason to avoid interracial marriages. if you're an idealist you would think we have a responsibility to change the world. but do you want to make your child suffer in order to change the world? if you were actually put in that position could you REALLY do it?

i went to an international school where everyone was either a half or full but lived in a foreign country too long they could not attend regular schools. many of them are happy. but mostly, they can only be happy amongst themselves, people who have the same experience of being half or not having a home.

AGAIN, i reiterate. halfs can be happy. but do you want to take that risk with your own child? do you want to take the risk that your child will always feel like they have no place where they belong?

MIRIKO: that last thing was a joke. that's why i said it was funny after i wrote it. i am not suggesting incest. but if you really want a debate, we can argue who decided incest is wrong.

the word selfish was i guess a bit too strong. i am thinking in japanese then find the words in english so you have to excuse me. self-centered? is that a little weaker? i think selfish has a strong negative connotation? well, sometimes it's okay to be self-centered. people have feelings, people have only one life, people have a right to be happy in that one life. but people also have the responsibility to think about the repercussions their own happiness may have. and if avoiding a certain kind of relation may prevent another's pain, perhaps its necessary.

MYTHREL: i'm not racist. i don't think that other races are lesser than mine. people influenced by the west love to whip out the phrase 'you're racist' towards everything, thinking it's the ultimate card that defeats all arguments. just because i am hesitant towards interracial marriages doesn't make me racist. neither does not being tolerate of other cultures make one racist either. if there is a tribe somewhere that sacrifices a virgin every year and you could not tolerate that custom, does that make you racist? no. if you are against communism, does that make you racist towards chinese, vietnam, and north korea? no.

finally, i'm not pushing my views upon anyone. i'd just like people to understand that there are many people who think like me and we're not hurting anyone by having these opinions. i'm just not an idealist when it comes to risking my child's future. i'd be willing to sacrifice my life for causes but not others. also, if you have the will and strength to MAKE it work, YOU CAN. i just don't think i'm that strong of a person. just please don't scorn people who aren't strong like me.
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Post by Eria » Jan 22nd, '06, 08:29

hmmmm... i'm not against interracial dating, but i'll pass.

i'm pure filipino and my ex was chinese, born and raised here in the US but his parent's mentality is "stuck in china/hongkong"~~> my ex's line.

you might say, "you're not marrying his parents" and all this crap but me and my family and extended family (aunties, uncles, cousins, other grandparents) are tight like coffee and sugar. i just don't wanna be with someone who has relatives that will disgust me or my family. not happening. too many sacrifices, "adjustings", changes. i don't like it. i wanna live life drama-free as much as possible.

i'd most definitely date a mixed as long as his family doesn't disrespect my family. and i won't go out with a full guy who will disrespect me either.

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Post by aNToK » Jan 22nd, '06, 09:23

Hmm... This one's still going? Ah, the lengths people will go to justify their opinions. Luckily, whatever anyone says here will ultimately be just that: their opininon. (including all the genetic crap. I said earlier that mixed couples often produce very cute babies. You guys can argue the rest all you want. Who cares?)

As far as expo70's comments (since I haven't dug out who said all the quotes from rupugus's earlier post), I'll simply say this: Your apparent assumption that mixed couples are self-centered, selfish, whatever term you want to use is ludicrous and of the same exact type of mind-set as the ones who would look down on an ainko (right word?) in Japan. Just because you may or may not be too scared or worried about what society may think of mixed kids, don't assume that those who do are automatically wrong. A society that would look down on those couples and children are the ones in the wrong. And anyone who thinks otherwise can kiss my ever-loving rainbow-family having ass!!!!!!
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Post by aNToK » Jan 22nd, '06, 09:32

Little addition? I'd take the "risk" of raising a mixed child any day over raising a child with a woman who was the "right" color, background, blah blah... that I wasn't in love with.

You raise a child with love, with the one you love, then that child learns to love himself and others.

You raise a child with a value system that prizes appearance, race or background over love, then you propagate the same fucked-up type of thinking that the parents in all these dramas we watch depict with the "suitable marriage" candidates and what-not.

I'd much rather pass on a legacy of love, respect, tolerance, and personal strength to the next generation....
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Post by fearspooky » Jan 22nd, '06, 09:49

im half japanese and half american and i have a taiwanese girlfriend. i dont think theres anything wrong with it >_>

i used to have some racial identity issues about myself before but these days, i dont really care about it; just being myself is the best.
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Post by aNToK » Jan 22nd, '06, 09:55

And since I seem to be in the mood to still post, howzabout a personal example? My lady's from China, and her parents were a bit hesitant when they found out that she was marrying a "white" guy and starting a family. They came to visit with the intention of leaving in a month if they didn't like me or if it was too "weird" for them.

Hmm.... That was a little over 3 years ago, and both stayed for over a year, my father-in-law is one of my best friends, and mom-in-law is now a permanent resident living with us here. (Dad's back in China taking care of her sister and her family and visits often).

Our son, who's obviously mixed, spent the summer in Hong Kong and China and was greeted with pride, love, and affection by all the family and friends over there, and proved very popular with just about everyone he met over there.

Already at 9, he has a deep sense of pride in being American, and of his Chinese heritage as well. Kids learn what you teach them, and the way you live your life is the best lesson of all.


Hmm... not picking on Expo, except that I'm a little tired of the all caps "DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT RISK WITH YOUR CHILD" crap. Question answered, k?

The real risk is in teaching your kid that it's better to follow whatever society dictates rather than to find and follow their own heart and convictions. How the hell does a kid ever develop a sense of self-worth if his own parents allow others to dictate how they should live their lives? Something to think about....
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Post by Eria » Jan 22nd, '06, 10:31

aNToK wrote: my father-in-law is one of my best friends, and mom-in-law is now a permanent resident living with us here. (Dad's back in China taking care of her sister and her family and visits often).
wow! you got nice in-laws. my uncle (auntie's husband) is also chinese and his side of the family are really, really nice and humble. although they moved to the philippines so i don't know if that made a difference. but i still love them to death. my cousins are mixed also but my uncle wants my cousin to marry a chinese guy only.

my experience with my ex was really traumatizing. his dad said some bad things about me (in chinese, was later translated) over thanksgiving dinner so he had to take me home in the middle of the dinner. his mom told me out of the blue that they're family have filipino maids in hongkong then she said she wants the best for jeff. so **** painful to be look down upon and judge you because of your people. later on, his older brother told me that the whole fam doesn't like me for him. my family loved jeff so much they cook food for him everytime we come and visit. our relationship was so abnormal because we DIDN'T fight at all. all i knew was i didn't want to be in that environment.

yah... that's my sad interracial story. me and him are still friends. it took us a couple years to move on and not have any contact before we can see each other as friends again. it was very hard. just like those damn dramas. LOL. but i wish he finds a girl already.

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Post by shokasan » Jan 22nd, '06, 11:03

Wow... this seems to be a very heated debate... and I do hope that I do not offend anyone, but I just had to post. I'm truly glad that someone decided to ask the question of interracial relationships, because it has been an important topic to me for awhile now, and your discussion has been very interesting. Some of you have discussed issues that have been questions of mine for quite a long time! First of all, Antok, what you said about both your wife's parents and your son was wonderful, and gives me hope for my own future! The questions about raising children may be hurtful to those who are of mixed descent and those who have raised children of mixed heritage, but they are the questions that I believe anyone in an interracial relationship must think about if they are near marriage--and they do. ^_^ I'm in a little different boat than those who have previously posted. I have been in a relationship with an Indian man for 3 years now(He came to America to pursue his graduate degree). Many people have said that you should be with the one that you love--and this is true. More importantly, I have found that I have CHOSEN him. It's not that I fell head-over-heels in love with the exotic foreigner (although that sounds really lovely). So I wouldn't say that I have fallen into a situation that I am bound to regret years down the line or something. We stay together because of our SIMILARITIES, to be honest. Now, I happen to be an ultra-conservative Kansan. More conservative than most of the people I know, actually. ^_^ Raja was perfect for me because he held the same views, and after coming to America, he was astonished to actually find a woman that reminded him of home. I was happy to finally find a man who saw things as I did. As strange as it sounds, it's true. Some people, not all, seem to date people of other races because it's interesting and new. This isn't wrong, this is what dating's about, right? Yet after the initial interest in the other culture fades, both people find that their cultural differences are too great to continue. Yet this is certainly not true of all interracial relationships. Any relationship, interracial or otherwise, is based upon committment and compromise (perhaps a little more compromising occurs in interracial relationships...), and the achievement of these two factors is what guarantees success. Some people are willing to work out the cultural problems because they love each other so much. You have to be willing to accept change, I find. For instance, someone said something earlier about rice. Well, as a Kansan, I eat bread, not rice, unless it's wild rice with gravy. But hey, by being with Raja I have learned to enjoy and crave an entirely different type of food--curry!! (Which also, the turmeric in Indian curry is supposed to ward off Alseimer's Disease, a problem in my family--could it be fate? ~_^) I also have gotten to dance in saris, adorn myself with henna and bangles, come to love the artistry of Bollywood films, and now yearn for Gulab Jamun (a dessert) over Ben&Jerry's Ice Cream. The joy he has brought to my life has made in-laws expectations and strict cultural expectations seem difficult, but fun. And I couldn't live without it. ^_^

And on the subject of children:
This question of how we will raise our children has been an issue of ours lately (especially when it comes to the topic of religion), but like everything else, we work through it. This one issue is also a reason that we CHOOSE to be together, as we have similar ideas about it as well. But as for how people receive those of mixed heritage, just look at Norah Jones. Did you know she's half Indian? She's the daughter of the renowned sitar player, Ravi Shankar. I didn't know until Raja told me. In fact, I don't realize that a lot of people are mixed until I'm told. I suppose that I just look at a person and say, "That's an American."

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Post by Néa Vanille » Jan 22nd, '06, 12:50

I somewhat agree that being mixed can be alienating, but, like many things, it's a two-way street. You are just as likely to embrace both cultures with your full heart and be eternally grateful that, unlike other children you know, you get to CHOOSE which country, which identity you want to identify yourself. You have the chance to grow up as a culturally well-rounded person, you have access to different mindsets from the very start and can choose the one that fits you best. All intelligent children can only profit from this.


Also, in America today, where so many people are mixed or otherwise non-white, there will always be sites like d-addicts where people of the same descent (I think most people here are Asian-Americans) can celebrate their own origins together without alienating them from their new American self.

It can be most fulfilling as well.

Not to mention the fact that Asian women who have white blood are a lot more likely to become models/porn stars/you name it, because the mixed look is very much the ideal in Asia these days. This is why all the people we see in dramas have double eyelids and high noses. Likewise, the Asian look is considered very attractive in Europe and America alike. You can only do your kid a favour by giving it a look that will appeal to other people.

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Post by MaiMunky » Jan 22nd, '06, 13:11

dEvIlDuDe wrote:Me I don't give a crap... whoever I am going to be happy wit then she'll be the one.... :-)

And even if most of the ppl in America would say "hey interracial dating is cool wit me," I'm guessing there will be only a smaalll percent that would do that....

OT: what music is it in the bckground of your site MaiMunky??
Its the piano version of the song from Love Contract. I have the whole album, if you want the song I could give you the link to it.
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Post by MaiMunky » Jan 22nd, '06, 13:26

expo1970 wrote:okay.... maybe my english isn't very good so people keep missing the big point i'm trying to make.

i KNOW there are successful interracial marriages. i have many friends who are halfs. i have lots of friends who are envious of these halfs because they are so attractive (then again, there are ugly ones, just like regular people).

what i'm trying to say is, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT RISK WITH YOUR CHILD? do you want to chance your child developing problems having no place to call home or people who are unwilling to accept them?

this isn't a good reason to avoid interracial marriages? in an ideal world YES, this is a terrible reason to avoid interracial marriages. if you're an idealist you would think we have a responsibility to change the world. but do you want to make your child suffer in order to change the world? if you were actually put in that position could you REALLY do it?

i went to an international school where everyone was either a half or full but lived in a foreign country too long they could not attend regular schools. many of them are happy. but mostly, they can only be happy amongst themselves, people who have the same experience of being half or not having a home.

AGAIN, i reiterate. halfs can be happy. but do you want to take that risk with your own child? do you want to take the risk that your child will always feel like they have no place where they belong?

MIRIKO: that last thing was a joke. that's why i said it was funny after i wrote it. i am not suggesting incest. but if you really want a debate, we can argue who decided incest is wrong.

the word selfish was i guess a bit too strong. i am thinking in japanese then find the words in english so you have to excuse me. self-centered? is that a little weaker? i think selfish has a strong negative connotation? well, sometimes it's okay to be self-centered. people have feelings, people have only one life, people have a right to be happy in that one life. but people also have the responsibility to think about the repercussions their own happiness may have. and if avoiding a certain kind of relation may prevent another's pain, perhaps its necessary.

MYTHREL: i'm not racist. i don't think that other races are lesser than mine. people influenced by the west love to whip out the phrase 'you're racist' towards everything, thinking it's the ultimate card that defeats all arguments. just because i am hesitant towards interracial marriages doesn't make me racist. neither does not being tolerate of other cultures make one racist either. if there is a tribe somewhere that sacrifices a virgin every year and you could not tolerate that custom, does that make you racist? no. if you are against communism, does that make you racist towards chinese, vietnam, and north korea? no.

finally, i'm not pushing my views upon anyone. i'd just like people to understand that there are many people who think like me and we're not hurting anyone by having these opinions. i'm just not an idealist when it comes to risking my child's future. i'd be willing to sacrifice my life for causes but not others. also, if you have the will and strength to MAKE it work, YOU CAN. i just don't think i'm that strong of a person. just please don't scorn people who aren't strong like me.
I understand your point of view. Although, as an individual you cannot rely on others for your happiness; it'll lead you into a pitfall of false hope. In your life you will struggle, you will have as much pain as there is happiness. Although, some people don't see that. They think "Oh my god... I've lost my boyfriend. The world is going to end. I can't be happy anymore." They're biggest fault was trying to make yourself happy by making him happy. Just because of that one incident you decide that you cannot go on. But what about your earlier years of life? Weren't they with happiness? Lets get to the point. Your child will not get accepted and will be by countless people. You can't try to shelter your child for the rest of your life. If life isn't about taking risks, why take a step further in living it? The will eventually grow up, and get over it. Time is yet fleeting. No matter on what subject you want to debate on: religion, interracial dating/marriage, abortion, hetero or homo, you will not have a clear answer. Everyone is entitled to their own point of view, so I agree with you and wouldn't like to be scorned at.

I think that the risk that you take will only make you stronger. This world is nothing but followers of trends. Think about it. If I say winter is the best season of all and I get a majority of people to agree with me, wouldn't you feel pressured to agree with us? Just like a fact, a fact is not always true, it is agreed upon by a majority of people. Why can't I say that the color green is really blue, and vice versa? The world is biased. People have grown narrow-minded and unaccepting, but just as many as there are of those, there are people who are accepting and open-minded.

Edit: After reading a couple more posts I just wanted to add something. This world is too fake, its all appearances now huh? I think everything is because we see the world through our eyes and appearances come first.
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Post by Mythrel » Jan 22nd, '06, 13:57

Expo believe what you want to believe, but if I marry an asian or any other race I am going to love my child all the same so don't try to tell me im raising my child in a world where no one would accept them. In china there are girls who are born 100% chinese who are not accepted because they are female. So even within someones own culture you cannot be accepted, it is all apprerences you are worrying about and its competely trivial. If you listen to what I posted you would see I said culture difference exist EVERYWHERE and including in ones own race. So if you believe in stereotypes, your theory works.
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Post by Rupugus » Jan 22nd, '06, 15:22

ah, sorry for not including the names on the quotes earlier, I assumed since I only named the first source, that it would be impliead that all quotes were from the same source.

expo1970 wrote:okay.... maybe my english isn't very good so people keep missing the big point i'm trying to make.
英語が上手ですよ! really, you make yourself understood, it's just that I see a problem with your logic in some of your arguments.
expo1970 wrote:i KNOW there are successful interracial marriages. i have many friends who are halfs. i have lots of friends who are envious of these halfs because they are so attractive (then again, there are ugly ones, just like regular people).

what i'm trying to say is, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT RISK WITH YOUR CHILD? do you want to chance your child developing problems having no place to call home or people who are unwilling to accept them?
hmmm. I think you're only looking at this issue from your own point of view, Japanese right? well, In japan, the only people you ever encounter of different ethnicity are either halfs or are people from ther countries. when you think a little more globally, it's easier to see that there are places where 2 people of different ethnicities are from the same country, the "place to call home" issue is non-existant. but more than that, I personally don't see it as a risk at all, The risks of developing psicological problems depend on much more than just being mixed or not. Relocating can cause the problems you mentioned, as could changing religions, or any other number of factors.

If you were to put yourself in my place for example, I am from a place where mixing is normal, in Puerto Rico almsot everyone is a mix of Native American, African and Spanish decent, because historically those were the people who lived there. there is no one that can claim any "race purity" of any sort. My Gramparents, starting from my mother's side are Spanish and Puerto Rican. from my father's side, my grandparents are From the Dominican Republic and from Jamaica. If I trace it back a few more generations I'm sure I find a ton of more countries, but this is sufficient for my example. I'm not sure you know this, but there are not that many spanis/puertorican/Dominican/Jamaican girls around. when someone is against multi-racial dating, to me, it soudns like they are against me dating AT ALL! heck, they're against me, my parents and their parents ever have been born.
expo1970 wrote:this isn't a good reason to avoid interracial marriages? in an ideal world YES, this is a terrible reason to avoid interracial marriages. if you're an idealist you would think we have a responsibility to change the world. but do you want to make your child suffer in order to change the world? if you were actually put in that position could you REALLY do it?
I have to do it, if ever wanted children at all. again, I think this comes from being in a place where anyone who is different is not accepted, but in many places in this world, multiracial children will be accepted. that suffering you seem to think is a guaranteed risk, is not even a factor for most. I personally have not suffered for being a half, nor do I think my children will, especially since I have no plans of living in a place that would not accept me or my children, not that it would matter to me. What others think is really just a minor obstacle in life. It's there, and it can hurt sometimes, but it is a minor issue.
expo1970 wrote:i went to an international school where everyone was either a half or full but lived in a foreign country too long they could not attend regular schools. many of them are happy. but mostly, they can only be happy amongst themselves, people who have the same experience of being half or not having a home.
Again, being a hal does not mean different countries necesarily, and does not mean you have no place to call a home. and as you said, people who have been away from their home country for an extended period of time also had this problem and went to your school, and they were "full" . and Do you honestly think that they would only be happy amongst themselves?
expo1970 wrote:AGAIN, i reiterate. halfs can be happy. but do you want to take that risk with your own child? do you want to take the risk that your child will always feel like they have no place where they belong?

MIRIKO: that last thing was a joke. that's why i said it was funny after i wrote it. i am not suggesting incest. but if you really want a debate, we can argue who decided incest is wrong.

um... science decided it's wrong, but that's another issue.
expo1970 wrote:the word selfish was i guess a bit too strong. i am thinking in japanese then find the words in english so you have to excuse me. self-centered? is that a little weaker? i think selfish has a strong negative connotation? well, sometimes it's okay to be self-centered. people have feelings, people have only one life, people have a right to be happy in that one life. but people also have the responsibility to think about the repercussions their own happiness may have. and if avoiding a certain kind of relation may prevent another's pain, perhaps its necessary.
the interracial relationship or love is not what causes pain. The ones who should be thinking about hurting other people with their actions are the people who don't accept them. the LACK of love.
expo1970 wrote:MYTHREL: i'm not racist. i don't think that other races are lesser than mine. people influenced by the west love to whip out the phrase 'you're racist' towards everything, thinking it's the ultimate card that defeats all arguments. just because i am hesitant towards interracial marriages doesn't make me racist. neither does not being tolerate of other cultures make one racist either. if there is a tribe somewhere that sacrifices a virgin every year and you could not tolerate that custom, does that make you racist? no. if you are against communism, does that make you racist towards chinese, vietnam, and north korea? no.
Racism is descrimination based on race. it is not limited to believeing that one race is supperior. but you're right, being hessitant to marry interacially does not make you racist, being opposed to it, and not considering it as a posibility whatsoever simply because of the race issue, is by definition descrimination by race. not being able to tolerate other cultures, is debateable in those extreme examples, but what would be racist is nor respecting those people as people. Overgeneralizing is also often times seen as racist, beign against communism doesn't make you against china, vietnam and north korea, because not all of those PEOPLE belive in communism.

personnally, I'm not fond of the word racist either. It's just as prejudiced to call someone racist because they have a controvercial opinion. Heck, you can even argue quite successfully that everyone's a little bit racist sometimes.
expo1970 wrote:finally, i'm not pushing my views upon anyone. i'd just like people to understand that there are many people who think like me and we're not hurting anyone by having these opinions. i'm just not an idealist when it comes to risking my child's future. i'd be willing to sacrifice my life for causes but not others. also, if you have the will and strength to MAKE it work, YOU CAN. i just don't think i'm that strong of a person. just please don't scorn people who aren't strong like me.
See that's the thing, I'm trying to understand your point of view also, and would like for you to understand mine, and many others. And, I mean no offence by this at all, but it's foolish to say that having your opinions does not hurt anyone. How would you like it if I questioned your morals for loving who you love? if I called you an Idealist and said you were risking your childs happyness for your own? If I compared your views to communism? to sacrificing virgins? having those opinions about halfs not being accepted is what makes halfs not accepted.

Sorry if I sound mean, but I feel very passionately about this particular issue. I apologize if I've caused any offense.
"They say that the nail that sticks out will be hammered down. Well I'm the nail that broke the hammer."

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Post by doc_tomoe » Jan 22nd, '06, 15:31

if you are against "interracial" mixing or whatever you call it.. you surely are a racist. i'm not saying "you are wrong" or something..
But a racist is somebody who makes differences between different looking poeple (or people from different countries or something like that).
In my point of view that's completely rediculous ..
What are that so called logical reasons huh ? Will the universe explode or something ?
Will your god hate you ?
I don't think so.
If any poeple hate you because of it, they're just racists.
Hey my grandparents were also racists.. that doesn't mean i don't like em anymore. I think they were racists, because their folks always told em to be racists.. Well, i mean they lived in a world where racism was "the right thing". They just didn't know people from other "races", so they feared em for no reason...
Man if i wanna date a girl from Venus, i'll just do it ...

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Post by expo1970 » Jan 22nd, '06, 16:52

sigh, I'm not going to argue further, but i'm going to retort to the insinuations people have made against me.

i'm not racist. I don't treat people of other ethnicities as lesser than mine. I do treat people of different ethnicities differently as is natural (defining racism to mean that would define the word racist too broadly and would make the word valueless). What is important is that people treat different ethnicities with the same respect and understanding. I respect all cultures whether I tolerate them or not.

I am not being racist by not chosing to marry someone of a different ethnicity or nationality. I may eventually love someone of a different nationality to a point that I would want to marry them. But no matter how pure my feelings are towards that person, I would try to calm myself down and give it up. My respect for her culture will not change. I am not making this decision because OF her culture. It's because of the difference. It's a big gap that I'm not capable of jumping. And when I think of what my child may have to encounter, I am afraid. I want my child to have ONE country and ONE culture that he can cherish with all his heart. It's not because I think less of "muddled blood" or anything. I treat halfs with equal respect and with reverence for those who have overcome the problems and developed into strong individuals. I will not argue to tell others to not have interracial marriages. I have never done this in this thread. As I have said from the very first post, please, do not yell and scream at people like me who are too afraid (for legitimate reasons) to have interracial relations. I respect your beliefs please respect mine, that's all I ask for? Isn't being able to do this what it REALLY means to not be racist?

and the person who said something like "don't marry a nxxxxx but you can fxxk a nxxxxx all you want" that's terrible. I think that's a lot more racist than anything I said.
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Post by Calcifer » Jan 22nd, '06, 17:24

The fact that there are so many people speaking against expo1970's posts means something great about the people in this community. But I don't think all the points made by expo are ridiculous; they're just not good arguments against mixed relationships, specifically. There is truth in those posts, and as satisfying as it is to reply with the morally right, openminded, gallant ideal against them, everyone knows of real-world manifestations of what was said. I know of many, and this is coming from a self-claimed world's melting pot country, too. It may be even worse for people who don't have the luxury of living in a racially diverse area. This is not a judgment on anyone, or saying that expo's reasons are excuses to be close-minded, but it is a statement of fact. It means we've got work to do as a society and as a global community.

Knowing there will be differences to face in interracial dating doesn't make you racist. That makes you realistic. You're not putting other people down, or not giving them a chance. As many people have already posted, there are differences to be faced in any relationship; coming from different cultures can make those differences even more sharply contrasted. Knowing and accepting this will make you more able to overcome them.

I am all for interracial dating, but that is just my point of view, in my set of circumstances. That doesn't make me absolutely right. In the end, love should and does go far beyond the physical. People will date and love who they will. There are countless stories in many cultures about people going against the expectations of society for love. Not all of them are happy endings (I personally know of at least one relationship where the difference in culture caused the breakup), but I believe we'll see more and more happily ever afters.

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Post by miriko » Jan 22nd, '06, 18:26

Just a small reply....

EXPO, I understand where you are coming from because I married a Japanese... But racism is just that! I am not saying YOU are a racist, but have you ever looked at the KKK`s site? They advocate just the same thing... They don't say that any race is bad, they just say they want to keep their race pure and free from mixing. They say people have to be proud of their race (and that's a great thing, until it leads to an extent where people believe in the supremacy of their race).

My husband is Japanese and if you would hear the comments his family makes about Chinese and Korean people, it brings me to shame. The Japanese in my opinion (this is simply MY opinion) do have a slight supremacist thought problem. I think his parents aren't against me cause I`m a great deal more palatable to them than his past Korean girlfriend and even his Japanese girlfriend who was from Okinawa...

I invite you to look at the KKK`s website: www.kkk.com

and see if messages like:

Love the Diversity of God's Creation

Practice Racial Integrity

Don't Race Mix

Imagine the world with only one race - only one culture - Is that really what you want?

...Because that WILL be the End result

Think about it!

ARE really all that different from the comments that you have made... Its very easy to say that one s not a racist because they accept everyone, but you have to look further to unveil racism these days, because its not always as obvious is it should be.

The KKK ARE a racist organization, they have just decided to put a more socially acceptable spin on their HATE :whistling:
Doing research....

If you havesome time for an interview PM me... It would really help me out:)

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Post by MaiMunky » Jan 22nd, '06, 19:14

expo1970 wrote:sigh, I'm not going to argue further, but i'm going to retort to the insinuations people have made against me.

i'm not racist. I don't treat people of other ethnicities as lesser than mine. I do treat people of different ethnicities differently as is natural (defining racism to mean that would define the word racist too broadly and would make the word valueless). What is important is that people treat different ethnicities with the same respect and understanding. I respect all cultures whether I tolerate them or not.

I am not being racist by not chosing to marry someone of a different ethnicity or nationality. I may eventually love someone of a different nationality to a point that I would want to marry them. But no matter how pure my feelings are towards that person, I would try to calm myself down and give it up. My respect for her culture will not change. I am not making this decision because OF her culture. It's because of the difference. It's a big gap that I'm not capable of jumping. And when I think of what my child may have to encounter, I am afraid. I want my child to have ONE country and ONE culture that he can cherish with all his heart. It's not because I think less of "muddled blood" or anything. I treat halfs with equal respect and with reverence for those who have overcome the problems and developed into strong individuals. I will not argue to tell others to not have interracial marriages. I have never done this in this thread. As I have said from the very first post, please, do not yell and scream at people like me who are too afraid (for legitimate reasons) to have interracial relations. I respect your beliefs please respect mine, that's all I ask for? Isn't being able to do this what it REALLY means to not be racist?

and the person who said something like "don't marry a nxxxxx but you can fxxk a nxxxxx all you want" that's terrible. I think that's a lot more racist than anything I said.

I wasn't agreeing or disagreeing with your post, I was just simply replying to your post on what my thoughts are. I didn't mean for it to seem like me criticizing your opinion or anything. Hope you understand, since I said before "everyone is entitled to their opinion." There is no right or wrong in this same with the other subjects that I had listed like religion and etc.
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Post by fengyun » Jan 22nd, '06, 19:49

here's a joke don't take it personally!!
some names:

indian + jewish = hinjews

fillipins + holland = hollopinos

cuba + ice land = little ice cubes

french + greek = freak

nikochanr3
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Joined: Apr 22nd, '05, 02:48
Location: NY

Post by nikochanr3 » Jan 22nd, '06, 20:03

im puerto rican (american) and my wife is japanese and to me the question "what is your views on interracial dating" is ludicrous at least in terms of IS IT OK OR NOT because if you are not past that point yet in 2006, you really should go back and check things out.

there are of course differences due to culture, but its not much different than those if i would have married a puerto rican girl that game from there and was deeply entrenched in the traditions there and me, who is so americanized to not even have knowledge of them.

The remainder of the barrier to interracial is mental, that person looks different, therefore is different.

My take, ENJOY and if your partner is very different, be prepared to be flexible. If you can't, find a partner who is not so different. I have a friend who is married to a black man (she is chinese) and they are sickenly the same personaility wise, what they like, how they talk, their political views. I feel like smacking them. :lol My point is the racial divide is often not the biggest one....

maybe my viewpoint is skewed cause i live in ny, and you only need to walk 5 feet to find so many different kinds of people.

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Rupugus
Posts: 48
Joined: Dec 23rd, '05, 03:30
Location: middle of nowhere, FL, USA

Post by Rupugus » Jan 24th, '06, 02:43

Coincidence is a funny thing, today one of my professors (ethics) was talking about this same thing, and he gave out this handout.
Genetics and the Meaning of Race

When the sequencing of the human genome was completed in 2000, it was heralded as evidence that race was a cultural construction with little base in science. The sequencing apparently shows that approximately 99.9% of the human genome is the same in everybody, and that there is greater genetic variation within each race than there is between races.

According to Dr Craig Venter of Celera Genomics, one of the organizations involved in the sequencing, the level of genetic similarity shows that: "Race is a social concept, not a scientific one." There is only one race, Dr Venter and other scientists at the National Institutes of Health have unanimously declared: the human race.

Dr Harold Freemen of the North General Hospital in Manhattan told the New York Times that only about 0.01% of our genes are responsible for our external appearance, on which we base our racial categorizations. The humans brain is finely attuned to recognize differences in appearance to facilitate differentiating between individuals. We therefore place great emphasis on appearance. But these differences in appearance translate into only tiny differences in our genetic make-up.

Many scientists and academics believe that this new information challenges the legitimacy of racial categorizations and shows that race is a meaningless notion. In 1997 the American Anthropological Association, which has published an official statement on race, urged the government to cease using racial categories.

Other writers, such as Professor Joseph Graves, author of "The Emperor's New Clothes: Biological theories of race at the Millennium," have questioned the value of racial categories in medicine. However, not everyone agrees with this statement. Some researchers continue to see racial classifications as scientifically useful, while others, such as surgeon general Dr David Satcher, believe that the evidence correlating race with health disparities in America warrants the continued use of the categories.
source

just thought I'd share.
"They say that the nail that sticks out will be hammered down. Well I'm the nail that broke the hammer."

Galan
Posts: 8
Joined: Dec 8th, '05, 18:13
Location: The semi-frozen wasteland that is Ohio

Post by Galan » Jan 24th, '06, 03:05

Rupugus wrote:Coincidence is a funny thing, today one of my professors (ethics) was talking about this same thing, and he gave out this handout.
Genetics and the Meaning of Race

When the sequencing of the human genome was completed in 2000, it was heralded as evidence that race was a cultural construction with little base in science. The sequencing apparently shows that approximately 99.9% of the human genome is the same in everybody, and that there is greater genetic variation within each race than there is between races.

According to Dr Craig Venter of Celera Genomics, one of the organizations involved in the sequencing, the level of genetic similarity shows that: "Race is a social concept, not a scientific one." There is only one race, Dr Venter and other scientists at the National Institutes of Health have unanimously declared: the human race.

Dr Harold Freemen of the North General Hospital in Manhattan told the New York Times that only about 0.01% of our genes are responsible for our external appearance, on which we base our racial categorizations. The humans brain is finely attuned to recognize differences in appearance to facilitate differentiating between individuals. We therefore place great emphasis on appearance. But these differences in appearance translate into only tiny differences in our genetic make-up.

Many scientists and academics believe that this new information challenges the legitimacy of racial categorizations and shows that race is a meaningless notion. In 1997 the American Anthropological Association, which has published an official statement on race, urged the government to cease using racial categories.

Other writers, such as Professor Joseph Graves, author of "The Emperor's New Clothes: Biological theories of race at the Millennium," have questioned the value of racial categories in medicine. However, not everyone agrees with this statement. Some researchers continue to see racial classifications as scientifically useful, while others, such as surgeon general Dr David Satcher, believe that the evidence correlating race with health disparities in America warrants the continued use of the categories.
source

just thought I'd share.
Thank you for pointing that out. In our times, race is often regarded as the expression of genetic characteristics, rather than some category of humanity. When we say we are talking about "race," what we really mean, at least I think, is that we are talking about cultures. (As an aside, this is often true about sex, but then you get into the differentiation between sex and gender.)

Being in an interracial relationship or being a mixed race child--as my cousin is--can be difficult, but that's all because of the prevailing culture. The wonderful *please note blatant sarcasm* Midwestern United States culture has decided that being part black and part white is something that should not be celebrated. All that means is that the culture needs to change. Saying that mixed race unions should be avoided because of that possibility is idiotic. The discrimination is based on something that will hopefully fade away as more people realize that what they've been spoonfed from the cradle up isn't true.

Rakkie
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 27th, '04, 22:10
Location: Melbourne

Post by Rakkie » Jan 24th, '06, 06:36

Just read the whole thread. As expected in a english-speaking forum dedicated to asian dramas the vast majority of people seem to be for interracial dating. I don't think that d-addicts is representative of the general population at large unfortunately.

A lot of people seem to be confusing cultural gaps with racial differences. Sure, there is usually a fair amount of overlap and it is interesting too, but maybe a separate thread should be dedicated to it.

Here are some reasons why it might be okay to be against (at least some forms of) interracial dating:

* interracial couples who use their relationship to make them feel morally superior to others. like people who will go out of their way to let you know how much better it is dating someone of a different race.

* purely practical reasons against interracial dating. say you are a dark-skinned nomad living in the sahara desert. it may not be practical for you to marry a white girl if she was going to get sunburnt each day due to the extreme heat there. yeah, lame example, but i'm sure someone can come up with a better one where racial differences have a practical purpose.

* people who date interracially to improve their own social standing. some girls i met in China would go out with white guys simply because it impressed their friends.

* you might not be physically attracted to other races. since you don't really have conscious control over what you are physically attracted to or not, this is not the same as racism (although some people might consider you shallow). as long as you don't force others to adopt these values, i think this is a valid reason not to date interracially.

For the record, I do date interracially, i just don't think it is as clear cut as most people here seem too.

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