SINGLES RANTING THREAD (Dating Advice)

The real life drama forum. Discuss your relationships or get to know the other members here.
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movieaddict
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Post by movieaddict » Apr 22nd, '06, 07:27

Jeremiah wrote:I'm back from the dead.

My relationship with rc was in stall but got a boost a bit lately. We talked pretty much now, well, text message etc. Since she stressed a lot because of her exams, I told her that if she need somebody to talk too, I'm here. She answered that it's nice and thanked me. Then she said that I might take her for a fool etc then I just did it.. yeah.. I confessed.. in a strange way.. huh and she change the convo immediately in a funny way. Crazy!!
I'm glad someone is progressing... :-) Good For You!!! Keep at it...

sokiie
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Post by sokiie » Apr 22nd, '06, 23:22

eileithyia I'm not evil :whistling: ...I was just planning ahead... :idea: lol
I hope he finds a gf too, one that is NOT me...

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horndogbuddhist
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Post by horndogbuddhist » Apr 23rd, '06, 02:51

I'm curious...for those of you who are raised tradtionally and are Chinese...what happens when you hit your 30s and still aren't married....For me I'm almost 30 (going on 28 next month), am Chinese, but raised by American parents; therefore, am considered American...what is a guy to do when he's at his 30s and still not married?

LYF7anatic
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Post by LYF7anatic » Apr 23rd, '06, 03:23

horndogbuddhist wrote:...what is a guy to do when he's at his 30s and still not married?
For Asian parents, they usually consider finding a wife in their native country for their son. I have few guy friends who were between 25 and 30 yrs old that went that route and they seem to be :D. I think your American parents would support you... :thumright:

blueballoon
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Post by blueballoon » Apr 23rd, '06, 16:46

Hey you guys. I somewhat have a problem. I don't know what's wrong with me but when it comes to guys I put up this wall. I tend to be really sarcastic and ego-busting. I've only had one boyfriend in my lifetime and I find no interest in any guys I meet. I'm really picky and critical of people and I hate that about myself. What should I do?

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » Apr 23rd, '06, 18:22

Welcome blueballoon, I think we all build a wall around ourselves some just build bigger walls than others. Being picky isn't a bad thing you just know what you want. If by critical of people you mean you always look for the faults? Do you know why you are doing this? Try looking at the positive aspects of people. Being sarcastic isn't such a bad thing or ego busting sometimes some people need it lol. Just try and look for a guy that interests you or think about what you are looking for in a man. It all boils down to if you can stand being around each other for a long time LOL.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by blueballoon » Apr 23rd, '06, 19:28

It's kind of weird, but I don't know if I can stand being with anyone. I'm really independent and I like doing things my way. I also don't like giving up my time. I don't really look for faults but if there is something there I'll acknowledge it haha. I also don't like the whole "being with eachother" all the time kinda deal. I get bored fast as well. I'm not a big fan of affection either. Oh man, I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life. Haha.

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Valcun
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Post by Valcun » Apr 25th, '06, 01:23

@blueballoon,

Haha,

You should see me :P I'm really good at breaking walls. Though people mis-interpret it as being a player ;)

-Valcun
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x_XJules
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Post by x_XJules » Apr 25th, '06, 06:15

blueballoon wrote:It's kind of weird, but I don't know if I can stand being with anyone. I'm really independent and I like doing things my way. I also don't like giving up my time. I don't really look for faults but if there is something there I'll acknowledge it haha. I also don't like the whole "being with eachother" all the time kinda deal. I get bored fast as well. I'm not a big fan of affection either. Oh man, I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life. Haha.
:lol :lol :lol

wow, you sound exactly like me. i have the exact same problem. LoL. i'll get tired of being lonely so i'll "try" dating someone, but i always get bored.. quickly. i also don't like giving up time, or being with them 24/7. i'm a pretty nice person.. but when it comes to dating someone i can be pretty critical and i'll have high standards. it took me a long time to even realize why i had so much trouble dating people.

i am actually currently in a relationship, a long-distance relationship.. but one nevertheless. (i met him in person while visiting my friend in california). things are going really well.. and i think part of the reason is that he's so far away so he can't really be clingy. and i'm not around to really notice all his faults at the moment. i'm definitely really worried once i go back to cali that i'll get bored of him like everyone else... but i figure by the time i'll make it to cali, i'll have already been attached to him.

so my advice.. is to keep working on your problems. you may have to go through a few relationships (or flings) to finally adjust in a sense.. but definitely don't lower your standards (or at least too much). dating icky people will definitely just turn you off more.

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Kae
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Post by Kae » Apr 25th, '06, 06:31

blueballoon wrote:It's kind of weird, but I don't know if I can stand being with anyone. I'm really independent and I like doing things my way. I also don't like giving up my time. I don't really look for faults but if there is something there I'll acknowledge it haha. I also don't like the whole "being with eachother" all the time kinda deal. I get bored fast as well. I'm not a big fan of affection either. Oh man, I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life. Haha.


With me, I don't know if it's just an excuse for not wanting another person finding out embarassing things about me and the like. In a perfect world, you'd find somebody who thinks the way you do and you'd think "Wow."
Recently watched/Currently watching: JIN 2, BOSS 2, Can You Hear My Heart :wub:

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wai_muna
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Post by wai_muna » Apr 25th, '06, 06:49

im being single for 6 yrs this yr...:P...the feeling is so good...being single is the best way for me to feel my day and night...being independent is the best....i think i have no problem staying alone...its weird too.:D my friend just dont understand how i can have this thinking...hehhehehe...single life allowed me to do the thing i want to do...i dont have think about anybody except my self...

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Valcun
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Post by Valcun » Apr 25th, '06, 08:55

@everyone,

You guys should watch Yellow Fever, I believe there is a post on that in life and relationships. But yeah to eveyrone on the dating scene, It is so true!!. All the Asian girls are being taken by White guys. Its like a chain.

Asian Girl, 1st) Black Guy 2nd) White guy 3rd) Asian guy. its ridiculous. The white guy beats the Asian guy and the black guy is beats the white guy. But my analysis of it is Society. Right now in America, rap and hiphop and "g unit" blah blah is whats popular and "hip" and favors black people (not to be racist). Just like 5 years ago, boy bands. White guys were probably with most of the asian girls. So thats why it works like that in my generalized analysis.

But its okay, if you had special training like I have recieved. You beat em all! Mwahahahah :D. I still remember one of these Asian girls I was talking to. Some black guy was trying to mack on her and try steal her away from me (I just met her too, so I wasn't really with her). But I just use a lil this and that and PRESTO. She had her arm around me and i was out the door with her. Too bad I felt no real connection w/ her. So me and her are just friends. But if you understand why things happen the way they do. You understand the secret on how they happen and what makes them happen. This is knowledge you can definately use it in the Dating Game. I do :D

ps: The girl at the end of the video was, a 8/10. Would of still flirted w/ her :cheers:

- Valcun
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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » Apr 25th, '06, 16:28

wai_muna wrote:im being single for 6 yrs this yr...:P...the feeling is so good...being single is the best way for me to feel my day and night...being independent is the best....i think i have no problem staying alone...its weird too.:D my friend just dont understand how i can have this thinking...hehhehehe...single life allowed me to do the thing i want to do...i dont have think about anybody except my self...
For some people it just works. I have been single now for 6 years going on 7 in a few more months lol (its sad I remember what month and day we broke up). Most of those years I stayed single for my own reasons and was happy, but not anymore lol. The feeling of being in loved and being loved is too nice to wish away to me. To each their own though, if you are happy then why not XD

:waves to Jules: :salut:
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

movieaddict
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Post by movieaddict » Apr 26th, '06, 04:36

Hi Everyone!!

I have a problem! Need advice! I decided to go out to a formal with the girl who asked me but I asked two people for advice on this...First advice by a friend of mine is to make it clear that we are going as friends...Second advice is don't assume anything until she says that she likes you...I kinda get the feeling she likes me but I don't want to look like a fool...Your take?? (i want to go and have fun without any implications)
Last edited by movieaddict on Apr 26th, '06, 12:01, edited 1 time in total.

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wai_muna
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Post by wai_muna » Apr 26th, '06, 07:33

im happy now...hehehe...but i dont know what happen in the future...:D

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » Apr 26th, '06, 16:06

movieaddict wrote:Hi Everyone!!

I have a problem! Need advice! I decided to go out to a formal with the girl who asked me but I asked two people for advice on this...First advice by a friend of mine is to make it clear that we are going as friends...Second advice is don't assume anything until she says that she likes you...I kinda get the feeling she likes me but I don't want to look like a fool...Your take?? (i want to go and have fun without any implications)
I think they both have valid points. If you tell her before the dance it will be awkward but you won't have to worry about her getting attached. The second ones advice works too, depending on how comfertable you feel about the situation you can tell her anytime. As long as she gets that you don't want to be with her in that way.

Ya wai_muna, thats true hehe. I was happy for many years, being single is defiently a lot less complicated thats for sure lol. As long as you are happy thats what counts.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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horndogbuddhist
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Post by horndogbuddhist » Apr 26th, '06, 16:18

@ movieaddict...

what I would do is just take her out as if it is just a formal...take it as nothing really special..yea sure you'll dance close..but just make sure that you don't interpret anything more than just 2 people going on a formal together unless she expresses an interest as Mythrel stated

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Buck
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Post by Buck » Apr 28th, '06, 01:36

@ movieaddict

well the only thing I can tell you about going on a date is to NOT panic at all. Just keep yourself calm and go with the flow. To me, there is no "real" advice for dating. Well you still gotta act like a gentlemen and be nice funny and all but if you and her really "click" then everything will work out well. Just don't worry and don't stress yourself over it; the more you do the worse it'll get. If you FEEEEEEEEEL that she likes you, then just start talking about personal things like your childhood/life or whatever. Just don't make it boring..

movieaddict
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Post by movieaddict » Apr 29th, '06, 16:42

hey,

thanks guys...uhh buck, i think u didnt read the whole context of my post, i don't like her in that way, jus wantd to go to a formal and enjoy it...well the formal went alright, it was enjoyable...i reserved myself and tried hard not to give any wrong signs. so, i think there's nothing between us so its all good now...i was a lil less excited about it and i couldn't say i had fun but i enjoyed my time there, jus wishd more of my guy friends were there, it woulda been more fun but o well...wat kept me going was the alchohol, i dunno how i woulda manage w/o it there lol :lol ...but ya, i could never see myself with her and i think its the same way with her cuz we are just different people/personalities/our friends/taste in music/maturity level and i think she knows that too...

P.S. hopefully, the next time i go to a formal would be with the person i like ... :-)

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x_XJules
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Post by x_XJules » Apr 30th, '06, 07:14

Hey F4 + Amy!!! :-)

how's everyone doing?

I'm so busy with work and school -__-;;. i don't get to watch dramas often. so sad...

but i miss talking to you guys lots (as i've posted many times before). take good care of yourselves, and richie.. keep giving good advice to these new kids. (LoL, you too amy!! hahaha, i have a lot of responses in my head to the posts recently but you actually say them for me! you've mastered being honest and not quite rude. :D )

anyway, let me know if anything new is going on with any of you.

and to the not-so-new-kids anymore best of luck!!!

take care everyone!!

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Post by Xi@h » May 1st, '06, 07:16

Julie I keep thinking that you're not busy with either work & school. It is just Stan that keeps you busy all day long :P

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pwner4once
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Post by pwner4once » May 2nd, '06, 01:27

hm just dropping by to say hello. just for your info. im not dead yet

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x_XJules
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Post by x_XJules » May 2nd, '06, 06:04

:lol

hehe, maybe it's a little bit of stan :wink:

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x_XJules
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Post by x_XJules » May 9th, '06, 23:13

もし もし?

where is everyone?

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 9th, '06, 23:27

I'm assuming space! :lol those lucky bastards! hehe
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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x_XJules
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Post by x_XJules » May 9th, '06, 23:35

Mythrel wrote:I'm assuming space! :lol those lucky bastards! hehe
Richie!! wow, i can't believe everyone dissappeared at once. how often does this happen? LoL, i'm home sick today :pale: so i totally check up on d-addicts and like nothing has changed... not much to post about these days i suppose.

or download... when's the new season start?

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 10th, '06, 00:28

*hands Julie some chicken noodle soup* :D

That sucks you could be in school learning more japanese sheesh! XD I dunno where everyone is I seriously think its space and I wasn't invited :( Oh well they will probably come back with crazy stories so it will work itself out.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by Xi@h » May 11th, '06, 03:21

Latest news, the F4 has vanished into the fine air ;) Nah really, been busy lately. So how's everyone doing? Including Mr. Stan :P

qilver
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Post by qilver » May 11th, '06, 16:51

horndogbuddhist wrote:I'm curious...for those of you who are raised tradtionally and are Chinese...what happens when you hit your 30s and still aren't married....For me I'm almost 30 (going on 28 next month), am Chinese, but raised by American parents; therefore, am considered American...what is a guy to do when he's at his 30s and still not married?
well, i can speak from a thirtysomething, life does continue....

what does one do when they hit over thirty, still single, and ....well assuming you are working, have some career down, unlike myself....
oh, and i am american born chinese, raised all my life here in America...

there is always hope.
even in my case...i think. :scratch:

anyways, pressure from relatives...like "How come you are not married yet???", well from my parents...it is about job/career, but once i land something, it will resort eventually to....."have you met a nice girl yet?, you should think of getting married soon".

nikochanr3
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Post by nikochanr3 » May 11th, '06, 17:27

When a guy is still in his 30's and is not married, what he should do is date often and try to find someone that may potentially be worth marrying at some point. :mrgreen: LIfe is easy that way. Basically, to make your family happy, you will be forced to go through many different woman until you meet the perfect one.

What a terrible place to be. :lol

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horndogbuddhist
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Post by horndogbuddhist » May 11th, '06, 17:31

nikochanr3 wrote:When a guy is still in his 30's and is not married, what he should do is date often and try to find someone that may potentially be worth marrying at some point. :mrgreen: LIfe is easy that way. Basically, to make your family happy, you will be forced to go through many different woman until you meet the perfect one.

What a terrible place to be. :lol
Yes Yes it is horrible to be near your 30s and not married yet...but I think that I've had a late start on life and my career...however I have my own issues to deal with (as everyone also does too...) especially when it comes to money...that is what broke up my last potential lasting relationship...I would never have the money to buy the things that she wanted, nor get her what she deserved...never thought it would be an issue until she spoke of the ring.
Check me out at www.myspace.com/horndogbuddhist OR www.cyworld.com/ (name wujiaqi0514)

Genmai_cha
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Post by Genmai_cha » May 11th, '06, 17:49

I'm in my very last leg in the 20's here... and still strongly single... which I don't mind. I find girls here and there but nothing is for keep. It is really easy to find a gf but it is a lot harder to keep one. =/

@nikochanr3
not every guy have the ablity to 'date' more often and usual 'date' sounds a little too formal for me. i only see it as going out to eat or a place to hang out.

@qilver
you should go out more... encourge your friends to bring out the girls keeping your options free. do your task of networking first before you make any more. The bigger your network the better...
:argue:

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Post by Genmai_cha » May 11th, '06, 17:50

horndogbuddhist wrote: Yes Yes it is horrible to be near your 30s and not married yet...but I think that I've had a late start on life and my career...however I have my own issues to deal with (as everyone also does too...) especially when it comes to money...that is what broke up my last potential lasting relationship...I would never have the money to buy the things that she wanted, nor get her what she deserved...never thought it would be an issue until she spoke of the ring.
If it was me I'll just buy her a lifesaver... :whistling:
Heck its the thought that counts right? :cheers:
:argue:

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Post by qilver » May 11th, '06, 18:12

Genmai_cha wrote:I'm in my very last leg in the 20's here... and still strongly single... which I don't mind. I find girls here and there but nothing is for keep. It is really easy to find a gf but it is a lot harder to keep one. =/

@nikochanr3
not every guy have the ablity to 'date' more often and usual 'date' sounds a little too formal for me. i only see it as going out to eat or a place to hang out.

@qilver
you should go out more... encourge your friends to bring out the girls keeping your options free. do your task of networking first before you make any more. The bigger your network the better...
thanks for the encouragement and advice...
i really need to make a new start and build a new community. It was tough for me, starting over and from my last relationship.

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Post by qilver » May 11th, '06, 18:23

horndogbuddhist wrote:
nikochanr3 wrote:When a guy is still in his 30's and is not married, what he should do is date often and try to find someone that may potentially be worth marrying at some point. :mrgreen: LIfe is easy that way. Basically, to make your family happy, you will be forced to go through many different woman until you meet the perfect one.

What a terrible place to be. :lol
Yes Yes it is horrible to be near your 30s and not married yet...but I think that I've had a late start on life and my career...however I have my own issues to deal with (as everyone also does too...) especially when it comes to money...that is what broke up my last potential lasting relationship...I would never have the money to buy the things that she wanted, nor get her what she deserved...never thought it would be an issue until she spoke of the ring.
yeah, it can be bad, approaching mid-30's, you have some years before you hit the mid-30's. I often think about what marriage is, and if i can seriously support a family....and right now that seems impossible, but i eventually want to get back into the dating scene.
I think i can relate to your situation, and having been through a long term relationship and ultimately a breakup after 5 years, i don't consider it a bad breakup at all....just one of those things, you have to decide what is best, and to end it was the best decision, but painful.
I think it is one thing to date, and have the opportunity and ability to do so, and being employed during the entire process, for me it has been a challange, struggling to find a job, the job market is so damn slow, anyways....I really think you are in a better position to start dating a new girl soon, and networking always helps.

regarding that ex-gf of yours, sure a girl wants security, financial stability, etc..............................., but it could have been one contributor that led to your breakup with her. She wanted a ring, and was very anxious to settle down, mid to late 20's, is a period where a woman wants to take the next step. We, as guys, want to provide for them, and if we feel unable or not sure, it holds us back. I think in my case, i had a very valid reason and it hurt my confidence. Not having a stable savings and without a secure job status, i have put the dating on the backburner and focused my attention on trying to jumpstart my stagnant and stale career, which has been frustrating. I am hoping that things will start to change for the better and that someday i will meet a nice girl to date again, cause i damn well miss the dating scene....
I think there are a lot of types of girls out there, and best to avoid the emotionally very unstable ones, and ones that are very materialistic/demanding types, but there are good ones and more suitable ones out there.

i have a question: what kind of girl were you with? she wanted a lot of things to make her happy? a RING? how much is enough? how much?, my ex-gf wasn't so much into that, but wasn't really expressive in her feeliings all that much, but the main thing, is are you happy with yourself, is she happy with herself, and together as a couple. I can analyze this over and over, as i have lots of relationship experience, but i'll give it a rest for now...... :argue: :whistling: :mrgreen:

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horndogbuddhist
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Post by horndogbuddhist » May 11th, '06, 19:42

@ quilver

she's vietnese...while I'm chinese....I loved the fact that I liked her and wanted to spend time with all of her 4-10 (approx. 1.8 m) of her....there is a whole back story of the ring but let's just say that I am studying to be a teacher and she's a pharmacy tech right now....she wanted a "4 carot" ring much to my dismay

unfortuantly I didn't realize how important she is AND how badly I blew the whole ring situation out of of the water by my reaction until it was way too late...(it's such a long story and besides I don't think anyone really wants to hear it) THE point being is that I am now trying to be her friend still and even though it's hard care for her although discretly keep up with her progress (you know see if she's ok and not stressing out with exams and such
Last edited by horndogbuddhist on May 11th, '06, 19:43, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by nikochanr3 » May 11th, '06, 19:42

Genmai_cha wrote:I'm in my very last leg in the 20's here... and still strongly single... which I don't mind. I find girls here and there but nothing is for keep. It is really easy to find a gf but it is a lot harder to keep one. =/

@nikochanr3
not every guy have the ablity to 'date' more often and usual 'date' sounds a little too formal for me. i only see it as going out to eat or a place to hang out.

@qilver
you should go out more... encourge your friends to bring out the girls keeping your options free. do your task of networking first before you make any more. The bigger your network the better...
ill tell ya something cause you dont know me, but interpersonal contact makes me nervous. i worry people like me, people don't. So i spent a lot of time growing up alone, cause alone is easier until at some point i decided i dont want to be alone.

theres always chances to meet people. there are bars for singles. its not bad to go, cause the girls are there to meet people too. i like bookstores myself too. i've met nice girls in bookstores. OR if you really don't like it, use a dating site. its not a horrible thing. To me, saying theres just not that much chance is an excuse.

Don't try to keep a gf just to keep her. Im a big proponent of things just happening. at some point, the TROUBLE KEEPING will become TROUBLE GETTING RID OF. :P Anyway, i hope you dont think im being flippant. Good luck finding that special someone. :wub: I found my special someone on an internet message board btw.

qilver
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Joined: Aug 30th, '05, 18:54
Location: Southern California

Post by qilver » May 11th, '06, 20:41

horndogbuddhist wrote:@ quilver

she's vietnese...while I'm chinese....I loved the fact that I liked her and wanted to spend time with all of her 4-10 (approx. 1.8 m) of her....there is a whole back story of the ring but let's just say that I am studying to be a teacher and she's a pharmacy tech right now....she wanted a "4 carot" ring much to my dismay

unfortuantly I didn't realize how important she is AND how badly I blew the whole ring situation out of of the water by my reaction until it was way too late...(it's such a long story and besides I don't think anyone really wants to hear it) THE point being is that I am now trying to be her friend still and even though it's hard care for her although discretly keep up with her progress (you know see if she's ok and not stressing out with exams and such
please continue with your story, there are people out there, that could offer some feedback...and are open to hearing it.

first off, when i read this....she wanted to be a pharmacist and you a Teacher....
as long is it never bothered you in anyway, that was good, but if she was insecure by it, and demanded more from you, those are red flags..and the fact that she wanted a 4 carot diamond ring...., i am sorry but that is over the top, and you had every right to feel and say what you did to her... Where you the one who broke it up in the first place?
dude, if my ex-gf demanded stuff like that, i would be direct with her, and tell it like it is...to me anything above 1.5 to 2 carot is way over the top....
she is just thinking of herself when she wants a ring, demands a ring, esp. of that LARGE..., The ring is symbolic, of commitment and something girls like to show off to their friends/family....and it makes them feel important and good, on the outside...
what truly matters is, how she feels about you and the entire relationship...
a ring is just something that is part of relationships, engagement, marriage, whatever the hell that all means....**sarcasm**, anyhow...if you can get beyound that and look at yourself, you did what was right at the time. There is a long story to your breakup, and you have your reasons, and stuck by them, and it was for the better....i think some regret is natural...
another thing, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean, etc....being all asian, i think it matters somewhat less, but i think it could affect and bother some traditional, strict asian families on dating outside the inner racial community.....for me and my family, it is all good, and they gladly are open to the girl's background race.

4'10", that is quite short for a girl, although asian girls tend to be more petite...my ex-gf was barely 5'1", and i was almost 1 foot taller at nearly 6'. Another interesting thing is that I still have somewhat of an interest to go into teaching, after doing acctng work for awhile....still thinking...

there is always a long story behind everyone, and their relationship/breakup, we all have our story to tell..... :alcoholic: :whistling:

qilver
Posts: 73
Joined: Aug 30th, '05, 18:54
Location: Southern California

Post by qilver » May 11th, '06, 20:46

nikochanr3 wrote:
Genmai_cha wrote:I'm in my very last leg in the 20's here... and still strongly single... which I don't mind. I find girls here and there but nothing is for keep. It is really easy to find a gf but it is a lot harder to keep one. =/

@nikochanr3
not every guy have the ablity to 'date' more often and usual 'date' sounds a little too formal for me. i only see it as going out to eat or a place to hang out.

@qilver
you should go out more... encourge your friends to bring out the girls keeping your options free. do your task of networking first before you make any more. The bigger your network the better...
ill tell ya something cause you dont know me, but interpersonal contact makes me nervous. i worry people like me, people don't. So i spent a lot of time growing up alone, cause alone is easier until at some point i decided i dont want to be alone.

theres always chances to meet people. there are bars for singles. its not bad to go, cause the girls are there to meet people too. i like bookstores myself too. i've met nice girls in bookstores. OR if you really don't like it, use a dating site. its not a horrible thing. To me, saying theres just not that much chance is an excuse.

Don't try to keep a gf just to keep her. Im a big proponent of things just happening. at some point, the TROUBLE KEEPING will become TROUBLE GETTING RID OF. :P Anyway, i hope you dont think im being flippant. Good luck finding that special someone. :wub: I found my special someone on an internet message board btw.
I think being alone, when away from relationships, things tend to get simplier as you only deal with your own issues and life, but after awhile that gets boring...
some people can deal with being lonely, and single...
mostly, i think people are built to be in relationships with others..

i do agree it is probably more easier for people to get into relationships, GIVEN that they have a network of people and have access to a potential community of prospects(dates), i am not sure if i fall into this category right now, i doubt it...
The harder part is to maintain a healthy balance in a relationship, and that their is a good connection and chemistry in a relationship and that it is for the right reasons to stay together and ultimately marry someday....that is the goal isn't it? otherwise people would date to screw around and just date without any true commitment.

User avatar
horndogbuddhist
Posts: 246
Joined: Dec 11th, '05, 19:35
Location: USA
Contact:

Post by horndogbuddhist » May 12th, '06, 13:41

qilver wrote:
horndogbuddhist wrote:@ quilver

she's vietnese...while I'm chinese....I loved the fact that I liked her and wanted to spend time with all of her 4-10 (approx. 1.8 m) of her....there is a whole back story of the ring but let's just say that I am studying to be a teacher and she's a pharmacy tech right now....she wanted a "4 carot" ring much to my dismay

unfortuantly I didn't realize how important she is AND how badly I blew the whole ring situation out of of the water by my reaction until it was way too late...(it's such a long story and besides I don't think anyone really wants to hear it) THE point being is that I am now trying to be her friend still and even though it's hard care for her although discretly keep up with her progress (you know see if she's ok and not stressing out with exams and such
please continue with your story, there are people out there, that could offer some feedback...and are open to hearing it.

first off, when i read this....she wanted to be a pharmacist and you a Teacher....
as long is it never bothered you in anyway, that was good, but if she was insecure by it, and demanded more from you, those are red flags..and the fact that she wanted a 4 carot diamond ring...., i am sorry but that is over the top, and you had every right to feel and say what you did to her... Where you the one who broke it up in the first place?
dude, if my ex-gf demanded stuff like that, i would be direct with her, and tell it like it is...to me anything above 1.5 to 2 carot is way over the top....
she is just thinking of herself when she wants a ring, demands a ring, esp. of that LARGE..., The ring is symbolic, of commitment and something girls like to show off to their friends/family....and it makes them feel important and good, on the outside...
what truly matters is, how she feels about you and the entire relationship...
a ring is just something that is part of relationships, engagement, marriage, whatever the hell that all means....**sarcasm**, anyhow...if you can get beyound that and look at yourself, you did what was right at the time. There is a long story to your breakup, and you have your reasons, and stuck by them, and it was for the better....i think some regret is natural...
another thing, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean, etc....being all asian, i think it matters somewhat less, but i think it could affect and bother some traditional, strict asian families on dating outside the inner racial community.....for me and my family, it is all good, and they gladly are open to the girl's background race.

4'10", that is quite short for a girl, although asian girls tend to be more petite...my ex-gf was barely 5'1", and i was almost 1 foot taller at nearly 6'. Another interesting thing is that I still have somewhat of an interest to go into teaching, after doing acctng work for awhile....still thinking...

there is always a long story behind everyone, and their relationship/breakup, we all have our story to tell..... :alcoholic: :whistling:
oK where to start with this whole telling.............

As I have said there is a lot that I've purposely left out for the sake
of a shortened post.....some things that might make one understand my
point of view and some to understand why my relationship failed and
faltered as it did.

Ok, first off about the ring thing.....it turns out what that I've left
out was that this whole event happened during a dinner outting with my
bro and my-ex's roommate...I wasn't exactly paying attention to the
conversation (cuz I was talking to Nessa [the rommie]), but the whole
conversation turned to marriage. By that point in time, both my
relationship with the ex was fairly new and it didn't really bother me
as to the topic nor the "rules" that I would have to follow in order to
get "approval" from the father to seriously date the ex.

Unfortuantly what I didn't know was that my bro didn't like her at all,
nor did I know that he purposely wanted to destroy my relationship with
the ex because he felt that "she wasn't good enough for me/I could do
better (words from his mouth)." Therefore, my bro purposely tried to
piss off the ex by bring in the subject of money and the size of the ring
that I was "suppose" to get her. HERE IS A BIG HINT FOR YOU LADIES...want
a quick way to really drive away a guy...talk about a ring that you know
he can't afford. At the beginning of the relationship I laid it clearly
out how I felt about money and such...that it doesn't matter to me how
much money that a person makes as long as I'm doing what I want to do
in life and I am able to have a happy family...that's all that mattered.
But in reflection, I find myself really questioning whether this statement
was really true or not...YES I completely overreacted in her (the ex's)
statement about the ring. But my only self-defense is that I realized at
time was that 1. I could really spend my life with this person 2. I could
never purchase the things that she desired nor afford any of the luxeries that
most people take for granted (vacations, cruises, etc).

Much to my dismay, I have learned from this slight mistake....with this
and a few others, I have sadly learned how insecure I am when it comes to money
and all things in dealing with fianciances...Point in that I have to realize
that I will always be financially strapped, but in the end I will be doing
what I love to do...teaching....so in one way I am winning...in another way
I've lost.


There is so many other things that upon deep reflection, that both my ex and I
did wrong in our relationship...However, it still hasn't made not thank her for
the relationship...I've learned so much about women and myself that I can't
help but to thank her for it....She brough about a change in me that is a long
time past due.

SO SORRY FOR THE LONG POST
Check me out at www.myspace.com/horndogbuddhist OR www.cyworld.com/ (name wujiaqi0514)

Genmai_cha
Posts: 92
Joined: Apr 12th, '06, 18:36
Location: Bay Area, Ca

Post by Genmai_cha » May 12th, '06, 14:45


[quote="qilver & nikochanr3"][spoiler][quote="nikochanr3"][quote="Genmai_cha"]I'm in my very last leg in the 20's here... and still strongly single... which I don't mind. I find girls here and there but nothing is for keep. It is really easy to find a gf but it is a lot harder to keep one. =/

@nikochanr3
not every guy have the ablity to 'date' more often and usual 'date' sounds a little too formal for me. i only see it as going out to eat or a place to hang out.

@qilver
you should go out more... encourge your friends to bring out the girls keeping your options free. do your task of networking first before you make any more. The bigger your network the better...[/quote]

ill tell ya something cause you dont know me, but interpersonal contact makes me nervous. i worry people like me, people don't. So i spent a lot of time growing up alone, cause alone is easier until at some point i decided i dont want to be alone.

theres always chances to meet people. there are bars for singles. its not bad to go, cause the girls are there to meet people too. i like bookstores myself too. i've met nice girls in bookstores. OR if you really don't like it, use a dating site. its not a horrible thing. To me, saying theres just not that much chance is an excuse.

Don't try to keep a gf just to keep her. Im a big proponent of things just happening. at some point, the TROUBLE KEEPING will become TROUBLE GETTING RID OF. :P Anyway, i hope you dont think im being flippant. Good luck finding that special someone. :wub: I found my special someone on an internet message board btw.[/quote]

I think being alone, when away from relationships, things tend to get simplier as you only deal with your own issues and life, but after awhile that gets boring...
some people can deal with being lonely, and single...
mostly, i think people are built to be in relationships with others..

i do agree it is probably more easier for people to get into relationships, GIVEN that they have a network of people and have access to a potential community of prospects(dates), i am not sure if i fall into this category right now, i doubt it...
The harder part is to maintain a healthy balance in a relationship, and that their is a good connection and chemistry in a relationship and that it is for the right reasons to stay together and ultimately marry someday....that is the goal isn't it? otherwise people would date to screw around and just date without any true commitment.[/quote][/spoiler]
@nikochanr3
I love the girls over at the bookstore! I just can't really get their attention b/c their nose is always in the book. :lol There are places where I choose not to pick up on girls but rather just be there for for--bars and the clubs to be particular. It always hit me when I ask myself what kind of girl I want to bring home.
@qilver
I totally agreed with you about being single allows to focus on your personal things in life. You just got nothing to worry about and just do what you have to do.
I've been in a realtionship where we had the same goal but we both had different solution... that didn't work out all that well.
:argue:

qilver
Posts: 73
Joined: Aug 30th, '05, 18:54
Location: Southern California

Post by qilver » May 12th, '06, 17:22

@horndogbuddist,

in reading your text, it does sound complicated as most breakups are.
what i didn't realize is that your bro didn't like her from the start and tried to break you guys up? I think it is cool to have a bro that cares and looks after his bro, but what is it that he didn't like about her from the getgo...? how did you feel about your bro wanting you guys to break it up, and influence you. Personally if i had a bro, that did that, i would be pissed, but that's just my thinking.

it is always good to look back in retrospect(but not overly), on what missing, what went bad, and anything else that lead to the breakup, and accept what has occurred.

it sounded like your ex-gf, was more in the materialism than probably you could afford her lifestyle. That is important to notice and you did. Being a teacher, is something is a job, as we both know that doesn't pay very high, but good enough for a living. If the potential girlfriend cannot see beyond what the teaching profession is, and what you desire out of life, then you know what is best for yourself. Hopefully you can find a girl that can accept you, and your lifestyle and not have her thoughts focused only on a "ring. Personally to me, that is a turn off, when a girl is just focused on the bling bling. Because in time, the bling loses its shine. A ring is a ring, she can take it for what it is worth, and nothing more than that.

nikochanr3
Posts: 608
Joined: Apr 22nd, '05, 02:48
Location: NY

Post by nikochanr3 » May 12th, '06, 18:15

Genmai_cha wrote:
[quote="qilver & nikochanr3"][spoiler][quote="nikochanr3"][quote="Genmai_cha"]I'm in my very last leg in the 20's here... and still strongly single... which I don't mind. I find girls here and there but nothing is for keep. It is really easy to find a gf but it is a lot harder to keep one. =/

@nikochanr3
not every guy have the ablity to 'date' more often and usual 'date' sounds a little too formal for me. i only see it as going out to eat or a place to hang out.

@qilver
you should go out more... encourge your friends to bring out the girls keeping your options free. do your task of networking first before you make any more. The bigger your network the better...
ill tell ya something cause you dont know me, but interpersonal contact makes me nervous. i worry people like me, people don't. So i spent a lot of time growing up alone, cause alone is easier until at some point i decided i dont want to be alone.

theres always chances to meet people. there are bars for singles. its not bad to go, cause the girls are there to meet people too. i like bookstores myself too. i've met nice girls in bookstores. OR if you really don't like it, use a dating site. its not a horrible thing. To me, saying theres just not that much chance is an excuse.

Don't try to keep a gf just to keep her. Im a big proponent of things just happening. at some point, the TROUBLE KEEPING will become TROUBLE GETTING RID OF. :P Anyway, i hope you dont think im being flippant. Good luck finding that special someone. :wub: I found my special someone on an internet message board btw.[/quote]

I think being alone, when away from relationships, things tend to get simplier as you only deal with your own issues and life, but after awhile that gets boring...
some people can deal with being lonely, and single...
mostly, i think people are built to be in relationships with others..

i do agree it is probably more easier for people to get into relationships, GIVEN that they have a network of people and have access to a potential community of prospects(dates), i am not sure if i fall into this category right now, i doubt it...
The harder part is to maintain a healthy balance in a relationship, and that their is a good connection and chemistry in a relationship and that it is for the right reasons to stay together and ultimately marry someday....that is the goal isn't it? otherwise people would date to screw around and just date without any true commitment.[/quote][/spoiler]
@nikochanr3
I love the girls over at the bookstore! I just can't really get their attention b/c their nose is always in the book. :lol There are places where I choose not to pick up on girls but rather just be there for for--bars and the clubs to be particular. It always hit me when I ask myself what kind of girl I want to bring home.
@qilver
I totally agreed with you about being single allows to focus on your personal things in life. You just got nothing to worry about and just do what you have to do.
I've been in a realtionship where we had the same goal but we both had different solution... that didn't work out all that well.[/size][/quote]

:lol Girls at bookstores are great. You can discuss something intelligent you like (the book), you can just go back to looking if you get the **** OFF look of death, and you can even get some personality clues. When i stayed in japan for a while, almost every girl i met was in the record store or the book store. I personally HATE bars, i feel so full of crap trying to pick up girl in a bar, but yet bothering one in a bookstore is ok. I have no rationale for it, its just how it is! :lol

qilver
Posts: 73
Joined: Aug 30th, '05, 18:54
Location: Southern California

Post by qilver » May 12th, '06, 21:06

nikochanr3 wrote:
Genmai_cha wrote:
[quote="qilver & nikochanr3"][spoiler][quote="nikochanr3"][quote="Genmai_cha"]I'm in my very last leg in the 20's here... and still strongly single... which I don't mind. I find girls here and there but nothing is for keep. It is really easy to find a gf but it is a lot harder to keep one. =/

@nikochanr3
not every guy have the ablity to 'date' more often and usual 'date' sounds a little too formal for me. i only see it as going out to eat or a place to hang out.

@qilver
you should go out more... encourge your friends to bring out the girls keeping your options free. do your task of networking first before you make any more. The bigger your network the better...
ill tell ya something cause you dont know me, but interpersonal contact makes me nervous. i worry people like me, people don't. So i spent a lot of time growing up alone, cause alone is easier until at some point i decided i dont want to be alone.

theres always chances to meet people. there are bars for singles. its not bad to go, cause the girls are there to meet people too. i like bookstores myself too. i've met nice girls in bookstores. OR if you really don't like it, use a dating site. its not a horrible thing. To me, saying theres just not that much chance is an excuse.

Don't try to keep a gf just to keep her. Im a big proponent of things just happening. at some point, the TROUBLE KEEPING will become TROUBLE GETTING RID OF. :P Anyway, i hope you dont think im being flippant. Good luck finding that special someone. :wub: I found my special someone on an internet message board btw.
I think being alone, when away from relationships, things tend to get simplier as you only deal with your own issues and life, but after awhile that gets boring...
some people can deal with being lonely, and single...
mostly, i think people are built to be in relationships with others..

i do agree it is probably more easier for people to get into relationships, GIVEN that they have a network of people and have access to a potential community of prospects(dates), i am not sure if i fall into this category right now, i doubt it...
The harder part is to maintain a healthy balance in a relationship, and that their is a good connection and chemistry in a relationship and that it is for the right reasons to stay together and ultimately marry someday....that is the goal isn't it? otherwise people would date to screw around and just date without any true commitment.[/quote][/spoiler]
@nikochanr3
I love the girls over at the bookstore! I just can't really get their attention b/c their nose is always in the book. :lol There are places where I choose not to pick up on girls but rather just be there for for--bars and the clubs to be particular. It always hit me when I ask myself what kind of girl I want to bring home.
@qilver
I totally agreed with you about being single allows to focus on your personal things in life. You just got nothing to worry about and just do what you have to do.
I've been in a realtionship where we had the same goal but we both had different solution... that didn't work out all that well.[/size][/quote]

:lol Girls at bookstores are great. You can discuss something intelligent you like (the book), you can just go back to looking if you get the **** OFF look of death, and you can even get some personality clues. When i stayed in japan for a while, almost every girl i met was in the record store or the book store. I personally HATE bars, i feel so full of crap trying to pick up girl in a bar, but yet bothering one in a bookstore is ok. I have no rationale for it, its just how it is! :lol[/quote]

personally, i've never hooked up with girl meeting her at a bookstore, but true, you can strike a good conversation if you get lucky....
it really takes confidence and guts to just walk up to a complete stranger and just take a risk....what have you got to lose right? your pride, if she rejects you flat out and a few minutes of embarrassment...
I like to think, maybe taking a calculated risk, and if it is worth it, if she is worth the risk, you don't know if she is taken, married, or just not looking, maybe single and not interested, maybe interested...who knows....its all a risk. I really don't like the meat market in terms of clubbing/bars, that is not my scene and i think i am too old for that anyways. The bookstore, coffee shop, maybe, who knows..
i think networking, meeting her thru friends, family, friend of a friend, that is the best way, now if i can only step out of my (shell)/ comfort zone and take more risks and gain more confidence...... :whistling:

nikochanr3
Posts: 608
Joined: Apr 22nd, '05, 02:48
Location: NY

Post by nikochanr3 » May 13th, '06, 02:44

Well, you only need to strike gold once. The next person you meet could potentially be that special someone. I'm rooting for ya. :cheers:

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horndogbuddhist
Posts: 246
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Post by horndogbuddhist » May 13th, '06, 05:55

qilver wrote:@horndogbuddist,

in reading your text, it does sound complicated as most breakups are.
what i didn't realize is that your bro didn't like her from the start and tried to break you guys up? I think it is cool to have a bro that cares and looks after his bro, but what is it that he didn't like about her from the getgo...? how did you feel about your bro wanting you guys to break it up, and influence you. Personally if i had a bro, that did that, i would be pissed, but that's just my thinking.

it is always good to look back in retrospect(but not overly), on what missing, what went bad, and anything else that lead to the breakup, and accept what has occurred.

it sounded like your ex-gf, was more in the materialism than probably you could afford her lifestyle. That is important to notice and you did. Being a teacher, is something is a job, as we both know that doesn't pay very high, but good enough for a living. If the potential girlfriend cannot see beyond what the teaching profession is, and what you desire out of life, then you know what is best for yourself. Hopefully you can find a girl that can accept you, and your lifestyle and not have her thoughts focused only on a "ring. Personally to me, that is a turn off, when a girl is just focused on the bling bling. Because in time, the bling loses its shine. A ring is a ring, she can take it for what it is worth, and nothing more than that.
thank you for your kind words...and YES I was pissed at him and still am...although now he has a gf now and I am trying to be the good brother and not say anything that won't ruin the relationship...although deep in the back of my mind I don't think that she's all that hot.....(I guess kinda - revenge would be nice...even though I know it's wrong..therefore I say nothing)
Check me out at www.myspace.com/horndogbuddhist OR www.cyworld.com/ (name wujiaqi0514)

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x_XJules
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Warning: Severe Ranting

Post by x_XJules » May 13th, '06, 08:51

I don't blame anyone for not reading this. i just need to rant. LoL, and please don't take it too seriously.
i'm getting so annoyed with stan. :cussing:

he is such a baby about 80% of the time. i can't even explain the stuff that gets on my nerves.

let's make 2 factors known right now though. 1.) i have been super sick all week, so i suppose i'm susceptible to being irritable. 2.) stan is going through a rough time right now.

stan talks about stan. all i get is how are you feeling today. i admit i don't have much to say because i'm sick so i sit around and don't do much.. but still the topics he talks about all center around him. and he has this habit of romanticizing struggle.

for example (this is a real example too)- a friend of a friend's mother died. immediately stan tells me the story as.. his best friend's mother died. when struggle is involved he automatically pulls himself into it and makes it his deal. he thinks he's had it real rough (and i admit he has not had easy) but he always talks like HE KNOWS EVERYTHING first hand.. and blah blah blah...

He never asks questions about me and automatically assumes i'm better off than he is. i'm one who likes to practice healthy boundaries. you know, like.. letting people get to know you little by little. stan is the type to tell you almost any secret or his whole life story as his introduction. i don't mean first impressions... i mean like the moment you are friends... he vomits these facts right up. and he doesn't care or ask to know about you. he thinks he knows it all already.

besides even if you were to tell him something.. he'd be too busy talking about himself to even hear it. if he does hear what you say though he immediately relates it back to himself.

*sigh* i'm feeling a lot better after getting that off my chest. i think stan is just venting, maybe he'll go back to normal in a few days or so.

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Post by Xi@h » May 13th, '06, 08:57

Ayee Julie..!! Poor you... I'm speechless!!

There's only one guy who can help you out there among the F4 => Richie!! He's good with speeches.

But.. I thought that he's a erm.. gentleman? How come he suddenly changed to somebody self-centered like this? :blink

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horndogbuddhist
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Post by horndogbuddhist » May 13th, '06, 17:01

yea I agree w/ jeremiahh, guy seems like that he's really into himself at this point and time...need to ditch him....I find that some guys (including myself) are really insecure about themselves in one way or another and instead of relaying their true feelings talk about everything but (or in your case focuses only on himself). Maybe there is a deeper seated reason for his actions
Check me out at www.myspace.com/horndogbuddhist OR www.cyworld.com/ (name wujiaqi0514)

qilver
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Post by qilver » May 13th, '06, 22:34

horndogbuddhist wrote:
qilver wrote:@horndogbuddist,

in reading your text, it does sound complicated as most breakups are.
what i didn't realize is that your bro didn't like her from the start and tried to break you guys up? I think it is cool to have a bro that cares and looks after his bro, but what is it that he didn't like about her from the getgo...? how did you feel about your bro wanting you guys to break it up, and influence you. Personally if i had a bro, that did that, i would be pissed, but that's just my thinking.

it is always good to look back in retrospect(but not overly), on what missing, what went bad, and anything else that lead to the breakup, and accept what has occurred.

it sounded like your ex-gf, was more in the materialism than probably you could afford her lifestyle. That is important to notice and you did. Being a teacher, is something is a job, as we both know that doesn't pay very high, but good enough for a living. If the potential girlfriend cannot see beyond what the teaching profession is, and what you desire out of life, then you know what is best for yourself. Hopefully you can find a girl that can accept you, and your lifestyle and not have her thoughts focused only on a "ring. Personally to me, that is a turn off, when a girl is just focused on the bling bling. Because in time, the bling loses its shine. A ring is a ring, she can take it for what it is worth, and nothing more than that.
thank you for your kind words...and YES I was pissed at him and still am...although now he has a gf now and I am trying to be the good brother and not say anything that won't ruin the relationship...although deep in the back of my mind I don't think that she's all that hot.....(I guess kinda - revenge would be nice...even though I know it's wrong..therefore I say nothing)

cool, best of luck to you whatever you do. I think the next girl you hook up with, just make sure your bro doesn't get involved and sabotage it...tell him to respect your space, comments are ok...but it's your relationship, not his. and i do believe you know what is a hot girl, and what isn't. We learn from our past mistakes and move on, a better person, and more wiser....so i really do thnk it is about having the confidence in oneself, i am still trying to figure that out for myself.... A hot girl is beautiful and attractive physically on the outside...it is not until we date the girl and get to know her true self, true character do we find her inner beauty, and if she is the girl you want to be with or not. I honestly think it takes time, a lot of time to get to know a girl.

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 13th, '06, 22:46

Hey Jules :P

Awww that sucks :( You are still sick :O *makes Julie some more chicken noodle soup* Have you talked to him about this? I know it could cause a bit of resentment if he takes it as an insult but if he really cares about you he will listen. He sounds like a good guy from what you have told me so he can't be too dimwitted to let you slip away or not listen to you. I have never known you to not have something to say so don't let him control the coversation. If he ignores you or try to change it somehow, don't let him XD. I hope things turn out all right its sad news :( Good luck Julie AJA AJA! FIGHTING!!
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by x_XJules » May 13th, '06, 23:22

thanks guys. LoL, i think he got the hint he was being annoying.. he hasn't called me a billion-ga-jillion times today. i'll talk to him after i get off work though, i'm sure (9pm).

richie your avatar is too cute. you cannot pass go and you cannot collect 200 dollars. face it.

:lol

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 14th, '06, 00:48

*does sad puppydog eyes* :cry:
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 17th, '06, 13:26

Happy Birthday to me!!!! :cheers: *gets out his cane* ooohhh my back LOL ok not yet, but I am getting there, I'm almost middle-middle aged.

I thought I'd post my rant here instead of creating another topic for my woes XD In 14 more days my life is going to change permantly. Its not as serious as it sounds but I am still sad by the end of days. I am moving out west at the end of the month to start College and hopefully fall into my career afterwards, but the truth is its scary. I wonder if I am smart enough? Will I be able pass? Will I be able to get a job? All these scary thoughts decided to pop into my head. I will be far far away from my friends and family, but I know I had to do this eventually I have been putting it off for 3 years :( Yesterday when I was washing the dishes I stopped at the silence and just stared out the kitchen window into my backyard and my moms garden. I got tears in my eyes thinking about all the years I've spent growing up here and how I'll probably never see it the same again. I got to leave my dog who I know in my heart she won't make it till I have time to visit again so thats gonna be a hard goodbye. My cat of 6 years (hes more like a dog he even comes running when you call his name XD ) got really attached to me over the past 3 years and is always at my side, I know its lame to feel sad for an animal but I wonder what thats gonna be like for him. Anyways I still got 14 more days to make more memories with my friends and family and these past few months ive been making lots of them. Its sad when something ends, but it just means a new beginning.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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BorgmanJayce
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Post by BorgmanJayce » May 17th, '06, 13:47

I can't believe this thread is still running... *L*

Seriously tho, I'm happy it's still running as we can share advice on how to win someone and get over a broken heart amongst other things.

As for me, I need some advice myself as I'm deeply in love with this girl from Malaysia who I've been in love with for a few years now but I've never told her because I was scared of getting my heart broken if I did tell her and she rejected my feelings of affection for her as more than a friend...

In any case, I almost told her today how I felt about her but she had to leave for college before I got the chance to tell her so I told her that I had something important to tell her the next time I saw her and she has no problem with that, so hopefully I'll get the chance to tell her how I feel.

But what I need to know is when's the right time in a conversation to tell someone that you like them as more than a friend...

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 17th, '06, 14:06

When you think it feels like the right moment XD Use those skills maybe you picked up as a kid when you really wanted something but had to wait until your parents were in the right mood to ask XD Seriously though I don't think there is a right time persay to spring the question. You could wait till she brings it up, or you could bring it up at any point you think is approperiate. Good luck Borgman haven't seen you around these parts in a while :lol I hope things go in your favour!
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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BorgmanJayce
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Post by BorgmanJayce » May 17th, '06, 14:13

Thanks for the advice, mythrel...

Hopefully all will go well the next time I speak to her.

As for me, I've been away for the past few months due to the demise of my late grandmother and being forced to move into a new place amongst other things which caused quite a huge upheaval...

Hopefully I'll be back in here on a regular basis... :mrgreen:
"Magi Maagi Maajiro!!!"

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 17th, '06, 14:23

I'm sorry to hear that Borgman that sucks :/ Life should be easier damnit! *shakes fist at the heavens* hehe XD Well its good you are still around its good to see some familer faces, everyone seemed to disapear but a few. Best of luck to ya! Aja Aja FIGHTING!
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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BorgmanJayce
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Post by BorgmanJayce » May 17th, '06, 14:25

Thanks for the welcome back, mythrel as it has been a while since I was here posting in the forum...

Anyway, good luck with your move to university and your new life... I know what it's like to make a huge change even though I didn't have to move when I went to university a few years back...
"Magi Maagi Maajiro!!!"

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x_XJules
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Post by x_XJules » May 17th, '06, 21:33

LoL oh richie..

hahaha, ya know one of the reasons i didn't want to leave for california yet was because of my puppy. she's only 5 months old and i don't want to miss her whole "puppy"hood. so I understand COMPLETELY why you'd be sad about leaving your pets. they're people too... well.. kinda...

ANYWAY...
:cheers: HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHIE!! :cheers:

do me one favor, okay? have a fabulous day!

happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy birthday dear richie-san! happy birthday to youuuuuuuu! :lol :lol

p.s. i'm so excited for you to be a west-coast-person. you, me, and amy.. disneyland. prepare yoursevles.

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Post by Valcun » May 19th, '06, 10:03

@Mythrel
Happy Birthday Bro

@Julie
Sorry to hear that about stan. I know how he feels. I just got over final exam week and boy I tell yah! I was short-tempered :P

@everyone

Hey guys I need an opinion on something. I can't decided what to do tommorrow. I'm going to go see da vinci code in the afternoon (hooah!). But on Friday night I don't know what to do :(.
See there is this club that is playing the 3 things I like "Techno, J pop and K pop" All night. It seems tempting to go because I KNOW 100% Koreans and Japanese girls will be there. OR!!!! Should I go see Alien Ant Farm at this cafe that is down the street from the club. Hmmm..... I can't decide! >.<

Anyway, Don't see much of you guys on MSN no more. I hope im not on the block list :alcoholic: . But oh well, Be nice if F4 chatted something. Specially you Jerr! I always send you a IM but your never there! >.<


-Valcun
Image Image

Genmai_cha
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Post by Genmai_cha » May 19th, '06, 14:23

crap hola!
we're supposed to have a bbq tomorrow--but it turns out that it'll be raining...
:argue:

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Post by Xi@h » May 19th, '06, 15:44

Did I miss someone's birthday? Heck!!! I'm so sorry Richie!! I've been very very busy lately. Anyway, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY and hoped that you have enjoy your day. Wish you many more to come!! :D

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Post by dspR » May 23rd, '06, 22:11

Do people still remember me here?
Image

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 24th, '06, 16:52

I don't exactly have a photographic memory but I got the next best and yes I remember you how have things been? Its been a long long time since you posted what was going on.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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gibonite
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Post by gibonite » May 29th, '06, 03:58

hi there! long time no see... guess you don't even remember me...

Is everybody's allright?

And sure! I remember you Dspr!

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Mythrel
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Post by Mythrel » May 29th, '06, 13:13

Hey gibonite! I remember you. It has been a while since you have posted too. How is life treating you? I hope guys are still not giving you grief I'll fly over to france and kick their butts.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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x_XJules
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Post by x_XJules » Jun 2nd, '06, 05:33

first of all.. hi gibonite and dspR! i still remember you two!! i hope things are going well. :D :D

secondly, i'm here for some advice. :-(

i've got to dump stan. i'm always so bad at dumping people. i don't want to hurt him.. i don't really know how to tell him... i just don't know what to do.

ranting part:
at first i was really crazy about stan. he started out as a selfless caring gentleman. at first he talked a lot, but that didn't bother me because i'm shy and it fills in those quiet moments. but the less shy i got and the more i wanted to open up all he did was stop me and continue talking about himself. all he does is talk about himself. he has this really nasty habit of twisting the truth so he always looks like a victim. i'm constantly taking care of him.
example:
some friends of mine were giving him a place to stay and he seriously made them sound like terrible people who kept making ridiculous requests of him. but after talking to my friends it ends up he's the one who has been disrepectful. he ditched one of my friend's on their birthday and then two days later talked about how he threw this huge party for one of his friends infront of the ditched friend. not to mention he had been coming home (loudly) at 3-4am every night while my friend has to work full-time during the weekdays. she has to get up so early, i don't think a simply request of him coming home by 10 (or spending the night else where if he doesn't want to be home by then) is unreasonable.

basically i'm fed up by the fact he doesn't even know me and yet he says he's "in love" with me. he believes he's lived the hardest life in the world and yea, he was a foster child, but thanks to his foster parents he actually lived a very sheltered and kosher life. he thinks i don't even know the hardships life has to offer and therefore have no say in the matter. basically i'm not allowed to talk, only listen to him, agree with him, and comfort him because he's the victim. :glare:
[/rant]

whew... thanks guys. i just need some tips on dumping him. i know it'll hit him hard, and as angry and resentful as i am at him, i still don't want to hurt him.

Genmai_cha
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Post by Genmai_cha » Jun 2nd, '06, 15:41

@x_XJules

wouldn't it be nice if life is bound to a simple key or a computer? the ESC or Alt+F4 button would be nice now.

breaking up is always the hardest thing to do and trying to not to hurt the person is unavoidable. if it was me i'd keep it real and lay everything out on the table and if they don't get it during that time then maybe they will get it and get over it over time.
good luck!
:argue:

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Post by Xi@h » Jun 5th, '06, 18:25

Julie, hope everythings fine after our little conversation :)

nikochanr3
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Post by nikochanr3 » Jun 5th, '06, 19:10

hey jules,

for the breaking up with Stan, I'd do it in public, not to embarass him, but just to keep the converstation to what needs to be said. i find if you discuss more and more, you get more and more frutstrated, and things may come out that while true, will just be hurtful, and theres no point to be hurtful when you are letting him go anyway.

so my advice is be direct, as nice as you can, but not let it drag out. sad as it is in life, you dont owe anyone anything. just let him go.
Please visit my homepage! :w00t: [url=http://nikochanr3.blogspot.com/[/url]

AIM me at Nikochanr3 if you like. I''''m bored.

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jieshi
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Post by jieshi » Jun 8th, '06, 06:51

nikochanr3 wrote:hey jules,

for the breaking up with Stan, I'd do it in public, not to embarass him, but just to keep the converstation to what needs to be said. i find if you discuss more and more, you get more and more frutstrated, and things may come out that while true, will just be hurtful, and theres no point to be hurtful when you are letting him go anyway.

so my advice is be direct, as nice as you can, but not let it drag out. sad as it is in life, you dont owe anyone anything. just let him go.
Not sure if it is my place to contribute or not so if I'm crossing a line, please excuse me.

In public is definitely a good place if the person your breaking up with is a drama queen, it keeps them low key (hopefully) though be aware that if they are good at twisting the truth then there is the chance he could twist it to make you look like an idiot in front of passers by, so pick your location carefully

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~Adam~
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Post by ~Adam~ » Jun 8th, '06, 21:51

Well the only thing is her father is an alcoholic and he hits her and treats her like ****. I was talking to her on the phone last night and I heard a voice in the background and guess who it was her dad he apparently took the phone from her, hung it up and unplugged it from the wall so I couldn't talk to her any more that night. This makes communicating with her that much harder.

THEN THERE IS the advice someone gave me::

[quote name='Sai' date='Jun 8 2006, 05:04 PM' post='197725']
k... I'm gonna lay it down for you damien.

For your own good. Run. really, move on. This is all sorts of trouble brewing.

If you have some mild affection, she has mild affection for you, whatever, it's trouble in the long run. People carry their problems, and you being a 'buffer' for whatever home problems she got is 'NOT THE RIGHT WAY FOR A RELATIONSHIP'. And you're clearly marching down that road. Your attitude towards this is not a lay and move on thing.

You are in dangerous waters my friend.

Be very very VERY damn sure what you are doing before you graft yourself onto this gal. And also remember, do you need this? I mean a billion options out there. Do you really,... need this?!
[/quote]




I am wondering what the people here think I should do.

kotaeshiranaihito
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Post by kotaeshiranaihito » Jun 8th, '06, 22:38

wow a real problem for once.

In this case you're going to have to give a little more information. How old is she, what is her income (if any), around what area does she live?

The best thing is to try your best to help her get out of there as soon as possible. Even if all she has is a part time job, then she should be able to afford a small place with room mates. I actually found a place for a friend yesterday for only 450 a month in NYC. If she doesn't have a job try your best to help her get one.

I myself am at a place I really don't want to be in at the moment. In order to avoid any problems I just stay out of the house all day. I spend pretty much al day (8am to 11pm) in the city either working or studying.

If finding a cheap place is the problem, just leave that to me, I could pm you some really cheap places even in your area (I can easily find things like that). Right now your priority should be to try to get her out of there. My first girlfriend had the exact same parents (both mother and father) so I know what this is all about.

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~Adam~
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Post by ~Adam~ » Jun 8th, '06, 23:02

She said something about her and mom and brother moving out. I am gonna look at what happens with her situtation to see if I stick around or not, even though I like her alot so far. She is 19 btw living with parents as I am. I am concerned for her saftey as well even tho we are just dating so far.


I live in worcester MA and she lives in Wheelright MA. So for me its about a 45 minute drive so its not too bad, I mean my drive to work is about 30 minutes.

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