SINGLES RANTING THREAD (Dating Advice)

The real life drama forum. Discuss your relationships or get to know the other members here.
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x_XJules
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Post by x_XJules » Apr 12th, '06, 05:14

what's new with you justin? what have you been doing these past couple months?

obviously dating :lol

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Valcun
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Post by Valcun » Apr 12th, '06, 05:28

No, I haven't been dating that much. Lately I've been soul searching. I still am. But im glad to see you all again, F4! :)


Lately school and work got me.



Ps: No Jerr, My tips :P

-Valcun
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Post by Xi@h » Apr 12th, '06, 05:52

LOL Is that your style? I thought it was one of Iceman lol

Liar, you were dating a bombshell lately, come on tell us frankly lol

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 12th, '06, 10:14

uh wow...

that's agressive...

but OMG i'm not that kind of person!

i need to think

i need to reflect

i need to calm down


LOL

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Post by Xi@h » Apr 12th, '06, 11:41

Valcun wrote:dotdotman,

The pro has just arrived. Don't take her to a Movie or dinner. Its so common. Women like unique people. Do what I do, the girls I usually meet I take them to some place unique that brings out the personality out of me. I would take 'em to the zoo because I love animals or I would take em to the bookstore or muesuem because I like art and I like reading books.

Here is my game plan, you might learn from it.

1. "Invite them out" not take em out, to the zoo. Have fun (bring camera, a MUST) and make funny faces at the animals or something.
2. You know what, Im feeling kind of hungry lets go eat at a small burger place.
3. I feel like going to the park and hanging out on the swings or something.
4. Hmm, I feel like going to the book store cause I want to see if they have my book I want.
5. Blah, I forgot to pick up some milk and other stuff at the grocery store.
6. Hmm, looks like a awesome movie ( while at the store) Buy or rent a movie then bring her home and watch it.
7. Take her home, and go home. If something happen between me and her I guess im calling her again. If not, I'll tell her its been nice but your not the one.
8. Go Home.

See, I went on like 7 dates in one day. Remember, your the leader in the date. You value you her opinion but you are the decision maker. Girls naturally like to be lead. I saved up like how many months worth of dating in like one day. I didnt even take her to the movies. Ice Age 2? Save that towards the end of the day. But just going to some of the places, I didnt even spend a penny and it was still a date.

Okay man, Now lets focus on you. Dont be a wuss and try to "court" her and stuff. Wont work. Dont try that you are trying to get her "approval" so you guys are going to go on this date. YOU are inviting her. Trust me, Im so happy I was born a guy. Guys have more power than women. Men can choose ANY girl they want. Girls can only choose from the guys they attract. So don't give her the power. If I was you, call her and say it like if you really didn't care "Hey, what are you doing on friday? (dont even let her answer just keep talking) I don't have any work on friday and wanna hang out?" Then thats it. So simple. and she says "Okay, where are we going?" say "I'll call you on friday and tell you" (CLICK) thats it. Now your on a date, plus you bought your self some time to think up of a place to take her.

Tips when ur on a date. Spilt checks and stuff. Dont pay for her. Act like if she was one of your "guy" friends and jokea round and mess around and stuff. Dont treat her special, just treat her normally you would your friends. When your on this date, have your mind frame as "Man, I don't care what happens. Lets have fun." If you can do that, you will definately win her my friend.

PS: Obiesty means nothing. Girls like personality (well some). I see some pretty well rounded guys pick up hot girls. But I usually get 'em because I'm better ;) But if your confident and strong willed. Girls will be all over you.

whisperss,

I suggest you give up on him. By what you said, he is damaged merchandise. He still likes his ex. Until he gets over her, he wont like you. Sorry if Im to direct, but I have to slam the reality on you so you dont get hurt in the end.


-Valcun

Now that I have some free time, lemme analyze your post Justin.

You're quite right about men power :unsure:

I'll try that phone conversation with Rach to see what happens haha, but I guess I'll have Richie on my back soon. I sense he's right behind to knee Jerry LOL

Right, go dutch when you're on a date? hmmm hey Justin, are you sure about that? You invited her and you go dutch? :scratch:

I guess we need some girl to analyze that post lol. How about Amy & Julie?

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Post by soulrogue » Apr 12th, '06, 13:16

Justin ....i got one question to ask you....dont be angered by it though....do you like girls with looks and no brains...i mean "NO BRAIN", cause ur methods i guess well...will only be approved by them


more importantly .....dotman....PLEASE DO NOT TRY ANYHTING OF THAT SORT BECAUSE U REALLY LIKE "BUTA" FROM WHAT U TOLD US AND U WOULDNT WANNA MESS THINGS UP!!

go normal since u "lack" "SELF" confidence...dont have to act like soe korean drama character.....cause its not the case of unrequited love and u dont have a love square going on..

@VULCAN@ u do have a good point about girls liking personalities more than rest but doesnt every1?
even boys like girls with better personalities...

@dotman@ ...well u could try to be macho ....BUT u havent been a macho type since u met ,and this would just freak her out ..


um remember...if u take her out by saying "cmon itll be fun...im getting bored ...cmon lets go...oh u can do that thing later..."and what not...its always best to PAY FOR HER TOO! but in case u all go out ...go dutch,or if u both agree u wanted to go somewhere.....also ull pretty much get hints when she wants U to pay for her too...if she likes you..like she'll delay taking money out..or frown giving away money...
ALSO >>>>good thing if u jusr carry a few extra bucks...never know what she'll like out of the blue...(but dont go buy something outrageous)

like u said she's a girl who ACTUALLY USES her brains (no offense their to every1 else, cause usually i've seen more that dont tend to use their brains..)....dont go changing ur personality...

also...u want to be with her ....if u take a group ...u wont have the time to be with her for the most of it...and if u do try to stick to her like glue...well every1 will have their own opinions about that...not good.
also has she invited u over yet??? to her place for any reason at all??
if not dont TRY rent the movie...cause then u hit rock bottem on her list.... she'll disagree anyways.


@whisps@......take it slow...he still aint over her...or he doesnt actually *like* you (i dont think this is the case)...cause he wouldn't have mentioned her....
also please tell *if u want to* how did he inlcude his ex when he was on that topic...might help a bit.
and tell him that u would like muscle or looks ....go with brains that make up a good personality ...if he likes you....well he's already changed how he behaves in front of you...

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 12th, '06, 15:24

ok to be honest

that's way too agressive for me to do so and that certainly isn't me

i'm still trying my best to know her better
and of course to help her improve in her drawing
so i should consider that point more importantly

i feel that it's not right for me to rush actually

in another way, IF i manage to get this relationship going fast and effectively -.-
i'm sure it's not going to last long


soulrouge it's actually extremely awkward for me to talk to her in her clique lol
so normally i end up not talking to her much when we are with the class, pretty much totally unless it's a topic everyone can chip it

but that's different when we are alone , that i'm glad

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 12th, '06, 16:28

dotdotman wrote:uh wow...

that's agressive...

but OMG i'm not that kind of person!

i need to think

i need to reflect

i need to calm down


LOL
Dotdotman you don't have to change who you are. Valcun decided he needed to for some reason and if he thinks thats how he will find himself then good. Doesn't mean you have to. Being who you really are is more the key would you rather have 1 girl or 100 girls that mean nothing? Its quality not quanity but players will be players and I'll never agree with them and their tatics.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by leo008 » Apr 12th, '06, 16:43

@Mythrel: Yeh I agree with you man.

Just be yourself, that who you want her to like so show her who you really are.
Adversity doesn''t build character, it reveals it...

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 12th, '06, 17:33

yea i'm certainly not gonna be a different person all together =]

anyway my future bro in law suggested me to take her to zoo too actually

but he asked me to go for the more heartwarming approach XD

like...
bring some homemade sandwich and snacks etc etc

pretty nice to do that uh... =o

hope i can in future... =x

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Post by x_XJules » Apr 12th, '06, 18:03

I want to go to the zoo :cry: :cry:

I should make stanley take me :lol

meh, we all know how justin is. i'd analyze his post but i'm at school, and it's early... and i'm lazy, LoL. but uh... amy is real smart!!

justin has a few good points but i'm afraid my female-mindset just won't allow me to completely agree with him. being yourself is always the best, and having little tatics or tricks is almost insulting. but as i said, we all know how justin is. :-)

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Post by soulrogue » Apr 12th, '06, 18:16

hmm dotman.... thats what i said earlier...of you being weird wen u'll be with her friends....so just go out with her until u start to feel comfortable* around her, though getting a good impression on firends is a good thing for you..
u could take her to the zoo...but its too much 'sort of a date', she may try to distance herself..
I D E A ...call one of yr friends whom u trust to help u... ask that u all go together but tell him/them not to show up.....it would be odd if u cant get any girls to join then backout with them(ur friends) though
anyways u can go with the "homemade warmth thingy" and still be alone with her...
i think this should work..

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 12th, '06, 18:18

Ohaiyo Julie-san! Ya, you and Stan should go to the zoo!! Last time I went to a zoo (Biodome actually) There was a monkey smoking and another one using a waterbottle to get water lol. Oh those crazy monkeys! As long as they were not throwing poo at us its all good hehe.

Thats good Dotdotman I think its a good idea. Picnic's ROCK!! You could even plan to have supper picnic before the sunsets and watch the sunset together. Try to be on your best behaviour XD Open the doors for her and make her feel special not like a guy friend because that will only get you into the friend catagory, be yourself, be a gentleman.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by x_XJules » Apr 12th, '06, 19:44

Mythrel wrote:Ohaiyo Julie-san! Ya, you and Stan should go to the zoo!! Last time I went to a zoo (Biodome actually) There was a monkey smoking and another one using a waterbottle to get water lol. Oh those crazy monkeys! As long as they were not throwing poo at us its all good hehe.

Thats good Dotdotman I think its a good idea. Picnic's ROCK!! You could even plan to have supper picnic before the sunsets and watch the sunset together. Try to be on your best behaviour XD Open the doors for her and make her feel special not like a guy friend because that will only get you into the friend catagory, be yourself, be a gentleman.
as always richie, you have wonderful advice.

A.) stan SHOULD take me to a zoo.
B.) a picnic is a wonderful idea, especially the supper picnic.. i just hope it's nice and warm! it might be a good idea to bring a frisbee or something.. whatever depending on your personalities or what you like to do. everytime i'd go on picnics with my friends we'd always bring a basketball (we have basketball courts at most of our parks) or a ball... but frisbees are best imo. if it's a group picnic i'd say you should bring a disposable camera. i've got thousands of good pictures on outings.. always fun to look at later.. especially the bad pictures XD XD. haha, i love bad pictures.
C.) opening doors is always a very good idea. anything to be a gentlemen, most girls go crazy for that. i fell for stan because he's such a gentleman. he ALWAYS opens doors for me. he does other gentlemen type things.. but i can't remember what they are at the moment.. if i do remember i'll be sure to post them. :D

so richie.. you saw a monkey smoking?! SMOKING?! jeez, what are they teaching monkeys these days in canada? :P i wonder what kind of cigarettes he likes.. :scratch:

edit: oh yea.. ohayoo richie-san!! Ogenki desuka?

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 12th, '06, 20:38

I D E A ...call one of yr friends whom u trust to help u... ask that u all go together but tell him/them not to show up.....it would be odd if u cant get any girls to join then backout with them(ur friends) though
anyways u can go with the "homemade warmth thingy" and still be alone with her...
i think this should work..
this idea sounds logically suspicious to someone who tries to think a little harder isn't it? o.O

a pair's good, a group's ok, a trio... o.O

Thats good Dotdotman I think its a good idea. Picnic's ROCK!! You could even plan to have supper picnic before the sunsets and watch the sunset together. Try to be on your best behaviour Open the doors for her and make her feel special not like a guy friend because that will only get you into the friend catagory, be yourself, be a gentleman.
sunsets are good... -.-
but i dunno how to.. approach her to staying late you see -.-

usually she leaves pretty early like 6 T-T


well i guess
for everything else
i'll leave it after this outing _| ̄|○
dunno why i feel demoralised for no reason -.-

argh

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 12th, '06, 21:37

hehe Julie I have no idea what you asked I think its like how are you but damn you're learning I'm jealous!! I don't even remember the word good, arg. I know the money smoking wasn't the only strange thing I saw that day it was a really lame class trip to be honest. I think he smokes whatever people throw at him poor guy. He knows how to make lemonade out of lemons (Figuratively of course, although I wouldn't put it past him im sure he could figure that out too.).

Dotdotman yeah thats a bit tricky. If you are going to see a movie like you could go after just like let her know you are eating after or something you can suprise her or not cause like that could be awkward LOL. Right now the sun starts to set around 6:30 so it wouldn't be very much later then what she is used to just make sure it won't put her out. Don't feel demoralised, you don't have to take this fast go at your own pace. You don't even have to make it this big thing if you don't want to, you can have a great time either way as long as she is around I'm sure.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by horndogbuddhist » Apr 13th, '06, 04:03

go for it dotdotman...

hmmmm about the picnic thing...just ask if she wants to join you to watch the sun set and let it go on from there...
it sounds kinda lame but that might work if she is really having a good time with you on the pinic.

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Post by P0KEY » Apr 13th, '06, 05:43

x_XJules wrote:I want to go to the zoo :cry: :cry:
i`ll take you to the zoo!!!!! but then it wouldn`t be as special as stan taking you XD
x_XJules wrote: I should make stanley take me :lol
you should. ^^
x_XJules wrote:but uh... amy is real smart!!
ROFLMAOLOLHAHAHAHA!.... wait, you were serious? :blink uhhhh....
x_XJules wrote: justin has a few good points but i'm afraid my female-mindset just won't allow me to completely agree with him. being yourself is always the best, and having little tatics or tricks is almost insulting. but as i said, we all know how justin is. :-)
TOTALLY on your side for this. totally on your side. =X i concur 8) :whistling:

*pokes richie* what happened to dick-san? lol i`m kidding! :mrgreen:

money smoking? *ahem* :alcoholic:
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Post by Xi@h » Apr 13th, '06, 06:11

P0KEY wrote: *pokes richie* what happened to dick-san? lol i`m kidding! :mrgreen:
ROFL!!!! LMAO!!!!! Amy.. oh my God... Amy!!!!! Damn you... I just burst into laughter and now I have all my colleagues starring at me!! :blink :blink

It's been a long time we haven't called him like that... ROFL!!!! Richie, sorry bro.. can't help it!!! You make my day today bro!! Hahaha. Bro, Genki Desuka? means How are you. Yeah she's learning fast that sweetie pie haha.

Julie, that's a nice idea, going to the zoo with your charming prince. He must be special, that's a great catch. Hold on to it firmly and don't let go!! :thumright:

Dick-san lolololol osashiburi desu ne!! :P

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Post by siggiepop » Apr 13th, '06, 06:15

Alll you have a bit too much fun this evening, eh? hehe.
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Post by P0KEY » Apr 13th, '06, 06:24

siggiepop wrote:Alll you have a bit too much fun this evening, eh? hehe.
maybe you`re the one not having enough fun :P 开玩笑的啦 (kidding-lah)<3
"Bears Beets Battlestar Gallactica."

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Post by Valcun » Apr 13th, '06, 10:00

@ dotdotman
You got to be aggressive! Didn't you watch Macross? Fokker told Ichijo that if he was going to win a womans heart, he has to be aggresive and go after her!.

Anyway Help me out man,

What are your hobbies?
What do you like?
What do you do?
What are your dreams in life?

Answer these, so we can find a better idea suited for you to ask her out on a date.

@ Everyone
HEY! I'm not all about tricks and tactics! I'm still original. Its good to keep and ace up your sleeve and use it when you need it.

Anyway, being your self is over rated if you don't understand your self. Plus your mind-set is key too. I had a revelation today and I must tell everyone!!!! While soul searching, my eyes has laid upon a book of whom a guy name Siddartha Gotama is in. I been reading about it for a lil while "on and off". So Back on the topic. Today I decided that I'm not going to care about anything and be totally care free. Time is no essence to me, I desire nothing. So I wake up, open my curtains. MAN! It was such a beautiful day I said out loud ( really I did) It was the kind of days I like. Windy, Sun Shining, Cloudy but not to cloudy and not grey, I like the white ones :) (not racist :P ) I drive to school with my windows down so I can feel the wind going through my hair which felt awesome while going down the highway. I get to school and I walk around a bit. I find some friends, start talking to em, but something was different. They said I looked kind of different today and I am really socialble. I was like "awesome" and gave em high fives for no reason. haha. I felt like I was on "natural high" next thing I know, BAM a gorgeous girl notices me and looks at me. I smile at her and say "Hey". Then she stopped and was shocked cause I don't really know her but I didn't care about anything today. Next thing I know, BAM! we are talking. I just talked what I felt like talking about, nothing really special. Was a very good convo, but I didn't pursue it. Told her, Hey I got to go... I'll see you around some time, cause I felt like going somewhere else cause I was hungry. At work, BAM everytime I talked to someone girl or guy, I was having awesome convo. It was like no one cared today and everyone I met was like family and if I knew them for a long time.

But hey, was awesome. I got girls with out using my brain. Matter a fact, I didn't even try :P If I can do it, so can you!

But today was totally awesome, specially during the night. The full moon looked so awesome in the sky.

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Post by Xi@h » Apr 13th, '06, 10:09

Justin, you lucky bloody bastard!! See how's great being your trueself.. You're lucky to have an awesome day.

I do agree that you have to be "aggressive" to win a woman's heart, that's so true indeed, else you won't be noticed at all and you'll be last... Now that I'm talking, I FEEL VERY LAME!! Pssshh, my relationship with rach is in complete stall because I wasn't aggresive at all. Everytime, I bring forward some hints to her, I immediately take it back.

Dude sometimes I wonder if I'm really a man LOL

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Post by Valcun » Apr 13th, '06, 11:14

You guys still think that looks are everything?

READ THIS!!!

http://www.shoutwire.com/viewstory/9297 ... overs_Love
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Post by dotdotman » Apr 13th, '06, 11:45

uh forget it T-T

she said she's too guilty to let me treat her to movies
saying that we'll watch another movie another time

-sighs-

never mind...

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 13th, '06, 11:59

uh

she kinda insists on going dutch -.-
and hence we postponed it to monday
as movies' cheaper on weekdays....

is this a good or bad thing?

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Post by Xi@h » Apr 13th, '06, 12:36

dotdotman wrote:uh

she kinda insists on going dutch -.-
and hence we postponed it to monday
as movies' cheaper on weekdays....

is this a good or bad thing?
Still, it's great. Yeah for the first time, you better go dutch until she feel that you are close enough for you to treat her :) Nice job dotdotman. Keep it going!! AJA FIGHTING!!

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 13th, '06, 13:04

i'll try my best... T-T

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 13th, '06, 15:50

dotdotman at least you get to spend time with her thats the most important thing. It doesn't matter what day you guys get to go it just matters that you get to go XD Don't feel so discouraged, its not over yet. We will be here to hear your woes so just let us know. Things can seem worse then they seem as they can appear better then they are. You are not in the danger zone yet hehe.

Jeremiah I don't think it was that you were not agressive enough you just didn't have the courage you needed to just ask her. I know the thoughts of losing a friend will hold you back, but sometimes you gotta go for it. I really wish you said it to her on your december 15th deadline but I can't change the past sadly or I'd smack Justin when he was 16 :lol or at least shown him a different path.

heh no Amy the monkey didn't give me his homemade brew :lol I don't think id want to drink it anyway hehe.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by soulrogue » Apr 13th, '06, 17:52

DOTMAN!!! W A R N I N G !!!!!DOTMAN

u have a serious problem there if she still insists on dutching on a weekday too.....GIVE HER MORE HINTS!!
take her to the zoo , make her think... its better if u are rejected sooner than later, if she doesnt like u ,you can always tell her that she must be off track cause u were just tring to be good friends...and still keep a friendship that way...but it would be bad if u moved a step forward with her having no feelings for you....this is just a caution...dont waste anymore time now....(im outta advice here..:()

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 13th, '06, 18:08

I don't think its that serious soulrouge. There could be many reasons why she doesn't want him to pay for the movie but I doubt its because she has no feelings (I could be wrong but I don't see it that way). It sounds more like she would feel bad if she was making him pay for her. Kind hearted people would feel guilty like that. I know I always offer to pay for myself when my friends treat me, but I never argue it long hehe. There has been no rejection yet so lets just wait it out don't make him feel like the battle is already lost, the battle is just beginning.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 13th, '06, 19:23

um i'll write down the content of the messages she sent me

buta: sigh.. really sorry... you're so enthusiastic yet i'm so broke. i'm very guilty...
can we watch another movie another time?

me: sigh..................................................................................................................................................

buta: T-T SORRY!! . . . sorry.. =[

me: i said i'll treat you what... sigh....................................................... never mind...

me: =[ really don't want? or are you busy? o.O the past 2 days you were still ok with it, then suddenly... =[

buta: i told you i can't let you treat me... ok..! i have an idea! what about monday? since there's no lecture and it's cheaper too. you want?

me: uh... ok!

-followed by a few messages regarding drawing outing-



._.

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 13th, '06, 19:33

Eeek I'd have probably worded that differently but I'm not you and you're not me LOL. It could mean she doesn't want you spending money on her or she doesn't want you to because she feels it would make it a date. There are of course many other reasons but those two stick out and I hope its not the latter. I think she might have said it because originally it was for the drawings, but it might seem weird to her if you want to pay. I really have no idea I can't read women LOL.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 13th, '06, 21:35

brain's getting tardy after this...

argh.........

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Post by P0KEY » Apr 14th, '06, 00:21

dotdotman wrote:um i'll write down the content of the messages she sent me

buta: sigh.. really sorry... you're so enthusiastic yet i'm so broke. i'm very guilty...
can we watch another movie another time?

me: sigh..................................................................................................................................................

buta: T-T SORRY!! . . . sorry.. =[

me: i said i'll treat you what... sigh....................................................... never mind...

me: =[ really don't want? or are you busy? o.O the past 2 days you were still ok with it, then suddenly... =[

buta: i told you i can't let you treat me... ok..! i have an idea! what about monday? since there's no lecture and it's cheaper too. you want?

me: uh... ok!

-followed by a few messages regarding drawing outing-



._.
i see a very very big problem in this conversation. you`re making her feel guilty because she is kind of broke, and you made yourself look like a complete loser (for lack of better words) by being all depressed while you are talking to her. you are deprived of self confidence, and you do not have any self esteem in this conversation. you really shouldn`t have said "sigh..................................................................................................................................................
" because that`s like you are exasperated and/or depressed. which in turn makes her feel guilty. i don`t think anyone wants to do anything with someone that sounds the way you sounded in that conversation. and you shouldn`t have dismissed the problem with a "never mind" because there was some hope until you said that; you were the one that brought up the subject. followed by her making it up to you by asking if you wanted to go another time. sorry, but the real "man" i see is the girl--you shouldn`t back out in situations like these--you should have been the one that accomodates(sp?) to her, due to her lack of money. be a little more creative, like going to a penny arcade or something like that.

i believe you have a chance here--she still wanted to go to the movies with you although she had no money. just don`t be so depressed and have some self confidence. the fact she wants to go dutch i think is awesome--she shows a sense of independance. next time, you treat her, but if she insists the first time, i think you guys should go dutch. she`s not yet comfortable with the fact that you are paying for her.

good luck! :-)
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Post by kingofheartz » Apr 14th, '06, 02:47

either she was really broke or she just was lazy and didnt feel like going at that time. cuz she did say she wanted to go later with you. thats how it is with my friend. its all a big mind game. you probably shouldve acted like u it didnt bother you that much. girls love a good chase. id say play it cool. just dont get stuck in the "just friends" zone! thats like the heaven/hell zone :cussing:

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Post by movieaddict » Apr 14th, '06, 05:34

dotdotman wrote:brain's getting tardy after this...

argh.........
haha! Good Luck Man!!

Hello Everyone, i should be posting more often here and give my inputs since i visit this forum everytime i'm at d-addicts! Mythrel your advice helped alot :-) , i am honestly better at striking up a conversation with girls... XD

Question/Problem:
OK! There's a girl who I have known since my freshmen year in college but we haven't kept in touch really but one of my friend has kept in touch with her and now in my junior year in college she happens to be in my cooking class and we have started conversing with one another...It seems to me she is starting to like me but i know that she is a very flirtatious girl with any guy...but why I presume she likes me:
1. She asks me to go on events related to class but its not mandatory
2. When we were leaving cooking class she gave me a shoulder rub and grabbed my arm at one point and lean her head on my shoulder...and then her mom called her...(removes hand and talk)...(She gave me a shoulder rub again some other night)
3. She paid for a drink of mines when i insisted i pay for myself

Her relation to my friend who kept in touch with her:
1. They talk alot on aim(I occasionally talk with her)
2. Drinking buddies
3. I notice that she only gave him hugs nothing like holding arms or a shoulder rub(maybe she happenly does it but i do not know)

Dilemma:
1. I hardly know her still even though i met her since freshmen year and i cannot say i like her since i am the person who has to know for sure that i like someone(there is a difference for me in having an interest in a girl and liking them)
2. I think my friend likes her since this girl is the first female to ever befriend him and thats probably why he has unconsciously liked her since its his first relationship of that sort(It's obvious to many of us, since he's all touchy with her when he's tipsy; but no physical contact made on her part except hugs)(He denies it when all the guys teases him about her but you know he likes her cuz he like blushes/giggles and tell us to shutup)
3. Friendship matters to me and i think i shouldn't get involved
4. She's so flirtatious, I think I am not a guy who can handle a girl like that
5. Girl has alot of drama, she has always had a boyfriend throughout freshmen year and sophomore year (but no boyfriend ever since junior year)


P.S. Girls are a handful!! :scratch: I don't know what to do with em but i can't imagine myself living without em. :doh:
Last edited by movieaddict on Apr 14th, '06, 08:55, edited 3 times in total.

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 14th, '06, 07:10

@P0KEY - =[ i was getting all ready to settle the location and date etc etc after brushing away all the negative feelings you see

anyway the previous message she gave before everything else was

'anywhere and anything is fine with me...'

so i happily suggested the movie and location of choice

and that came...


sorry i couldnt control myself...

T-T

i'll learn to be more rational.

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 14th, '06, 13:12

OMG Hey Movieaddict I was wondering where ya had been XD Thanks for the kind words, it makes me feel good XD

Wow you are in a bit of a pickle I see hehe. I think if you feel nothing special for her then you probably will not enjoy a relationship with her. If there is a chance you do feel something for her, but everything else is holding you back that could be a problem too. Its not an easy situation really, expecially if your friend has feelings for her. I think you have a few options here and maybe more, but I'll put out the ones in my head.

If you have no real feelings for her and could let her go you could try and play cupid. Only problem with this is it seems she sees him as a good friend, but nothing more. You could always casually ask her about what she thinks of him to see her reaction but I fear if she has feelings for you, it will be not entirely how she feels. She might flat out say her feelings or play them off to give you more signals. If that fails you could always talk to him as a friend (like one on one) how he really feels about her. If he does like her then you could help him in anyway you can get the courage to ask her. This one only works if you don't ever see yourself falling in love with her. I also worry how he would take it if she said no, its really not a easy solution.

If you do have feelings for her, you will have to risk your friendship for it. I would still sit down with him one on one and tell him how you feel about her and what you are about to do. He could take it many different ways, but I fear he will take it in the worst kinda way. Not that this should discourage you completely, but if you really do care for him as a friend then you might have to back off but who knows he could be fine with it. Until you really know his feelings its hard to judge.

Wow its sad I have no real solution for this dilemma :( You gotta look deep inside of yourself and see how you feel about both of them. If she is really going to be the one you love or not. I wish I could be more helpful. Goodluck with ever path you choose and don't be a stranger XD Come back and post anytime you want for advice or give advice or just to let us know how things are going. I will ponder the situation somemore and see if I can think of anything else that might be of any use.


dotdotman, its ok I understand why you would feel depressed when she said that. I think P0KEY's advice is really good. I don't think you guilted her into going, but trying to be a little stronger in your approach would help. Its fine to show emotion just not overly emotional. Again I get why you felt that way since you really do have feelings for her. I guess its better then playing it off like its cool and you don't care cause that could throw her off. Just keep doing what you are doing you seem to be making progress and we are all rooting for you.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 14th, '06, 14:06

thanks for everything... T-T

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Post by soulrogue » Apr 14th, '06, 17:54

ok here is what i belive....any girl ....ALSO as buta is smart ...WANTS to know who is she liked by.. even the girls will agree i think ..so basicly as one would want to know the others feelings ...in this case would like to br treated without asking but* she stronlgy rejects the idea ...thats why i believe dormans in trouble.....also
yes over the phone convo u screwed up a bit...that again will put her down so be cheerful with her...make her spirits go up....cause she will be a pretty sad...

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Post by dotdotman » Apr 14th, '06, 19:09

um you are making her sound overly scary, personally at least that's not what i see her as

anyway that's not phone, but SMS

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Post by movieaddict » Apr 14th, '06, 20:52

Mythrel wrote:If you have no real feelings for her and could let her go you could try and play cupid. Only problem with this is it seems she sees him as a good friend, but nothing more. You could always casually ask her about what she thinks of him to see her reaction but I fear if she has feelings for you, it will be not entirely how she feels. She might flat out say her feelings or play them off to give you more signals. If that fails you could always talk to him as a friend (like one on one) how he really feels about her. If he does like her then you could help him in anyway you can get the courage to ask her. This one only works if you don't ever see yourself falling in love with her. I also worry how he would take it if she said no, its really not a easy solution.

If you do have feelings for her, you will have to risk your friendship for it. I would still sit down with him one on one and tell him how you feel about her and what you are about to do. He could take it many different ways, but I fear he will take it in the worst kinda way. Not that this should discourage you completely, but if you really do care for him as a friend then you might have to back off but who knows he could be fine with it. Until you really know his feelings its hard to judge.

Wow its sad I have no real solution for this dilemma :( You gotta look deep inside of yourself and see how you feel about both of them. If she is really going to be the one you love or not. I wish I could be more helpful. Goodluck with ever path you choose and don't be a stranger XD Come back and post anytime you want for advice or give advice or just to let us know how things are going. I will ponder the situation somemore and see if I can think of anything else that might be of any use.
Alright, as of now I've decided to not get involved with her and go by your advice on being cupid in asking her what she thinks of my friend and that is one of my fears that she would say she has feelings for me or play it off like u said...but if she says that she has feelings for my friend that could possibly mean more than friendship, ima try to help them out...In the case probing around for answers from her fails, ima talk to my friend one on one and see how he really feels about her...If he has feeling for her ima encourage him...If both has feelings for each other that could mean something more than friendship, i think playing cupid would work...but what if she has no feelings in that way for my friend but reveals her feelings for me during that casual talk or play it off by giving me more signals...and the case if probing fails, what if i encourage my friend but he gets rejected by her(What am I gonna do??)

maybe i should just forget about it all and let it takes it course...but that means alot of unresolved issues and unfair to everyone :doh:

i'll update ya later its gonna take some time before i can arrange a talk...

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 14th, '06, 22:45

Ya Movieaddict there is no simple solution. You would at least find answers if you play cupid. If he likes her and she doesn't like him he will be hurt by her saying no or some other guy coming in and taking her away its only a matter of time :( . If the feeling are mutial then it will be bittersweet, but ya you could let it plays its course. I hope the best of the outcome goodluck with being cupid XD.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Post by sokiie » Apr 15th, '06, 03:11

Um, okay so here’s the thing: I’m 22 and still single, and to be honest (don’t laugh/make fun of me now. . .) I have never dated before. My friends and sisters tell me that it’s because I’m too picky, but for me I think its b/c I know what I want and I haven’t found it in anyone yet! I see nothing wrong with still being single, so why do people keep making a big deal out of it?!

But that’s not such a big problem compared to what I just found out: My mom is trying to set me up with this guy (her best friends son), and this has been going on for a while now. Everybody (meaning: my parents, his parents and him) knew about it except for me! The only reason that I know about it now is b/c I was ease dropping on my mom’s phone conversation one night. And it gets worse; they were planning for me to marry him 2-3 years from now, even after I told them that this was not what I wanted. I even told them that I didn’t like him in “that” way, and that he was more of a brother to me. Since my parents wouldn’t listen to me, I decided to write him an e-mail (which I now kind of regret sending, b/c I think that I was a bit rude and also mean in the letter.), letting him know how I felt about this whole thing and that I wanted it to stop, but it’s still continuing. My parents seem to think that I won’t be able to find someone as “good” as him without their help. I don’t even know if he even likes me!! The only good thing about this is that I live in Montréal and he’s in Boston! So I shouldn’t be so worried about it but I am. I’m also mad at him, and I’m mad at both of our parents for doing this to me. My parents have never allowed me to date and then all of a sudden they do this!!!

* I’m sorry if I’m ranting in the wrong place. :unsure:

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Post by adriansyc » Apr 15th, '06, 05:55

i been awhile in this thread, and i got read some of the post that you guys send..so i decided to post my own problem and hoping and advise from you guys...

here my problem actually i fall in love wit a gal for around 3 year .for the pass 2 year+ i never take any action at all but after awhile she jz gv me a call regarding her sister goin come to my hometown n do some kind of rehab then my mind keep think of her & i stil cant forget her.. and one thing is she still deciding whether wan to study at my hometown or to other place.so my point is i need to find a reason to convince her to study in my hometown. So guys n gals out there can tell me is there any good reason to convince her?

my 2nd problem is, tis may 10 is my birthday i going to invite her to accompany me.I doesn't know how to start.. So does anyone got any idea on how to start. Should i go to her hometown or ask her to come to my hometown?

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Post by movieaddict » Apr 15th, '06, 06:24

@Sokiee,
i don't find it weird that u haven't dated yet. I can say that i myself haven't officially dated...i've had many experiences with girls where it seems that dating would prolly be the next step but ya i guess when i do choose a girl its prolly gonna be for life since i am the type that would date a girl only with the intent of marriage(LOL some girls might be afraid of this if they know of it but thats me, haha) :lol And i can say there is nothing wrong with being single, you have many more options and you aren't just looking for any guy to fill an empty void...I myself have considered many girls but I eventually found out that it was just me trying to just fill up my empty feeling of loneliness...I keep an open mind to relationships with girls now and I usually do not expect anything out of it except for the fact that I would like to get to know them better cuz this is the only way i would know if have feelings for her and that her personality would suit me...Let me tell you, Kudos to the singles who knows what they really want from a relationship...XD

And about your parents trying to set you up...I do not know why they are so eager to do that since you're relatively pretty young still and you have time to look for a decent guy(I prolly wouldn't consider myself old until i hit my 40s but yea the thought of aging frightens me a bit haha) :D ...I believe every person has the right to look for love in their own way and by whatever means they choose to, whether it turns out good or bad, they can say that it was their personal choice and you kno that you'll never live with regret... 8)

But firstoff, you need to know if he likes you in that way because if he feels the same way you feel, you have been making the situation alot more complicated than it is...For Christ sake, you are 22 deeming you an adult now, your parents should have no control over whom you date or couldn't date, the only problem is if you are still living under their roof cuz they could kick you outta their home(thas a bit harsh i know):unsure:...But ya I'm 20 right now and almost 21, and i know for sure after getting outta college, there is no way in God's name am i gonna be living with my parents again, I need my freedom and learn to grow up and live independently without anyone telling me what to do and whom i should date...You gotta prove it to them that you are an adult now (take some responsibilities, set a career path, stand firm in what you believe and say) and that you are able to make good and sound decisions on your own and that the guy you choose would not be any less than the guy they chose and i mean that he places you before his needs most importantly and not in the sense that he is well-off with a good career/family background but that would be a plus. One more thing, don't be sorry!! You have the right to vent our ur frustration and anger! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it cuz its YOUR LIFE, not theirs! :thumright:

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Post by x_XJules » Apr 15th, '06, 07:35

I miss you richie!!!!!! :lol :lol :lol

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to adriansyn

Post by misungenius » Apr 15th, '06, 08:16

It seems like you have given this a fair amount of thinking. However, you haven't really looked at this situation from her point of view. Perhaps this friend is at a crucial period in her life, so many decisions to make. Her sister, rehab? Wow... seems like a lot of time and effort. Changing school, that's always challenging. Perhaps you can try to look at this from her perspective, if you were her would you want someone to say "move here because its close to me!" Or would you want someone to say to you, "Do what you think is best? But if you are here I can try to help you as much as I can." The second one has a different meaning and intention, which makes difference I think.

My 2 cents,
Misungenius :P

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Post by Mythrel » Apr 15th, '06, 12:39

x_XJules wrote:I miss you richie!!!!!! :lol :lol :lol
Awww Miss you too Julie, I hope things are well and stay that way XD



Hey Sokiie, I am with movieaddict on this one. You are an adult and you should have a say in who you want to date or marry and when it all comes down to the decision it isn't theirs to make it is yours. They cannot force your signature on that marriage document. You could agree to go on a date with him if you are allowed to go on a date with someone else? Or like try to compromise any other way. If you don't feel comfertable with it and you have let your parents know they should threat their own daughter with a little more respect. Being single or having never dated at 22 isn't that big of a deal trust me. I haven't had a girlfriend in 6 years (a few of them by choice). My best friend had been single his whole life and never had 1 date just got his first girlfriend (he just turned 23). Don't feel like you have been left behind or anything because you were not missing out on much hehe. Now is the time to take control of your own life and your own path and as much as you should respect what your parents wishes are, you still make your own choice not theirs.
Im making you aware. That if you dont like me well I dont care. Ill be exactly who I am and if you got a problem with it. Well thats your problem, man.

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Re: to adriansyn

Post by adriansyc » Apr 15th, '06, 17:47

misungenius wrote:It seems like you have given this a fair amount of thinking. However, you haven't really looked at this situation from her point of view. Perhaps this friend is at a crucial period in her life, so many decisions to make. Her sister, rehab? Wow... seems like a lot of time and effort. Changing school, that's always challenging. Perhaps you can try to look at this from her perspective, if you were her would you want someone to say "move here because its close to me!" Or would you want someone to say to you, "Do what you think is best? But if you are here I can try to help you as much as I can." The second one has a different meaning and intention, which makes difference I think.

My 2 cents,
Misungenius :P
thx for ur opinion honestly i also got stand in her point of view n think i really hope i can help her i even find some infomation abt the private universiti that she one .i even help her find a place to stay in my hometown if she wan to study at my hometown.so now i only need to find a chance to tell her all tis think.i think i gonna tell her wit in tis few days so i realy hope she will accept my invitation on my coming birthday

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Post by P0KEY » Apr 15th, '06, 18:16

sokiie wrote:Um, okay so here’s the thing: I’m 22 and still single, and to be honest (don’t laugh/make fun of me now. . .) I have never dated before. My friends and sisters tell me that it’s because I’m too picky, but for me I think its b/c I know what I want and I haven’t found it in anyone yet! I see nothing wrong with still being single, so why do people keep making a big deal out of it?!

But that’s not such a big problem compared to what I just found out: My mom is trying to set me up with this guy (her best friends son), and this has been going on for a while now. Everybody (meaning: my parents, his parents and him) knew about it except for me! The only reason that I know about it now is b/c I was ease dropping on my mom’s phone conversation one night. And it gets worse; they were planning for me to marry him 2-3 years from now, even after I told them that this was not what I wanted. I even told them that I didn’t like him in “that” way, and that he was more of a brother to me. Since my parents wouldn’t listen to me, I decided to write him an e-mail (which I now kind of regret sending, b/c I think that I was a bit rude and also mean in the letter.), letting him know how I felt about this whole thing and that I wanted it to stop, but it’s still continuing. My parents seem to think that I won’t be able to find someone as “good” as him without their help. I don’t even know if he even likes me!! The only good thing about this is that I live in Montréal and he’s in Boston! So I shouldn’t be so worried about it but I am. I’m also mad at him, and I’m mad at both of our parents for doing this to me. My parents have never allowed me to date and then all of a sudden they do this!!!

* I’m sorry if I’m ranting in the wrong place. :unsure:
hey you :-)
i find myself in a similar situation, although not that serious. i`m guessing your parents are asian, maybe chinese (since a lot of chinese parents do this to their children and like your mom, my mom talks on the phone a lot too) i`m glad you sent him an e-mail, and you should tell your parents how you feel. they`re only doing this for you because they`re worried about you, but in their worry they have neglected your feelings. if i were you, i would straighten this thing out with him, because you and him both have to disagree to this "arranged" dating in order for your parents to maybe consider the fact that maybe you two aren`t really meant to date and stuff. i wouldn`t be mad at him, only if he was the other victim of this situation (meaning he didn`t know about it either), but if he did know about it and did not raise any objections, i would be mad. you have every right to find someone you like, and not let your parents decide. even though i`m younger than you, i already know how you feel.

my mom is a lot like yours, talks on the phone a lot with her friends. and like her, my mom also has intenetions of setting me up with someone. i, like you, have never dated and don`t want to until i think i found someone that feels right to me. i know what i want, and i also haven`t found anyone yet (and not thinking of finding anyone for the next 2 years at least). all my friends tell me i`m too picky, but thats just the way i am :-) even though i`m 16, my mom`s already been like "oh when you grow up, if you get together with so-and-so (mostly sons of her friends, which are also my childhood friends) i`ll be so happy (her exact words in chinese: 我就烧高香了)". true, i`ve known them for all my life, since they`re childhood friends, but since i was small, i never had any feelings other than genuine friendship towards them. my mom also goes to the next ultimate step, telling me that she does not like me dating/marrying (marrying... ._____.) anyone other than chinese ethnicity. in her opinion, no one is as good as a chinese boy. she told me that she will let me date/marry whoever i choose, although it might not approve of her standards (meaning really smart chinese boy). but fortunately in my case, the feeling towards my childhood boy friends is mutual--they don`t like the idea of arranged dating any more than i do. and my mom is already making plans with one of her best friends for her son and i to meet (they`re in china, and i left china when i was 5, although i did meet him before when i was really small. my other childhood friends are currently living in the US) they say that its for us to meet and to become friends, but i believe there is an ultimate motive that is implied. my dad, on the other hand, is the type of dad who`s really protective, and will probably interogate whoever i end up with very deeply. lol.

but back to your problem, if i were you, i would talk to the guy, and talk to yuor parents about what you feel. i`ve made it very clear to my parents that i want to decide who i spend the rest of my life with, not them. my mom still told me that if i can`t find anyone by 30, she`ll take matters into her own hands. LOL. :-)

good luck! 加油! <3
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Post by sokiie » Apr 15th, '06, 23:18

Thank you guys for taking the time to reply I really appreciate your input. :-)

I have thought about moving out many times, but the only thing that’s stopping me from leaving is the fact that I will be disowned, if I move out before I am married. My parents are very strict, traditional and old fashion, and I know that when they say they will disown me they will. So I don’t want to be selfish now and only think about myself, b/c eventually in the future I do want to have kids, (and this is probably going to sound stupid but. . .) I want them to have grandparents, I want them to have everything they need so they can be happy. That’s why I haven’t moved out even though I can afford it. I’ve already established my career path, and even though I’m living at home I am quite independent, I don’t like depending on others if I don’t have to.

I’m upset about this situation b/c no one had the decency to tell me about it, I had to find out about it the way I did. And how am I to know if he likes me?? He told me once that his mom asked him out of all my sisters and I, whom did he like. He didn’t want to tell me at first but finally dragging it out of him, he said that if he did have to choose he would have chosen me (I asked him why but he never answered). Then about a month after that conversation with him I found out about the set up. I also found out that at the time of the convo. w/ him, the “operation set up” was already in progress, but back then I thought nothing of it (the convo. happened before my email). After my email to him this is what he said: “I have rejected their (his parents) requests repeatedly in the past . . . you were the best candidate my parents have ever suggested... This is why I left this one open....” (Candidate?! I’m not running in an election!) It made me feel like I was only a piece of furniture that he could just buy! I don’t know if he likes me b/c I’m well off financially, have a steady job, and / or b/c I’m a “traditional” Cambodian girl. Those aren’t the only reasons why I want someone to like me. I know I’m not the most gorgeous looking girl there is . . . but I’m not that bad looking. . . and the personality is there. . .so why can’t I find someone that I like, and they like me back??? :-( :unsure: They (my parents) say that they’re not forcing anything on me, but my mom already set a date of when she wants us to be married!!! Is that not forcing me?! I’ve already talked to my parents many times about how I feel about this but its just going in one ear and out the other. Idk, should I have given him a chance?? But I’m not attracted to him (I know that’s really shallow of me).

I’m Chinese / Cambodian, and my parents are also like yours (Pokey) they will not accept anyone who is not Asian. And if I do find someone myself I know he will definitely be interrogated until he’s white in the face (poor guy) . . . hehe

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Post by Eileithyia » Apr 16th, '06, 00:39

hey sokiie. lots of asians have the same parents problem as you. I think they might have some kind of rule about everybody should get marrry before 30.

i'm 26 and i only had one gf and no gf for couple years, now my mother was tring to set me up with dates lol

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Post by sokiie » Apr 16th, '06, 00:55

Hey Eileithyia. I think you’re right and that there is some kind of conspiracy going on amongst them that we young ones no nothing about. We need to fix this rapidly growing epidemic! LOL

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Post by greenlogic » Apr 16th, '06, 02:18

wow, I seem to have parents that are totally on the opposite side, My mom and dad always say they don't want me to get married till I become a doctor :lol. I am not wanting to become one so ill never have thier approval for marriage . Maybe they say that just to tell me to concentrate on school. I donno. well I don't really have a solution to your guys problem.but I say to go have a bowl of soup and after that maybe everything will be better, :lol

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Post by Xi@h » Apr 16th, '06, 02:49

Weird enough, my mom is chinese, I'm almost 26 and she never tried to set me up LOL I'm so lucky then haha

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Post by movieaddict » Apr 16th, '06, 07:04

@sokiie

wow we have more in common than u know it...i'm also a chinese/cambo... :D
i have no idea what to say if your biggest fear is that you would get disown from your parents and that your children wouldn't be able to experience a relationship w/ their grandparents... :-(

well, the question i think your facing now is still whether he likes you?? also you said that you are not attracted to him but i have a question for you, would you even consider this person if your parents had never tried to set u up, cuz maybe your angry at the fact that they did everything behind your back w/o u knowing and even if you had considered it, you are upset with the fact that they didn't let you handle your own affairs so you have already like labeled him...have you asked yourself would you consider this relationship if they had never tried to set u up? btw, may i ask the age of the man whom your parents are trying to get you to marry and his ethnicity, if it is a problem there is no need to answer?(jus curious, haha):lol

but if you find yourself not attracted to him whatsoever after asking yourself these questions, all i can say is that maybe you can try to work out a compromise with your parents, if you have confidence in yourself ask them to allow u to date guys becuz they gotta learn how to show some respect for you as an individual and not as some object and if you do find someone most suitable for you that is 100 times better than their guy, you've proven to them that they are wrong and even if you don't find that person, you would earn my respect and i think anyone else that is here reading this(you may even earn your parents respect, this might sound a little far-fetched i now haha):lol ...but this is not to say that if you don't find that person that you should just give in to your parents arrangement cuz its YOUR LIFE...i can't stress this enough cuz even if they disown you, as the chinese saying goes 'blood is always thicker than water' and eventually their will be reconciliation...ooohh, you could also try to promise them that your first-born son would carry their family name and not your husband if you dont have a problem with that (lol, i am sounding crazy now aren't I, haha)... :lol

but ya, its hard to find someone that likes you and that you like them back, i am dealing with this problem myself and i have no real answer to it... i haven't found that person yet who i like that likes me back and i am dealing w/ a problem right now where there is no real easy solution for me on how to deal with it cuz on the one hand its my friend and on the other a girl, who he likes but prolly has feelings for me, but ya i don't want either of them to be hurt... arghh, life is complicated! (its because we're human) :unsure:

(me venting out my frustration)--> :cussing:
don't mind me jus a lil frustratd, haha :D

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Disownment= being disowned

Post by misungenius » Apr 16th, '06, 07:53

Hello all who are concerned about Disownment,
I was disowned twice by my dad. It is interesting and true, in the end I don't regret it.

Prerequisite of disownment: Parents who are strict and don't communicate with their children with two way communication in mind. Their idea of communication is "I tell you, so you do!"

I tried to write down how I was disowned twice, once involuntary and once voluntary. However, the details are not as important as my understanding of how it happened and what it means for me personally now.

Parents take a lot of effort to raise children, if they frequently bring up disownment as threat it means they have difficulty expressing their thoughts to their children. They are actually afraid of their children and afraid of their children growing up. This is common, and many parents do not grow out of their fear. Nonetheless this fear is not as powerful as their love for you which is underneath everything. If they ever really do disown you, they hurt themselves much more than you think.

Growing up and separating from parents is as painful as a mother giving birth. If you are afraid of disownment, perhaps you are afraid of growing up into a mature adult. Ask yourself, do you want to become indepent= do chores alone, eat alone, buy food, earn living all by yourself? If you are scared of losing your parents, then you should know that there is already something missing in your communication between you and your parents.

I thought disownment meant losing my parents but it doesn't it just means the gap between you and your parents becomes very obvious. I now talk to my folks , but that doesn't mean I am disownment annul. I communiacte with a lot of honesty and more patience, they are glad that I understand them better too. What does disownment mean? A clear look at the existing gap.

Thoughts,
Misungenius

P.S. Filial piety is just a label for some obligation, if you really love your parents you don't need a label to make you feel good about caring for your folks.
P.S.S. The Lord gave me a lot of patience, love and mercy during this time of my life and He who is all powerful also opened my dad's heart. We are now both Christians.

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Post by whisperss_57 » Apr 17th, '06, 01:17

wow. compared to those stories, my problem seems so trivial!

but.. here goes

well, i accidentally told him how i felt about him o_O.. by accident

its a bit long so ill put it in spoiler thing
see my msn name was part of a song " please tell me why i like him"

so he asked me: why i" like him"
i said: i dont know i just do, i didnt mean to like him .
he says : him being?
and i said: i cant tell you cuz i might know him
him: you mean u might know him?
me: yes u
him: you like me?
me: what?me?

< what i had meant was that the sentence should have been "you might know him" darn one letter words :K >

him: yea do u like me?
me: okae
him: still no answer lol T_T
me: let me think.. okae i have an answer
him: ok lets hear it.

then my compture froze just as i was typing yes..< bad timing hehehe >
and i came back and i said srry for going offline and he said np

i asked him if he got my answer and
he said : noope, what did u say?
me: yes.
him: lol u make it so obv.
me: huh?
him: nvm lol.

and then i said someone called me slow and he asked who then i said my guy friend and we kinda drifted off of this topic...

then soemwhere he asked me if i watned to take a walk and i said " now? its dark. i dotn want to get mugged lol"
and he said " i wont rob you, i promise"

then once again my trusty computer FROZE :K. so i didnt get to asnwer him..

and now today, hes talking to me online as though nothign happend. and truth be told, i really sort of dont want to talk to him for like 2 weeks. i dont know why i just. dont want to. o_O

however i am quite relieved that i finally told him and got it off my chest, as i am going to have a REALLY busy next two weeks.

any input?? ^^ thanks again
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Post by P0KEY » Apr 17th, '06, 03:45

whisperss_57 wrote: then soemwhere he asked me if i watned to take a walk and i said " now? its dark. i dotn want to get mugged lol"
and he said " i wont rob you, i promise"
:lol :lol :lol :lol :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :D :D :D :D :D :D :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :salut: :salut: :salut: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :wub: :wub: :wub: :whistling: :whistling: :roll :roll :roll 8) 8) 8) 8) :-) :-) :-) :-)

lol. thats my input ^___^y
"Bears Beets Battlestar Gallactica."

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Post by movieaddict » Apr 17th, '06, 04:39

@whisperss_57

hi,
umm, from reading your conversation with him, i think it wasn't a smart choice to reveal to him that u like him over an instant messenger but this doesn't mean that it is bad becuz you now have him thinking about you and thats a good thing...from ur conversation from him, i don't think he knows for sure that u like him because he might get the wrong idea that u like someone else since u didn't reply back to him cuz ur computer froze(i know that i might get that idea)...guys aren't that good at expressing their feelings even if they do like you(well this goes for me, i don't know about others tho, haha) :lol... )

my thoughts/advice(you can take it or leave it, if you think its appropriate): if i were you, it would prolly be better if it was done over a casual walk hence he was trying to ask you to take a walk with him(i take this as him having an interest in you possibly that he likes you too)XD but i think ur computer freezing actually is a good thing cuz ur gonna have him thinking about you (he prolly wanted to hear what u had to say in person not over some instant messenger)...okk, now here's the deal, you can play the game of cat and mouse and avoid him for awhile just not blatantly by greeting him/casual exchange and then go about ur business, don't go into deep conversation, and you'll definately have him thinking about you unless he is heartless/doesn't care about you at all...now here's the thing, if you do this for too long he'll lose interest in you/thinks that you don't consider him as a friend and maybe even distance himself from you as he prolly thinks your avoiding him becuz of another guy... if he does bring up something as in a casual outting somewhere take that opportunity and enjoy your time with him and don't distance yourself anymore...but if he doesn't, strike a chance to make time alone with him at an appropriate setting and during this outting say that you feel like taking a walk in the park or anyplace appropriate, even like running an errand if he doesn't mind walking with you where it'll give you time alone(i think walks are the best situation but thats just me):lol ... when you are alone with him just casually stroll and if you were conversing with him, let the conversation die off and be silent for a moment and take a glance at him while walking together and when he turns to look at you wondering why your silent, look away immediately when u see him noticing, and then continue walking quietly and then just randomly express any positive thoughts that made you happy about the day(you can express your gratitude for him keeping you company by grabbing his arm for a brief moment)...and then bring up the conversation on instant messenger and make it clear that u didn't ignore him but do this while not looking at him and if he asks about whether you like him, be silent for a moment/don't answer him, and then turn to look at him and ask him instead why he wantd to take a walk with you that night...and if he doesn't ask about whether you like him or not, take the initiative and still asks why'd he wanted to go for a walk with you that night...if he replies back that he likes you/has feelings for you, congratulations!!(you know what to do from there)XD ...if not you can be upfront with him about your feelings and see if he responds back...but from toiling with his mind and making him think about you to having a great day w/ him and a nice stroll, i can't imagine him rejecting you...i think love is in the air :wub:

Good Luck!! He should be glad that a girl like you likes him! :D

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Post by x_XJules » Apr 17th, '06, 06:27

whisperss

LoL :lol :lol

that sucks it was an accident... but in the long run i'd say it was good. i can understand how you don't want to see him though too :lol i'd be a little nervous as well. maybe he'll ask you to go on another walk :wink: and then you'll be a couple. :lol maybe.. we'll see.

good luck!!

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Post by soulrogue » Apr 17th, '06, 11:07

lmao whisp u did it...well ...wasn't expecting it to be done in that way but U DID IT....
AJA-AJA !! FIGHTING!!
don't worry though just see him..have to face him someday.....




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Post by leo008 » Apr 17th, '06, 12:44

Good stuff :thumleft: :thumright: pretty good/bad timing with the comp freezes though :lol

Best of luck to ya buddy :mrgreen:
Adversity doesn''t build character, it reveals it...

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Post by whisperss_57 » Apr 17th, '06, 15:04

*scratches head in nervousness* :sweat:

hehe thanks for all the good luck's guys!!!

however last night he was driving me NUTS non stop talking :K

i coudlnt help it so as i was leaving msn i asked him if he liked me back < yea i know msn is quite impersonal lol >

uhm he said " at the moment i dont like anyone"

and i was like "okae thanks i just wanted to know"

heres the funny thing. i wasnt as crushed as i thought id be o_O.. in fact it didnt really affect me at all.

well. i guess if we stay friends he might grow to like me, i guess we really do need to do somethign together for the connection to work... but as of right now. im okae =)

thanks again guys =D

*prepares for the next victim* :mrgreen: hehehe ^_~
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Post by movieaddict » Apr 17th, '06, 16:17

whisperss_57 wrote:*scratches head in nervousness* :sweat:

hehe thanks for all the good luck's guys!!!

however last night he was driving me NUTS non stop talking :K

i coudlnt help it so as i was leaving msn i asked him if he liked me back < yea i know msn is quite impersonal lol >

uhm he said " at the moment i dont like anyone"

and i was like "okae thanks i just wanted to know"

heres the funny thing. i wasnt as crushed as i thought id be o_O.. in fact it didnt really affect me at all.

well. i guess if we stay friends he might grow to like me, i guess we really do need to do somethign together for the connection to work... but as of right now. im okae =)

thanks again guys =D

*prepares for the next victim* :mrgreen: hehehe ^_~
yea, glad to hear you got it off your chest... :-)
at least he now knows that you like him and the possibility of him liking you later i think is extremelygood...especially, now since he can consider this relationship and why'd he answered no is his loss at the moment(some guys are a little confused, needs to collect their thoughts) but ya once you have him thinking about you unconsciously, you can try and manipulate him(hehehe laughing sinisterly) :D the more he wants to see you/be in your presence, the closer you are to getting there...he may even start to feel a little jealousy when you start conversing with another guy and ignores him...but ya he's your little manikan now, you can still take the advice i had before(if you find it appropriate) :-)

hope all goes well!! :thumright:

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Post by soulrogue » Apr 17th, '06, 16:25

hey thats good news....YEA..
also i feel ....he's a boy ...u blurted out u like him...so i guess ....he could (well should) be playing with u a little if he likes u too...as he is not telling u to back off , efter hearing u like him...its a guess/chance


YEA!!
.....fighting *thumbs up*

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Post by whisperss_57 » Apr 18th, '06, 00:31

hahaha thanks guys =) its just waht my friends told me too." now hes gonna think about like the possiblity." XD


ill update on this =)

thanks!!
xoxox :wub: :mrgreen:
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Post by dotdotman » Apr 18th, '06, 11:35

uh guys...

back from the outing uh...

to summarise.
starting was very awkward
the middle was good
the movie was good
the drawing session was good
the ending became very awkward again

awkward as in we both became very quiet
i tried to talk but i just cant seem to talk......... T-T



but one thing for sure is that
no matter what the outcome or whatever is.
her expression in the theatre is definitely priceless.

starting to like her a lot more... argh......


i hate it when i am silenced... T-T


edit:

felt better after talking to a friend of mine.
she was telling me 1st 'dates' are always kinda awkward and weird UNLESS you are really outgoing (which i am)
at least she did not show signs of being uncomfortable with me.

well i think my friend's words made alot of sense
i'm gonna try going more slow and steady, not gonna be agressive etc etc
well i'm a chinese, maybe this doesn't apply to all, but
if a guy is too agressive even without know the girl well, it's just gonna scare the girl away (which i believe it's pretty much true for buta..)
slow and steady progresses are usually more stable (as it's more based on understanding rather than impulsive emotions)
she's not a normal girl (at least in my opinion, as girls around my age are pretty much just about relationships etc etc, she's not)


so much for blabbering =x

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Post by leo008 » Apr 18th, '06, 20:07

Sounds good man! keep up the good work :thumright:
Adversity doesn''t build character, it reveals it...

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Post by sokiie » Apr 20th, '06, 02:15

@ movieaddict:
Wow we really do have things in common: … you like dramas - I like drams, you’re Chinese/Cambodian and so am I, we both joined D-Addicts around the same day (just diff. years…oh well), off to a good start don’t you think??… so what do you say we try going out?? LOL only joking! :whistling: :P :D

To answer your question the guy is 23, we were childhood friends. And I was thinking about giving him a chance IF I was 30 and still couldn’t find anyone, I was planning on having him as my “backup” I know it’s selfish of me to do that (that was before this whole set up thing happened). OR Maybe if he asked me out himself, I would have considered it more. But yeah I’m not physically attracted to him, and I think in a relationship there should be at least some kind of physical attraction for it to work (well for me at least). My friends keep telling me that I should give him a chance and see what his intentions are, but I don’t know… and it’s not the age (he’s only a year older than me) or even the distance that is stopping me. He could have been 10 years older than me and it would not have bothered me b/c if I really loved someone I wouldn’t let something that small get in the way. Same thing if I were to meet someone that I truly loved who is not Asian (which my parents only want an Asian guy), I would go against my parent’s wishes. But since I have not YET met that person I guess I should listen to my friends and leave this option open…but its so hard to go into something that your heart/ mind is against.

I see you’re in a sticky situation yourself, sounds complicated… I wish I knew what to say, that would help you out….

Life is like a beautiful melody only the lyrics are messed up. (We need to rewrite it sometimes to flow better with our own tune)… hope that made sense. :unsure:

Thank you to those who took the time to read and give input about the situation, I REALLY appreciate it. Thanks again!

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Post by movieaddict » Apr 20th, '06, 21:56

Hi Yall!!

Hey sokiie, i think we're off to go a good start lets really hook up and i mean fo real, fo real then i won't be having all these problems...haha jk jk :lol

Guys and gals, I've been kinda bummed lately and i haven't tried settling the problem yet...I am kind of afraid to bring up the issue, I just want it to disappear...the thing is the more that I am around her/get to know her, the more it seems that i can't bring up the issue...like if this trends keeps going, i think i'm going to be in hot waters later...the more i get to know her as a friend, the more i want to leave that possibility open...I told myself i'm not attracted to her but physically I am attracted to her cuz she is just so kawaii(cute) :D...and when she is like grabbing my arms and leaning on my shoulders it makes me feel good...well, last nite when we were walking back from class she mentiond about her late father's death anniversary, at that moment i couldn't help myself but just grabbd onto her shoulders for a bit and comforted her but i immediately let go even though i wanted to hold on longer... I am afraid, scared to move on and face realityand confront my issues, i don't want to be the bad guy in all this and as of late i don't want to say i like her or anything cuz i want to see other people so that i'll know how i feel for sure and i really don't want to hurt my friend...
So there's this other girl who seems interested in me and i had a good time with her at a party...I've seen her again and I can sense she has an attraction to me but it may at first be a purely physical attraction or she thinks i'm cool or something which i do not see in myself cuz i am pretty much the biggest dork...so she starts telling me to attend an event that she is hosting and i was like "uhmm, yea i'll try to make it at the end but i have to attend someplace beforehand" and then she askd me whether i am going to this formal and i was like "uhmm nah, there is no one that i know that is going" and she hinted at me to take her as a date to the formal...Now, should i go or not go? I want to expose myself to more options so that i'll know for sure who i want to be with...And sometimes i question whether they like me fo real or is it just a physical attraction? And to be honest, i don't want to pick anyone yet, I want to see more people but i'm also afraid that the love of my life would pass by and i would regret it...I bring myself too much drama and frustration :-(...I know that I yearn for that particular someone but at the same time i don't want to make a bad decision...sometimes i don't want to make a decision all together, i have too many hesitations and 'what ifs' that i feel like i'm going crazy thinking about all this...i just want to be friends with these girls for now but leave the possibility open but i fear if i wait too long, these girls would take it as i have no interest in them whatsoever and distant themselves from me...I have told myself many times that I should put my trust in God's hand and that everything would be alright but I am human(sometimes i feel like the worst person)...don't know why i said so much, these are my thoughts/situations that I haven't really told anyone about...I'm so glad we have this thread.... :-)
I guess I am just venting my frustration...

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Post by Xi@h » Apr 21st, '06, 08:01

I'm back from the dead.

My relationship with rc was in stall but got a boost a bit lately. We talked pretty much now, well, text message etc. Since she stressed a lot because of her exams, I told her that if she need somebody to talk too, I'm here. She answered that it's nice and thanked me. Then she said that I might take her for a fool etc then I just did it.. yeah.. I confessed.. in a strange way.. huh and she change the convo immediately in a funny way. Crazy!!

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Post by Eileithyia » Apr 21st, '06, 18:12

And I was thinking about giving him a chance IF I was 30 and still couldn’t find anyone, I was planning on having him as my “backup” I know it’s selfish of me to do that (that was before this whole set up thing happened).
wow, sokiie is one evil gal. i think that mean you didnt like him.
I hope he findd a gf before your 30 ^^

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