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gglibertine Joined: 15 Jul 2007 Total posts: 29 Location: Austin, TX Age: 41 Gender: Female |
 Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 11:02 pm Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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Assuming we're talking about how I want a *boyfriend* to treat me... I want him to treat me like I'm his best friend. I prefer a relationship that's an equal partnership, based on mutual respect and the knowledge that we can depend on each other. If we're not 'together' yet, I want him to show me he's interested by inviting me to do things, including me in his life, that kind of thing.
Otherwise -- just be yourself. I want to get to know *you*, not the person you think I want you to be. Pay attention to the way I react for clues -- everyone is different. There's no one way all people of either sex want to be treated.
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deshouJoined: 20 Jan 2007 Total posts: 91 Gender: Unknown |
| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 1:19 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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| mongbat wrote: | nice guys really do finish last, everyone will just treat such people like buddies and not want to get into a relationship with them.
even if you're outgoing, humourous, family minded, or throw in any "nice" quality in here, people will just go for the so-called bad boy - possesive, abusive, angry, guy. |
Arent these two opposite types of guys, in one hand the one totally nice and caring that gets stepped by everyone and doesnt even seem to realize or care, and in the other hand the abusive and totally rude one with an unhappy childhood?  Never in my perfect mind would I pick any of those deliberately...
| gglibertine wrote: | | Assuming we're talking about how I want a *boyfriend* to treat me... I want him to treat me like I'm his best friend. I prefer a relationship that's an equal partnership, based on mutual respect and the knowledge that we can depend on each other. If we're not 'together' yet, I want him to show me he's interested by inviting me to do things, including me in his life, that kind of thing. |
Now that is an important point, there is big difference between a boyfriend and a guy, even if a friend! Of course a boyfriend should care for and respect his girl, and vice-versa, otherwise something is wrong. Huggings from behind (and in general) are nice and all that, but dont do it unless there is a level of understanding and intimacy. Personally, I hate when guys Im not that close with (recent friends, acquaintances..) do that, even if gorgeous guys, its taking me for granted, its showing off, its annoying.. its abusive.... And I dont mean to overreact... 
A person should have a main goal and interests in life other than dating, that would make THEM not only more interesting but also happier. Respecting and being respected is always a must. A guy should treat a girl in a way that makes her care for him, that makes her miss him when he is not around...  .. in a healthy way...
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gglibertineJoined: 15 Jul 2007 Total posts: 29 Location: Austin, TX Age: 41 Gender: Female |
| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:00 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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| deshou wrote: | | mongbat wrote: | nice guys really do finish last, everyone will just treat such people like buddies and not want to get into a relationship with them.
even if you're outgoing, humourous, family minded, or throw in any "nice" quality in here, people will just go for the so-called bad boy - possesive, abusive, angry, guy. |
Arent these two opposite types of guys, in one hand the one totally nice and caring that gets stepped by everyone and doesnt even seem to realize or care, and in the other hand the abusive and totally rude one with an unhappy childhood? Never in my perfect mind would I pick any of those deliberately... |
One thing I've learned over the years is that a lot of the guys who complain that girls don't like nice guys are not actually very nice. Some of these guys, because they've had trouble getting girls to like them, are carrying around a grudge against women for not liking them. Hint: if you do nice things for other people to get them to like you, and then get mad when they don't like you for it, you're not as nice as you think you are.
Please don't associate abusive, rude behavior with unhappy childhoods, however -- sure, some people who have unhappy childhoods go on to pass that behavior on to everyone around them, but others decide they don't ever want to make anyone feel as bad as their family made them feel. And plenty of people who had perfectly fine childhoods still ended up becoming jerks along the way.
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Li-MeiJoined: 04 Mar 2006 Total posts: 69 Gender: Unknown |
| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:21 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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I don't have many expectations for guys or girls but there are some things;
- when she talks, please don't interrupt her, she'll give you a chance to respond. (depending on some girls)
- she will expect a greeting once in a while. even a small smile or a quick wave will do.
- no sexual jokes please.
- show her good manners.
I think everything else I had has already been mentioned. This is all towards just any girl, whether she's your friend, lover, sister, cousin, whatever.
If you meant boyfriend/girlfriend wise...then I can't really tell you. I try not to be too picky when choosing friends or whatever. Or...let's say I try not to have a list of things that I look for in a person. Just as long as they get along with me and are respectful towards me and my family then I'll find things in them that I like and if I find something that I really don't like about that person and that I can't tolerate then I'll say something.
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deshouJoined: 20 Jan 2007 Total posts: 91 Gender: Unknown |
| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 4:03 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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| gglibertine wrote: | | Please don't associate abusive, rude behavior with unhappy childhoods, however -- sure, some people who have unhappy childhoods go on to pass that behavior on to everyone around them, but others decide they don't ever want to make anyone feel as bad as their family made them feel. And plenty of people who had perfectly fine childhoods still ended up becoming jerks along the way. |
Ok. Perhaps I saw it that way because the people I know that are like this (possessive, abusive, angry...) which are few, fortunately, are like this (or so I think) due to childhood traumas or problems, not just at home. Also perhaps because they didnt reach their dream in life, need to feel powerful or weird stuff like that. Still see them as unhappy people.
But anyway, I didnt mean to associate one with the other, so my bad.
| Li-Mei wrote: | | - no sexual jokes please. |
Lol, such a turn-off, isnt it? And I agree with you on the rest as well
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smapsJoined: 13 Jul 2007 Total posts: 14 Location: Seattle Gender: Female |
| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 4:38 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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1. Don't ask her about her prior sexual experience or any other sexual sort of questions (at least until you're both very, very, VERY comfortable around each other, or even better, until you've actually been sexually intimate with each other). This seems weird, but god, I can't even COUNT the number of times I've seen a guy and a girl joking about sexual things and then the guy brings up something sexual personally about the girl and she just BACKS UP. I mean, the ladies will joke about it and laugh and be pervy with the best of them, too, but you get into that personal arena and most of the time you're just going to completely break any trust between you. It's just too sensitive (I think most girls are afraid/cautious of being judged based on whatever answer they give, i.e. being a virgin is horrible while being a whore is a turn-off).
2. Be a gentleman. Opening doors, ordering things at the restaurant sometimes, having her be seated first, etc. As someone else mentioned, many guys complain about girls not diggin the "nice guys", but honestly? Most of the girls they've had that "being the nice guy backfires" experience with were really superficial, immature girls. If your lady in mind is cheap and tawdry then she won't appreciate anything you do for her, period. For the other nice girls - the good ones - the simplest gentlemanly gesture will have her melting for days afterwards.
3. Be a good conversationalist. Confidence is incredibly attractive in a guy. If all else fails and you don't know what to say, ask her about herself. Trust me, we love talking about ourselves if you're willing to listen. 
Beyond that, everything else is personal preference, I think. Personality plays a large role and people have their own individual attractions. Assuming she doesn't think you're a creep, simply being intimately interested in her may even be enough in her book.  _________________  Currently Loving On: Ushi ni Negai wo: Love & Farm, Hanakimi, Yamataro, Yama Onna Kabe Onna, Papa to Musume, LIFE, Tantei Gakuen Q, Sushi Ouji  |
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mongbatJoined: 01 Jun 2004 Total posts: 18 Location: Singapore Age: 26 Gender: Unknown |
| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:44 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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| deshou wrote: | | mongbat wrote: | nice guys really do finish last, everyone will just treat such people like buddies and not want to get into a relationship with them.
even if you're outgoing, humourous, family minded, or throw in any "nice" quality in here, people will just go for the so-called bad boy - possesive, abusive, angry, guy. |
Arent these two opposite types of guys, in one hand the one totally nice and caring that gets stepped by everyone and doesnt even seem to realize or care, and in the other hand the abusive and totally rude one with an unhappy childhood? Never in my perfect mind would I pick any of those deliberately...
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i'm not talking about totally nice and dim, not a bad thought in his mind kinda guy, just imagine your best male friend, wil you ever think of ending up with someone like him?
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deshouJoined: 20 Jan 2007 Total posts: 91 Gender: Unknown |
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 12:27 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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@mongbat
Now that you mention it, I might have a friend that fits your description... super nice and friendly to everyone, doesnt care if he gets bashed a little once in a while for no apparent good reason... Well, yeah, I only see him as a friend, but he does have a girlfriend .. which is exactly like him...
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pongalongJoined: 22 Jun 2007 Total posts: 21 Gender: Unknown |
| Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 11:46 pm Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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| i want my boyfriend to treat me with respect. and what the hell is with freak dancing? i find that disgusting... especially when girls do it to their best friends. i don't know about you but rubbing my hoo-ha on someone's ass isn't exactly the way i want to express how much my friends mean to me or how much i love my boyfriend. goodness, can you imagine? what if my boyfriend comes up to me and says "how much do you love me?" wouldn't he be shocked if i said, "turn around and let my punani show you" ew. ewwww that's just wrong! guys should respect our bodies even if a lot of us don't respect ourselves. be a gentleman dammit.
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ClockwiseStirJoined: 08 Jan 2007 Total posts: 38 Gender: Unknown |
| Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 3:18 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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| naviro wrote: | You girls say that you want to be treated with respect, kindness, etc etc. that you want a guy who's smart, funny, caring, loyal, and all that good stuff. I'm very much like that but in my experience girls never really see guys like me as more than a friend if even that. I just don't understand why girls never realize the person that they always wanted was right in front of them. It's makes me mad when I see them going go with guys that are jerks and get treated like garbage. Why is it that I never even get a chance and others, who don't deserve her, end up dating her.  |
i am not trying to be mean or anything, but how can you be sure you are 'smart, funny, loyal and all that good stuff'! I have seen a few people on forums claim that are like that .. hehe.. but are you so sure of yourself? (i'm not saying you aren't, just curious who in the world can claim themselves to be so nice)..
I think some of you guys have got it wrong. all these are how we girls like to be treated by guys but that doesn't mean we'd fall head over heels for a guy who treats us like that... i mean, look, if 10 guys would all treat us with that equal niceness, that doesn't mean we would go for all 10 if them...
no one really understand how it works, there must be this mutual 'click' for two ppl to have feelings for each other.. which i guess does not depend on how you treat her..
i like it when guys take notice of the fact im actually there, i find guys who asume i'm invisible rude.. except those who have only their girlfriends in their eyes.. then i'll say they are sweet.. haha.. HUGS from behind is the sweetest thing ever!! and guys that are clingy -- they want to see you all the time or say they miss you eventhough you haven't seen them just for a few hrs -- is a no no...
guys who respect me, are understanding, thoughtful, someone who lives life with a meaning -- a worthwhile human being not some jerk -- but that doesn't mean i'll fall in love with you, I can admire you as a friend
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ethiddaJoined: 16 Feb 2007 Total posts: 468 Gender: Female |
| Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 5:25 am Post subject: Post Rating: 1 |
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Hmm... haven't read all of the thread. But here's my stance on it.
To echo an earlier post, be a gentleman. Open doors. Offer to pay for dinner, if not necessarily pay for it. Give a girl her coat if she's cold. etc. etc.
Be willing to talk. As a girl, I won't go up and start talking to guys unless I already know them well. However, if somebody comes up to me and strikes up a conversation, I won't shut him down unless I already hate his guts (i.e. he offended me earlier). Once I get to know you, I'll talk to you more and get to know you. Then, another world of possibilities open up.
Treat us nicely... with a caveat. Most girls like to be special. (Guys, too, I imagine.) If a guy treats everybody nicely (the typical "nice guy"), I won't see him treating me nicely either as an expression of his interest nor that he sees me as anything special. However, if a guy is willing to do some things that he usually wouldn't do for others, then I would know that I mean something to him (as a friend, object of affection, girlfriend, lover, whatever). I wouldn't want to bother dating him, either, because... well, I'd just get the same treatment.
Rely on the girl a little. This shows trust, and respect for her abilities. Please, do not act stupid. (I had a guy once ask me about the same homework question incessantly, just so I would talk with him... -.- ) But if you're friends with her already, and you think she could help you with something, then go ahead and ask her. Most guys like it when girls ask them about things... the same is true for girls, just on different topics, usually.
Mostly, just act natural. Be yourself--she's going to find out who you are sooner or later anyways.
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exiguel88Joined: 30 Oct 2007 Total posts: 12 Location: Sweden Age: 20 Gender: Male |
| Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 8:52 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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| I expect a woman to wishfully to be treated the way i treat them. If i get rejected, then I don't want to be with her.
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NoaleJoined: 27 May 2007 Total posts: 131 Location: Amsterdam Age: 19 Gender: Female |
| Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 11:17 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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| ethidda wrote: | Hmm... haven't read all of the thread. But here's my stance on it.
To echo an earlier post, be a gentleman. Open doors. Offer to pay for dinner, if not necessarily pay for it. Give a girl her coat if she's cold. etc. etc.
Be willing to talk. As a girl, I won't go up and start talking to guys unless I already know them well. However, if somebody comes up to me and strikes up a conversation, I won't shut him down unless I already hate his guts (i.e. he offended me earlier). Once I get to know you, I'll talk to you more and get to know you. Then, another world of possibilities open up.
Treat us nicely... with a caveat. Most girls like to be special. (Guys, too, I imagine.) If a guy treats everybody nicely (the typical "nice guy"), I won't see him treating me nicely either as an expression of his interest nor that he sees me as anything special. However, if a guy is willing to do some things that he usually wouldn't do for others, then I would know that I mean something to him (as a friend, object of affection, girlfriend, lover, whatever). I wouldn't want to bother dating him, either, because... well, I'd just get the same treatment.
Rely on the girl a little. This shows trust, and respect for her abilities. Please, do not act stupid. (I had a guy once ask me about the same homework question incessantly, just so I would talk with him... -.- ) But if you're friends with her already, and you think she could help you with something, then go ahead and ask her. Most guys like it when girls ask them about things... the same is true for girls, just on different topics, usually.
Mostly, just act natural. Be yourself--she's going to find out who you are sooner or later anyways. |
I completely agree with you. On all your points, really. Especially the last point is of great importance. Guys should manage to follow your first points, but stay natural at the same time and not try too hard, because that would be annoying.
I very much value that second point of yours, where you say that guys should walk up to a girl, even if she's a stranger, and just act polite and friendly and start a nice conversation, without being too fast and scaring her away. But I've never really had guys walk up to me like that. Only guys who were rude and showed many wrong intentions. Perhaps most good guys are also somewhat shy guys who wouldn't dare walking up to strangers and start talking to them? Can't say I find it unreasonable though - I never walk up to strangers myself, so why should guys have to be the ones to do it?_________________ Follow your feet and you will not get lost  |
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Pingu4u2Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Total posts: 20 Gender: Unknown |
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dyesanJoined: 25 Jul 2006 Total posts: 29 |
| Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:08 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0 |
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Simply amazed.
You'd think that, well all or most of you are right! It's actually surprising for me to hear all these things of how a girl would like to be treated by a guy. But over here, it's like the completely opposite of it. Perhaps it has to do with just this community of d-addicts..
..for the better or worse?_________________ - - - - -
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