hey you, first generation asian-american kids

My brother and I are part of the first generation of asian-american kids in my extended family. we were born in the states, and my parents were born in s. korea. they are very crazy conservative ... well at least my mom anyways. it's like whatever i say that is not to agree with her is considered back talking. am i the only one who has such a crazy asian mother? who has such a crazy family that fits all stereotypes that can be made of asian parents and lifetsyle?? am i supposed to suck it up and listen and obey to what they say until the end??? will i be shaming them if i as the first child decide to take the reigns of my own destiny? if i say no to what they want me to do? i feel so frustrated sometimes, so suffocated. am i alone in this????
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:05 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

I am not asian-american, but i feel like i need to say something here. It doesn't matter what race you are, NOBODY will ever care for you more than your parents. If you feel like your being smothered by your parents ways, try talking to them in an adult manner.
It will probably take some time to get through to them, but if you show that you are serious, and mature, they may just listen to you.

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:25 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

you so do not have a clue about what i am talking about. sure, no one can love us more than our own parents, but they sure as hell can love us better

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:33 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

-raises hand-
Me. I know what you're talking about. I'm Chinese though .

...but yes, the nagging never stops...

Asian parents want to control their children's lives. Its tradition. I'm probably going to follow that...

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:47 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

I'm Chinese and yeah, the nagging never stops. However, it's definitely not exclusive to just Asian parents. A lot of my non-Asian friends complain about their parents as well... as they say, the grass is always greener on the other side.

Also, there's a difference between "love" vs how they treat you. To them, being strict is how they express their love.

But I do believe the conservatism factor might be where the biggest problems are.

Personally I've learned to just not argue with my parents. It's way too tiring.

So if they say something I don't agree with, I'll just nod my head, but I'll do it anyway Smile

making sure they don't find out. And if they do find out, I just preempt them and say, "Wow, I really shouldn't have done that..." kekeke... but then again I don't do anything TOO crazy...

But like lynchmob72 said, I think when you get older (like near your mid-20s) you'll start to see that you're parents are really as strict as you think they are. Nowadays I can't believe what I did as a teen.... sigh....

***

I should add that Asian parents seem to do more than the traditional American parents (I know that's a generalization, but at least when I compare with my friends that's what I see).

For example, my parents paid for my college and grad school, my first car, and even gave me a huge down payment for my condo.

I'm not saying money is the only thing, but it's more like the sacrifice.

Like instead of spending money on themselves for a nice vacation, they put the money in for my education. My parents never spent money for them. It was always for my tutor lessons, piano, violin, sports, etc.

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:48 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

suck it up. be willing to do anything for your family. anything.

edit: you sound 16 or so. like others have said, you will understand when you get older.

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:56 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

dude i'm 20 and things don't look like they are going to start looking good anytime now. i go to a university near home <--- biggest mistake of my entire life. i'm gonna grad and get the hell out of this place and fly to the other side of the continent for grad school <-- the only thing that keeps me going ..

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:04 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

When i was in my teens, i totally disrespected my parents wishes. Did what i wanted.... period. What a mistake that was. when i turned 18, my parents moved, and told me i wasn't going with them lol.
Funny thing is, when i was on my own, and in trouble, i found myself falling back on the things they tried to teach me. Back then it just felt like control, now that i am older, i see what they were trying to do.

All i am saying is, i regret not listening to them.After all, they were just trying to prepare me for the real world.And by the way, highschool life is not the "real world".

Edit: or college life.

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:09 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

then you have different standards. if you want to "get the hell out" then do it now. what do you do now? go through each day pretending everything is fine? and when you graduate you're gonna move and pretend like you had to?

btw, you sound like a troll. i've never once heard a 20 year old korean female living in (insert state here...i looked up your IP location) use "dude".

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:24 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:27 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 3:50 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

jaded20 I believe your problem is NOT that your parents are Asian but that they are parents.
Anyone who tells you they never argued, disagreed, or resented their parents is a huge liar. Every parent tries to control their child as long as they can because they are trying to protect them. Parents only try to control their children because they know they can't and it scares them because they know the world is vicious and uncaring.

Though you may be 20 you still may not have reached the maturity level needed to understand why parents do what they do. And even when you do understand that, it doesn't stop you from arguing or disagreeing all the time. That's what families... and humans do.

Everyday normal life never really gives you a chance to see just how much your parents love you. Them paying for your schooling and stuff is part of the expression we get to see. They are trying to make sure we are prepared for life and these things make it easier. But a parents love normally goes beyond that. Money is nothing because they are willing to do anything for their child.

I personally "ran away" from home when I graduated at 17. Not because I hated my parents but because I felt suffocated my own circumstances. Though it broke my parents hearts and makes them worry endlessly even today, they let me leave because they knew it was what was best for me after spending 2 years locked up in bed and hospital rooms. But in those two years I got to see the side of my parents most children never get to see. I saw my mother worry to the point where she needed to be hospitalized. They would both sleep for weeks at a time sitting up in chairs so I wouldn't wake up and be alone. They would grant my every wish if it could make me happier for just a moment. I would be an angel to the doctors and nurses and never complain once, but a venomous bitch to my mother. I vented all my pain and frustration on her and she would take it all with a smile and never get upset. I could hear terror in their voices when I was in drug commas and they couldn't get me to open my eyes all day (drug commas are where you are conscious but are unable to open your eyes or communicate, they are annoying.) I would hear my mother cry when she thought I was sleeping, and watch my father fiddle with everything in the hospital room becasue he didn't know what else to do. They looked helpless when doctors would tell them they needed to operate again but couldn't unless they gave me another blood transfusion because just simple incisions would be enough blood lose to kill me. And just by looking at them I could tell that if there was any way they could they would trade places with me without a second thought so I wouldn't have to suffer or hurt. And though she would never say it, I know my mother blames it all on herself for not paying attention to me because she was packing for our flight home the night I asked her to play judge in the argument my cousin and I were having. He said I had a temperature, I said it was just hot in the house. Turns out he was right.

None of this stops my mother form calling me to nag or me to get annoyed and wish she would shut up. The difference is now I understand that she's nagging because that's all she has the power to do. It's her worrying and showing me that she loves me.

This is what most good parents are like. If your parents didn't love you they wouldn't nag and would let you do whatever you wanted... then of course you would end up a extremely messed up pregnant crack whore at a freaky young age like some people I know. No lie.

hmmm I feel as if I might have gotten a little carried away there on my bizarre tangent so I'm shutting up now.

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 4:54 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:49 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:50 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

It depends on how crazy your mother truly is. And in order for us to know that you could perhaps give us a few more examples. Are you really not allowed to disagree with her on anything and discuss certain topics, even if you use the right words and tone? Does she, for example, never let you go out to the movies with a couple of friends? Does she forbid you to date? If that's the case than I agree your parents are too strict and conservative. But if it's not, the problem might also be solved by treating your parents with respect, instead of calling them crazy, and by talking things out with them on a mature level and earning their trust. Perhaps they restrict you from so many things, because you haven't earned their trust yet and haven't showed that you might be able to handle such things.