Writing a dorama - need test readers!

Hey everyone! I'm a writer, looking for some beta readers. So that I don't forget the Japanese I learned in college, I'm starting to write a dorama. My japanese skills are rather limited, but I'm looking for folks who speak the language to read over it and let me know what doesn't make sense. I will be keeping an english version as well, if anyone wants to read that. Keep in mind, this is in screenplay format.

I'm only partially serious about this--in other words, I'm doing this for the entertainment, to keep up my Japanese, and because I really wanted to try my hand at writing in it.

Here's the vague plot:

WILDFACE

BACKGROUND:

27 years prior to the date of the story, Dr. Tanaka Koryu discovers the Gene Assimilator, a drug that changes a persons genotype to a standard genotype. The World Alliance requires that each woman who gets pregnant allow them to inject the gene assimilator into the fetus before the third month of pregnancy. When the baby is born, it receives a second treatment, which molds its phenotype (physical features) toward a standard.

However, four years after his discovery, Dr. Tanaka's wife gets pregnant. The onset of fatherhood makes him realize his mistake, and he flees with his wife. Guilt-ridden by the fact that he created the a drug to homogenize the people of the world, he forms a resistence called WILDFACE. That year, his wife dies in childbirth, leaving Tanaka to run WILDFACE and raise their son, who he names Eri.

Sixteen years later, Tanaka Koryu is caught and killed by the Alliance, leaving the risistance in the hands of his teenage son.

CHARACTERS:

I have my ideal cast written down here as well. Actually, several of these characters were written with the particular actors in mind. I'd be interested to hear who everyone else things should/could play the parts.

Tanaka Eri - 23- (I envision Yamashita Tomohisa) The young leader of WILDFACE. Somewhat of a genius, he is a doctor, like his father, but continues to live with the guilt and responsibility Tanaka Koryu left behind. A ruthless, cold exterior masks a gentle heart and a love for people. Eri often doubts himself, wondering whether he is really fit to lead WILDFACE, and whether he will be able to carry out the wishes of his father--to right what Koryu made wrong and stop the Assimilation.

"This room...there should be three more faces smiling in it. There aren't, but you treat it like it's empty...like those three were all that were ever here. Like you're completely alone. It's not empty, Eri." ~Takeo
:
Kurosawa Yuichiro -24- (I envision Taguchi Junnosuke) A circus acrobat whose smile was once called "the brightest light in the big-top," Yuichiro is on the run with his sister Michie. His bright, outgoing personality is clouded over from the guilt of his sister's accident, which he believes is his fault. However, despite his doubts, Yuichiro provides a warm strength to those around him, and his physical skill and courage are often a key element in the success of WILDFACE's missions.

"That doesn't strike you as odd?"
"Well, I grew up in a circus."

Kurosawa Michie -10- (don't know) A circus performer, like her brother, Michie can't hide the fact that she has one blue eye. After an accident during her and Yuichiro's escape from the Okami, Michie's leg becomes useless and she will no longer speak.

Kobayashi Sakura -23- (I envision Akanishi Jin) After his body rejected the Assimilator, Sakura was taken into government custody. He was, literally, too beautiful to be allowed. The alliance scientists ran tests on him in an attempt to isolate the cause of the rejection, but in the process ruin his heart, giving him a condition that is potentially terminal. Having been a captive for eleven years, he is ignorant--both to the anger and amusement of his friends--about the real world. He often gets confused, asking questions like "But aren't snowmen dangerous?" At the same time, he is extremely bitter for all the Alliance deprived him of in life, and is determined to get his revenge.

"I've grown up around resistors and dodgers...but I guess I got used to the particular features of the ones I know. I...can't stop staring at him...he's like nothing I've ever seen."
"Now if only he weren't such an idiot."
"It happens when you lived in a box..."

Yamaguchi Takeo -22- (Played by Kamenashi Kazuya) Grew up and is best friends with Tanaka Eri, he is WILDFACE's resident tech-geek. Shrewd, observant, but unfailingly optimistic, his ability to lighten any situation often saves the group from losing hope. Takeo's perceptive nature makes him the mediator in several situations, and his skill with people and machines makes him an indespinsible member of WILDFACE. After he escapes with Sakura, Takeo takes it upon himself to help the ex-test subject adjust to life outside the lab while still supporting Eri as much as possible. Takeo has way too much energy.

"I don't understand how he can work so hard at supporting everyone and still stand up himself."
"I think Take needs to give support others as much as others need to receive it."

Ivana Davis -22- (don't know) Daughter of the recently-captured American resistance leader, Michael Davis. She fled to Japan with her father's bodyguards, but was discovered and taken to an outpost in Okinawa. She is tough and has not cried since her mother's death when she was twelve, even after her fiance was murdered by the Okami two years before. Terrified of being in another country and desperate to organize a rescue for her father, Ivana makes the mistake of criticizing Eri's leadership, and the two are most often at odds. She feels isolated and terrified, though she would never admit it, and often tries too hard to make people believe she's in complete control of herself.

"It's funny that she and Eri don't get along. They would both kill me for saying so, but I think they're very similar."
"Yeah. They're both liars."

Shinji -20- (I envision Koike Teppei) The somewhat absent-minded orphan who joined WILDFACE five years before. He is a natural with firearms and explosives, and once saved Eri's life by sniping an Okami from a kilometer away.

"Oi! Brat! Haven't I told you not to sneak up on me when I'm making bombs? It could be very bad for you, very bad!" ~Shinji

THE STORY:
Eri (23) has been running WILDFACE for seven years, but when the Okami (the Alliance police) attack their headquarters and Takeo (22) is shot and captured, Eri assumes he is dead and all but loses hope.

Meanwhile, in a traveling circus, the Kurosawa's are discovered to be Assimilation dodgers. Though Kurosawa Yuichiro (24) did not escape the treatments, he helped his mother hide her second pregnancy under the cover of the roving big top. Now, after his mother's death, Yuichiro is determined not to let his ten year old sister, Michie, be taken. However, it is impossible to hide her dual-colored eyes, so when the Okami converge on them during a performance, Yuichiro and Michie escape onto the rooves of the city. In the process, however, Michie falls from the roof and breaks her leg.

Unable to go to a doctor, Yuichiro carries her on his back from city to city. Her leg heals crooked, and Michie refuses to speak. Yuichiro blames himself for her condition, and he is riddled with guilt. However, he remains fiercely protective of Michie, often calling on their considerable gymnastics abilities to get them out of trouble.

MEANWHILE: Kobayashi Sakura (23) has been an Alliance captive and test subject since he was 13. Considered to be superstandard in appearance, he is deemed a threat to society's morale--he is too beautiful to be allowed. Though given over twenty treatments of the Gene Assimilator, his body rejected it over and over, each time seeming to become more resistant. Shamed, his family gave him up to the Alliance. Out of nine Japanese "Resistors," Sakura is the only one whose body withstood the harsh tests and treatments. However, his heart has become weak, and the Alliance give up after doctors determine that any further testing on him will prove terminal.

When Takeo is thrown into the same cell as Sakura--who has just undergone an especially painful treatment--the young resistence member convinces Sakura to help him escape. Together, they use their combined knowledge and skill to escape the compound and make their way to the new WILDFACE headquarters.

Ivana Davis is the daughter of the recently-captured leader of the American Resistance. Having fled to japan upon her father's capture, she is discovered and taken to the nearest prison. This oddity is witnessed by Yuichiro and Michie, who meet Shinji.

Eri meets up with Takeo and Sakura, and they reconvine with Shinji, Yuichiro, and Michie, who convey the story of Ivana's capture. Eri helps to orchistrate her rescue, but the two get off to a very bad start.

But with the help of Yuichiro, Ivana, Sakura, and Takeo, Eri pursues his goal of stopping the gene assimilation with a new vengeance. Constantly on the run from Okami, the group has to find a way to work together and stop the assimilation, and, hopefully, rescue Ivana's father before it's too late.

SO...let me know if anyone wants to read the episodes as I finish them. You can e-mail me at SAKURAZAWA@GMAIL.COM or message me here. Smile

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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 4:59 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

I would love to try and read this. My kanji reading is poor, so it might take me a while, but I'll give it my best shot Smile

Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 5:14 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Ehhhh... it sounds really interesting! I can read Japanese, but that's about all. Most of the time I don't get what I'm reading. <---Chinese kid studying Japanese.
I would like to see this kind of story made into a drama, though. It'd be interesting to see the reactions from Japanese audiences, lol. [/i]

Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 5:23 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Wow, I'm hooked just reading your synopsis. I'd love to read your English version.
I'm sad that I dont know any Japanese, so I hope you continue writing in both languages.

hehe.. ps KAT-TUN Rocks!

Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 5:34 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Eh, I just noticed that the Eri and Sakura are both girls' names. Is this intentional?

Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 7:35 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Did you just watch YASHA? Whistling

And I have a Bachelor's degree in Japanese and there's no way I'd ever attempt to write something with such complicated stuff in it - maybe you should try for a simpler story? It sounds like a huge portion of the plot will have to be words you've looked up in a dictionary, and that will almost always be inaccurate or sound weird. In one of my Japanese classes, we just had to summarize news stories, and when I had to look up a technical-type term I had never heard used before, I almost always used the word wrong. I can totally see that happening easily with a bunch of scientific terms. Probably only native speakers would be able to truly tell if you're using these technical terms correctly.

In short, if you really wanna keep up your Japanese that you learned in college, a really good way is to watch a lot of drama raw, keep a diary or journal in which you write in Japanese, try to read novels in Japanese, read websites in Japanese every day, and keep in touch with other (preferably native so they can correct you when you're wrong) Japanese-speaking friends. That covers listening, writing, reading and speaking!

I'm just afraid for you that instead of helping your Japanese (if you say you don't know that much) it will instead cause you to learn words or grammatical patterns incorrectly and create bad habits that will be VERY hard to break later.

I'm not trying to dishearten you, I'm just trying to tell you some things I've experienced. Smile

Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 7:55 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

That's a really ambitious project... and I mean that in a good way. I think the reason why my Japanese never really improved is because I am usually too reluctant to speak/write in it. You should just do it regardless of how weird it might come out... You'll end up better when you're done... I think...

Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 8:40 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Awrittensin: Thanks for the warning, and I do understand where you're coming from. I've had five semesters of Japanese (unfortunately, that's as far as my school goes.) Part of why I'm asking for Beta-readers is so that I have people to tell me where I'm making mistakes so that I can correct and learn the proper way to say them. As far as the project itself, I'm trying to avoid using technical terms. Most of the tenchnical terms (like Assimilator) are in katakana, and, as I said--it's for fun. All the other things you suggested are things I already do--watching RAW dramas, talking to friends in Japanese, trying to read as much as possible, etc. I appreciate the concern.

To those who want to read it: I've got the first two scenes written, and I'll let you know when I've got the rest. Smile

It may take a little longer to crank out the English, since I'm trying to write it in Japanese first (so that I'm not tempted to cheat!)

Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 8:33 pm Post subject: Post Rating: 0

^ Lol I guess they (especially Sakura, if Jin plays him!) would suit names like that. I have a feeling this is going to turn out to be really interesting, and I really want to find out what happens with Eri and Ivana.

Hidden:

Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 10:01 pm Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Hahah. You're right about the names. Smile

As far as Sakura goes...

Hidden:

Well, I'm working on the first episode today. Those of you who want to read it (in english or Japanese) PM me your e-mail addresses and specify which language you want it in. I don't know when it will be done, but I'm working on it. Smile

~Scribe

And you know that I want to read it. I need my practice too. Eeeee~ The synopsis gave me shivers.

I'll play Ivana . . . but something tells me you really envision yourself playing this character.

Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 12:38 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

^ Ehh... Scribe is a girl?

Hidden:

Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 2:23 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Did you see the cast list for the drama? I would think so. ^.^

Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 3:09 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Hahah, Hi Gini. Of course I would love to play Ivana, but I would never expect to. I adore acting, but this will probably never be an actual drama, and even if it was, I probably wouldn't be good enough to be cast.

Yes, I'm a girl! The name is fairly androgenous, but I am, indeed, female. My avatar is me!

Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 3:38 am Post subject: Post Rating: 0

Scribe, if you've had 5 semesters of Japanese then you probably know most of the major grammatical structures of Japanese, so you most likely have a great foundation. In that case, it's a lot easier to learn things on your own! I just wasn't sure how much Japanese you meant you had. Some people come on here with grand ideas about what they want to do and they've only taken like, 1st year. Blink

But with 5 semesters, you're probably fine.

So it will probably be great practice for you - and remember, you can never have too many dictionaries!

By the way, YASHA is a jdrama located on d-addicts (I believe it's part of the Permanent Seeding project) and it's a drama involving genetics. From your drama description, you'd probably like it, so check it out!